Other Parent Playing Games

Posted by: RCMomma

Other Parent Playing Games - 11/08/17 12:50 AM

Hi all, I'm new to this forum, and looking for sound advice on managing my co-parenting relationship.

Background info: I was previously in a marriage of 9.5 years + separation of 1 yr, with divorce finalized last February. I have three girls ages 11, 8 and 3 and share custody with their dad 1/2 time (switching back and forth 2-3 times throughout the week).

On to the issue. The girls' dad has issues (I'm not a doctor but after researching I seriously believe him to be a functioning narcissist -- aside from being quite selfish). The problem is regarding dropping our youngest off at school when she's sick. His choice for custody drop off (for all the girls) is that they go to school when they're sick if the school can't tell. Our youngest has had significant health issues up until now (she gets bronchitis at the drop of a dime, and has had pneumonia 5 times in her life). He will insist that she go to preschool even when I give him the report that she was very sick the day before and should probably stay home. I've had at least two instances where the school has refused to take her and I had to wait an hour (thus affecting my my work hours) for him to organize someone to pick her up. The other times the school would receive her because their school policy is refusal only if the child has had a fever, vomiting or diarrhea and does not consider pneumonia. On the days she has bronchitis/pneumonia I would keep her home if she were under my care because she requires a lot of care to make sure her airways stay clear. Dad seems to be more concerned about taking too many days off of work (he had voiced this opinion when we were married and I was always the one to stay home from work when the girls were sick).

The girls' dad and I have a very strained relationship with no trust, so I'm sure he doesn't believe me when I give a report about the baby being sick, and unfortunately the baby suffers because of this. Now these past two weeks I enrolled the baby into preschool on my days, and 2 out of 2 drop-off days dad has played the "baby is sick" card, asking if I should stay home from work. I seriously think he's playing a "payback" game trying to see if I will take off of work to stay home with the baby (he has played mind games like this in the past, both during our marriage and even worse after the separation).

I'm currently looking for advice on how to handle this situation. Confronting him will end in more verbal attacks. I can't trust he's actually telling me the truth about the baby when he has had a history of lying about her health and other matters. I've tried recording video of me taking the girls' temperatures when they're sick and aside from me personally feeling silly for taking such drastic measures, my older kids are smart enough to know why I'm recording such things (which isn't good for their relationship with their dad).

Has anyone had experience with this? I'd like to know how to handle. Thanks.
Posted by: georgearrizona

Re: Other Parent Playing Games - 02/18/18 10:24 PM

In the whole scenario its the little kid who is suffering the most. Is the mind game worth the suffering she is going through ?
Explore options if you can get full custody for her and she does not have to go to your Ex husband. For the benefit of your kid you need to show your ex husband reason why he needs to be more careful about her health.
Posted by: MinnesotaMom

Re: Other Parent Playing Games - 02/20/18 01:19 PM

Explore options if you can get full custody for her and she does not have to go to your Ex husband. [/quote]

Terrible advice, both legally and for the child.