You are welcome. Your'e right, it is never easy and those rules... after a 30 year marriage, everything we had was joint. Settlement phase took a long time because it was not just possessions we had to divide. I guess equitable distribution is fair in the court room but does not always seem to work that way in reality.
If you do find that your pension and 401 earned durign the marriage are subject to division... you can offer other assets to your stbx instead of splitting those assets. All the courts care about is settling assets equally, or close to it.
I understand the never again... but many on different forums on this board have married again. I especially like the LIfe after Divorce forum... when I first came here it was extremely helpful to me and was encouraging to see how many posters had not only survived their divorce but were thriving in their new lives, and in many cases, new marriages. Gave me hope for the future.
"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened".