While Divorcing Your Child Should Not Be Your Ally
Key Points
  • Divorce may be necessary but that does not mean you should be trying to get your children to be on your side.
  • You need to remember your child is a child, he or she does not belong in grownup issues.
  • Your child should not be used as a best friend, telling all your adult secrets and making them your teammate against your ex-spouse. You need to remember your ex-spouse is still your child’s parent.

Trying to get your child to be on your side is a common trap that parents tend to fall into. Parents see it as though they are showing more love or attention by doing so, but rather it is often a selfish tactic to gain revenge against the other parent.

We realize that all situations are unique and certainly some parents are capable of out doing themselves when it comes to being arrogant, inconsiderate, disparaging, neglectful, etc., but it is recommended, no matter how bad the situation may be, that every parent refrain from using a child as an ally or teammate against the other parent. If your child is of an age to be on your side, then he or she is old enough to make his or her own decisions. Do not influence or force your child to take your side.

The common mistakes that are made by parents:

  • Asking a child who he or she loves more.
  • Asking a child who he or she would rather live with.
  • Asking a child if he or she agrees with them, instead of the other parent.
  • Asking a child who he or she wants to spend the holiday with.
  • Asking a child to find out things about the other parent.
  • Asking a child to skip visitation time with the other parent.

Useful Online Tools

Suggested Reading
Creating a Successful Parenting Plan Creating a Successful Parenting Plan
This extraordinary book and computer disk offers separating or divorcing parents a sure-fire way to create a workable, practical parenting plan/agreement that is in the best interest of their children.

Author: Jayne A. Major, Ph.D.

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