Is my marriage still salvageable?

Posted by: Lostlove

Is my marriage still salvageable? - 02/02/18 04:43 AM

My husband and I have been together for 9 years and have been married almost 3 years. We have two kids together and we have always been happy...until now. I’ve felt like I’ve had more than patience when it comes to my husband. He had a rough childhood and I’ve always been understanding of that and because of his rough upbringing, it shows through his personality. He’s wild, fearless, outgoing, kind, caring and extremely loving. He never let his childhood take control of his life. Instead, he chose to make something of himself. As you can tell, I can’t say enough good things about this man. But, with trauma, comes anger. He has had about 4 rage episodes (all of them while intoxicated). The last one, he actually tried to fight two of his best friends and shoved me. He decided he was no longer going to drink because he realized that’s when he gets triggered. I was so proud of him for making that decision. He has stuck by that decision also! Work has always been his main focus. If he isn’t working, he can’t support his family. He’s always been hard working ever since I met him. Another great quality about him. Now to his flaws...he’s stubborn, wants things the way he wants them end of story.

Now a little bit about me. My whole life, I’ve never been very motivated. My parents gave me everything. I also didn’t do anything I didn’t want to do...nobody could make me. So obviously my husband and I had two very different upbringings and it has always kind of caused a wedge in our marriage, especially once we had our kids. He disciplined differently than I did. It started becoming an issue. When i had my oldest 6 years ago, he was unemployed as well as myself. He found a job working third shift so we decided I would stay home with the baby since we couldn’t afford childcare. We then had our second child 17 months later. I was at home with two baby’s under the ages of 2. I was tired! I barely had energy for sex. We struggled through out the years because I obviously wasn’t working from being a stay at home mom. We’ve always said once the kids start school, I will start working. Our kids are now 6 and 4 and they are both in school as of 2017. I’ve looked for work, I got my GED and still no luck. About a year ago, I noticed things started getting tense between us. He got a really great job and because he is the person he is (kind hearted and would give anyone the shirt off his back) he started taking this girl to and from work for about a month. He was working second shift at the time and I felt like that was taking time away from me and our boys. I got a little upset about it but not until it was Christmas Eve 2016. I was at my moms with my family wrapping Christmas gifts like we do every year and my husband had to work that day. I noticed he was about an hour and a half late from getting to my moms from work. Turns out, he took that girl to the store so she could grab a couple gifts for her kids. I wasn’t angry at that, I was angry that it was Christmas Eve, he was supposed to be spending it with his family. My sister jumped to the conclusion of him cheating. That has always bothered him since it happened and he couldn’t get over it. That’s when I noticed the tension between us. We started struggling a bit because I still wasn’t working. He got fed up with me not working and not wanting to “better myself”. I felt like I was doing a pretty good job at raising our kids considering I’m the one who does everything for them (besides financially). This past December he came at me with he wants a divorce. He isn’t happy with me, he is t happy with the way his life is turning out. He feels like our marriage can’t grow anymore. Here’s the tricky part. He still lives at home, he still wants to be apart of my family events (my family is the only family he has) we still sleep in the same bed, still cuddle, still are intimate, and still tell each other how much we love each other. Just from his actions, I feel like here is still something there and I’m stilling holding on to hope. I don’t want this. I want my family as a whole. What do I do and does it sound like this is still salvageable?