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#10491 - 03/14/05 03:32 PM PCS and Change of Visitation
imwoodstock Offline
recently joined

Registered: 03/14/05
Posts: 9
DH is set to PCS overseas for 15 months in July. Currently, we live in the same state (Ohio) as his daughter who is almost 14). We're four hours away and have lived here almost 4 years. They've been divorced for 6 years. He is supposed to get EOW, and EO holiday visitation plus 2 weeks in the summer with them meeting halfway or the one who doesn't has to pay the cost of transportation. When he got here and we met, he only saw her when the ex said he could, which wasn't often and was only at her convenience. So, since he's been here, he's seen her off and on for a somewhat regular schedule (hasn't seen her the last 6 weeks due to classes on Saturdays for cotillion).

His insisting on his visitation rights was a real problem for the ex. She was so angry about it and his daughter has not been easy to deal with. She gets alot of negative feedback from her mom and, though it's slowed down, every time they'd meet for the exchange, the ex would use it as an opportunity to verbally bash him (and I'm talking out and out yelling) in front of his daughter.

We don't yet know his follow on base and SD will be 15.5 when he gets back around Oct 06. Should he go to court now to get the visitation language changed as we'll most likely be at least 3-4 states away minimum which will eliminate weekend visits? If/when he does go to court, does anyone have suggestions on what he should ask for? What is reasonable?

Can language be added regarding contact with his daughter while he is overseas? Currently, when she doesn't come up here, she never calls unless she wants something from him which isn't often. She has email and IM, but claims she doesn't use it yet hogs up our computer doing that when she's here. My husband loves his daughter dearly and is afraid of losing total contact with her while he's overseas.

The ex is very anti my husband and his family though they continue to send his daughter and ex cards at birthdays and holidays and send his daughter gifts for her special occasions. She seems to do all that she can to discourage his involvement in his daughter's life and her attachments to us, so I don't imagine that he'll get any support from her to have his daughter stay in contact with him.

#10492 - 05/13/05 03:42 PM Re: PCS and Change of Visitation [Re: imwoodstock]
ZeeBabester Offline

Registered: 09/06/04
Posts: 66
Loc: CT, by the shore, with my hub...
He is doing the right thing by insisting to keeping in contact. Do not blame the child for her attitude, she is only reflecting what the mother wants her to. Remember the child has to live with the woman and so therefore says and does what will please the Mom since she is certain of her Dads love.

It's emotional abuse what her mom is doing. Dad must not be dettered. As to the email issue, here is what I would suggest, that dad buy her a computer and pay for her internet access, that way daughter has no excuse not contact dad when she pleases. Also, going back to court would be wise to change the visitation and contact schedule. The court order can state that the child be allowed to contact her dad and mother is NOT to interfere with her and state that it be liberal or daily. The order can also state that dad will provide the computer and ISP at his expense so mother cannot interfere. This will guarantee that he can contact and speak with her and she with him whenever either one of them pleases. This can be in the form of a private line for the child, for the computer and to call her dad (computers come with call waiting features). The kid is 14 and will see that Dad is trying his best and the more that mom interferes the more anymosity will grow between mother and daughter. My own step daughter finally had it with her psycho Mother and moved in with her father and me. So keeping involved over the ex's objections will pay off in the end.
~Domestic Goddess~ ~All should worship at the altar that is I~


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