child spends the night at ex's BF's home

Posted by: scouter

child spends the night at ex's BF's home - 11/06/06 04:22 AM

I posted this in another spot, then found this forum. Sorry if I did it wrong...

Hi all. My husband and I have been married for a year and a half. I am the very proud stepparent of a wonderful 8 year old boy. Husband and I do not have primary custody, as we live 6 hours away, but we do talk to the child on the phone almost everyday, and have him for holidays and summers.

Here's the problem: Since my husband and his ex divorced, (due to her affair with another man), she has had 3-4 boyfriends. She now has a new one, and takes my stepson to spend the night at his house, frequently. This is not the first boyfriend she has had spending the night at her place, and not the first boyfriend at whose home my stepson has had to stay overnight. It took us 2 months to get a correct phone number for this man, as my husband has the right (in the divorce decree) to know where his son is staying.

My stepson has indicated that when he spends the weekend at this man's house he is unable the normal activites he enjoys at his own home, e.g. skateboarding (no pavement at boyfriend's), piano (mom won't take his keyboard), playing in his own room and his own backyard. He has also stated several times that "Mom gets boyfriends, and then she gets rid of them all the time. I guess that's just how she is". The child is eight years old.

We have spoken with and emailed his mother on several occasions stating that we do not approve of them spending the night at the boyfriend's. We DO NOT mind him VISITING, but we do not know the sleeping arrangements, nor the address of this man. All mother will say is that he is professional and nice. We are at our wit's end from trying to convince the ex that we do not think this is appropriate, safe, nor consistant with our family values. There have been times on school nights she and my stepson have stayed extremely late at this man's home. Can anyone help us, or advise us on what to do? We do not want to go to court, but can see no other alternative.

All the mother says in response is that we are "trying to run her life". This is not true, my husband just wants to instill high morals and values in his son, and thinks this is inappropriate behavior for his son to be exposed to.