Start Your Divorce Today - Premium Divorce Online

Page 2 of 4 < 1 2 3 4 >
Topic Options
#165870 - 11/17/06 06:29 PM Re: I hear hurricanes ablowing. [Re: I_am_Jack]
rocketgirl Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/24/04
Posts: 8562
Loc: On the beach in 14 years...
It is not like you haven't done EVERYTHING in your power to make this marriage work! You have NO partner in this thing. You have stuck in out far longer than I, or many others on here, would have. You have nothing to feel like a jerk for. Your wife seems to have more serious problems than you can, or should handle.

It will not be easy, no matter how, what, when or why you do it. Like the poster said above, be prepared with a bunch is Kleenex and be prepared to feel an inch tall. But I think you also need to give yourself a [email][email protected][/email] break. This woman sounds like a no-win proposition to me.. unless you want to spend the rest of your life in misery.

I would get it over with soon... but I would wait for the first of the year.

Good luck, Jack... let us know how it goes.
_________________________
Lisa Diplomacy - the art of telling someone to go to hell, and them looking forward to the trip.

Top
#165871 - 11/17/06 06:52 PM Re: I hear hurricanes ablowing. [Re: I_am_Jack]
Rebecca5 Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 11697
Loc: Down home.
So let me sum-up what I can remember....my apologies for the ones that are incorrect....

There's an issue with her refusal to hold a job, yet she continues to spend money freely, and behaves like a petulant child when asked to live within a budget. A budget that was created, in part, to assist is paying her substantial medical bills.

Her illnesses only become the main issue when they serve her purposes, and the symptoms oddly disappear when she needs or wants something.

She is an unwilling intimate partner, and not just in terms of intercourse, but in every other way as well.

She not only refuses to attend counseling, she "forbids" you from attending as well.

You have been all but completely cut-off from friends and your family due to her emotional insecurity, and have given up things that you used to be passionate about to appease her.

I'm sure there are other things that I don't recall at the moment, but I think that may be the crux of the biscuit. You have given it YOUR all. There's absolutely nothing else YOU can do. I know you know that....but it's good to hear.

I don't know if there's any special way to make things easier on either of you, but to attend some private counseling and work through your emotions. Continue to offer for her to attend as well. Make a plan for yourself, and stick to it. Expect both of you to grieve the loss of this marriage in a very similar way to the loss of a loved one. All of those stages of grief are pretty common in a divorce.

I can tell you, as the party that made the decision in my first marriage...that it sucks rocks. I felt horribly guilty, and tried to bargain my way out of it for a while...only to realize that cut-and-dry was the way to go. I made a plan and stuck to it. Eight years later, I'm 100% positive that it was the right choice, and that I would make the same choice again...even knowing what I know now.

Top
#165872 - 11/17/06 09:50 PM Re: I hear hurricanes ablowing. [Re: Maury]
Patrice Offline
addict

Registered: 07/22/06
Posts: 401
Maury,
Unless you are unilaterally against divorce, I don't know why Jack needs to be skewered for wanting a divorce. I think there are more (and larger) issues than just his wife's sicknesses. He gave lots of background in his links as to why he feels he can't live like he is indefinitely and I think he makes a lot of sense. JMHO, of course.
_________________________
To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

Top
#165873 - 11/17/06 11:22 PM Re: I hear hurricanes ablowing. [Re: Patrice]
Miranda Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
I don't think Maury is against divorce, as divorce is what pays his bills.
_________________________
13.1...because I am only half crazy!

Top
#165874 - 11/18/06 12:19 AM Re: I hear hurricanes ablowing. [Re: rocketgirl]
I_am_Jack Offline
member

Registered: 02/01/06
Posts: 186
Loc: Louisiana
Quote:
It will not be easy, no matter how, what, when or why you do it. Like the poster said above, be prepared with a bunch is Kleenex and be prepared to feel an inch tall. But I think you also need to give yourself a [email][email protected][/email] break. This woman sounds like a no-win proposition to me.. unless you want to spend the rest of your life in misery.

I would get it over with soon... but I would wait for the first of the year
Good luck, Jack... let us know how it goes.


My thoughts exactly. However, then my birthday is in January, and then there is Valentine's Day, then our anniversary...

I can't see celebrating Valentine's Day...It would be too sad...I'll probably do it in January.

Should I start working on the paperwork now?
_________________________
Never allow anyone to persuade you to do that which is not best for you. -Pythagoras

Top
#165875 - 11/18/06 03:01 AM Re: I hear hurricanes ablowing. [Re: I_am_Jack]
rocketgirl Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/24/04
Posts: 8562
Loc: On the beach in 14 years...
Don't worry about your birthday... and yes, I would start the paperwork now. You don't have to file it yet, but have it ready to go when you decide it is an appropriate time. There will never be a GOOD time.. just the RIGHT time.
_________________________
Lisa Diplomacy - the art of telling someone to go to hell, and them looking forward to the trip.

Top
#165876 - 11/18/06 04:30 AM Re: I hear hurricanes ablowing. [Re: rocketgirl]
Buckeye Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 12/08/05
Posts: 7873
Loc: OH
Hi Jack! I was wondering when you would decide on a divorce - it was apparent right from the beginning that this was were your "marriage" was headed.

Why wait for January??? You will feel like a jacka$$ and your STBX will consider you a jacka$$ no matter when you file. Maybe it might be better to get the filing part overwith now. One less thing to stress out about.

Top
#165877 - 11/18/06 04:35 AM Re: I hear hurricanes ablowing. [Re: Buckeye]
rocketgirl Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/24/04
Posts: 8562
Loc: On the beach in 14 years...
I don't know... I think you'd just feel MORE guilty doing it before the holidays.. just my opinion though. At least she wouldn't be able to heap THAT on his shoulders along with everything else.
_________________________
Lisa Diplomacy - the art of telling someone to go to hell, and them looking forward to the trip.

Top
#165878 - 11/18/06 06:08 AM Re: I hear hurricanes ablowing. [Re: rocketgirl]
I_am_Jack Offline
member

Registered: 02/01/06
Posts: 186
Loc: Louisiana
My thoughts exactly. I can't imagine what THAT christmas would be like...My wife's family is very anti-divorce. She'd feel like everyone was judging her...and she might be right.

At least after christmas, she would not have to see/deal with any extended family until the summer.
_________________________
Never allow anyone to persuade you to do that which is not best for you. -Pythagoras

Top
#165879 - 11/18/06 01:57 PM Re: I hear hurricanes ablowing. [Re: I_am_Jack]
Buckeye Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 12/08/05
Posts: 7873
Loc: OH
I don't think there is any good time for filing a divorce. The reason I say file before the holidays is that when you file after them, I would think that the whole holiday season was just a sham for you to get through so that you could file later. Nothing that was said or done was truly real. The is JMHO.

At some point, she is going to have to see/deal with family and waiting until the summer isn't going to change anything. Actually, it will make it harder.

Top
Page 2 of 4 < 1 2 3 4 >



Resources & Tools
Start Your Divorce Online Start Your Divorce
Several Options to Get Started Today.
Divorce Tools Online Divorce Tools
Keeping it Simple to Get the Job Done.
Divorce Downloads Download Center
Instantly Download Books, Guides & Forms.
Divorce and Custody Books Discount Books
Over 100 of the Best Divorce & Custody Books.
Negotiate Online Negotiate Online
Settle your Divorce and Save.
Custody and Support Tracking Custody Scheduling
Make Sure You Document Everything.

Easily Connect With a Lawyer or Mediator
Have Divorce Professionals from Your Area Contact You!
Enter Your Zip Code: