divorce in final stages

Posted by: 07003

divorce in final stages - 03/13/08 12:05 AM

I am in the process of a divorce. It should be final within the next month or so. I turned into a deceitful person and hurt my wife needlessly. I continued hurting her by cheating and lying. We had issues but the were repairable. I just didn't want to repair them. I just didn't have the balls to leave. therefore, i acted out he way I did. I know very wrong and stupid. Anyway i have been living away from my children for about 2 months. I see my children almost everyday. Yet my wife who claims she is trying to help me simply points out how selfish i am and how the children see that she is putting them first. I feel I do a lot. Yet, she feels that I take for granted the fact that I can come and o as i please and have women over and basically act like a teenager.

Now, I go to two schools which is a decent amount of work. My wife feels she always has to tell me things and I only react when I see she is pissed. I know she loves me but the marriage is shot. It appears that she hates the person i am turning into and does not want to be friends with me once the divorce is final. i can somewhat understand. However, where my children are concerned I put them first. She doesn't see that. I'm not keeping a list either. She says my changes are for the worst and she does not know who I am anymore. Is this her way of coping with this? I am truly doing the right thing but not as far as she is concerned. Granted I acted unfaithfully more than once. I know and can't expect her to believe a word I saybut I also am at the point where I just don't care what she thinks. I know she wanted a faithful husband and for 12 years she had one. I just flipped a switch one day (bad thing) an ran amok ruining what we took so long to build. I see that I was unwilling to give her what she wanted. I loved her but not in the way that she wanted me to. I don't want to be uncivil but it seems that the way I act toward her is uncivil. Perhaps this is new still and the anger and resentment as well as all of the other emotions are too fresh still.