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#197535 - 02/23/07 12:58 AM Re: child support [Re: Gecko]
Buckeye Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 12/08/05
Posts: 7873
Loc: OH
I could understand it IF mom said she was bring him home to take care of him BUT no, she wants him in an apartment by himself.

He needs to be with people who can "monitor" his eating.

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#197536 - 02/23/07 03:15 AM Re: child support [Re: Buckeye]
Gecko Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/02/04
Posts: 20602
Loc: Third rock from the sun
That's why I suggested a rehab center. I can't see a Judge forcing parents to pay for an apartment for their adult child so he can get his shyt together. He needs coping skills, he needs structure, he needs monitoring...he's not going to get that sitting in a recliner shutting out the rest of the world.
_________________________
If you air your dirty linen in public, expect people to comment on the skid marks!

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#197537 - 02/23/07 08:45 PM Re: child support [Re: Gecko]
jrl1951 Offline
newbie

Registered: 09/23/05
Posts: 30
Loc: New Jersey
Thanks all. I've been working and couldn't get back here. I decided to pay the interest on the loans along with my son who has been helping since it accrues and we get a bill for it. He has worked the past 2 summers inspite of all this. I would rather keep the interest to zero if possible. This is a fatal disease and the most fatal of all psychiatric disorders. Our son has been in rehab for 2 months and is coming home today as I speak. He has depended on Mom a lot, too much the last 2 years. One reason is because the severe anxiety he has had and the lack of parental involvement with the other parent. He did not buy into theray the first 2 times. The third time almost finsihed him. I remember watching his heart rate dip to below 20 during the first night in the hospital and wondering what was going to happen. His father never showed till the next morning after he went in to work first. Our son stayed in acute care for a week then transferred to a new facility 2 hrs from home. He stayed inpatient for 4 weeks then outpatient for another 6. The child support is court ordered and contributing to college is court ordered. The ex told our son he would give him $2000 in November and that never happened. I guess I am fearful the ex will not give the monney I have been giving to our son out of child support to our son. His track record stinks. I offered to give our son that portion of child support in a check to prove he's getting it rather than cash like I usually do. The therapists want our son to get out on his own and start dealing with this on his own with out the added stresses at home. He will be monitored by 3 visits a week to the psychologist, 1 to the psychiatrist, 1 to a medical doctor , and 1 to a nutritionist. With all those appts he won't be able to hold down a full time job for a while until he is stable at home. He is planning to return to school in the fall. Yes, college is giving him a medical and he is still enrolled but without any classes now. My questions are, do I agree to let him stop giving me the child support money for our son, how do I figure that amount out since there are 2 kids, can he just stop giving me the money without going back to court? we obviously have to contribute to his support for apartment rent, food, etc until further time, and he makes more than me. I realy don't want to pay a lawyer, it cost me $35k for the divorce.

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#197538 - 02/23/07 09:23 PM Re: child support [Re: jrl1951]
Gecko Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/02/04
Posts: 20602
Loc: Third rock from the sun
My questions are, do I agree to let him stop giving me the child support money for our son, how do I figure that amount out since there are 2 kids, can he just stop giving me the money without going back to court? we obviously have to contribute to his support for apartment rent, food, etc until further time, and he makes more than me. I realy don't want to pay a lawyer, it cost me $35k for the divorce.

---&gt; NEITHER of you can make private arrangements regarding child support...it HAS to go through the courts.

---&gt; Since the reason is medical...chances are that CS will continue through the summer since he is supposed to be going back to school in the Fall and the courts can order that son's portion be paid directly to him. If he is unable to continue...then the support should stop period.

---&gt; I honestly do NOT see a Judge ordering EITHER of you (since son would not be living at "home", the Judge would order you to also pay child support) to fully support your adult "child" OUTSIDE of the home...it's just plain ludercious!
_________________________
If you air your dirty linen in public, expect people to comment on the skid marks!

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#197539 - 02/23/07 09:42 PM Re: child support [Re: Gecko]
Avaya Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 02/09/06
Posts: 9850
Loc: Arkansas
Of course they can privately agree on the Cs and it does NOT have to go through the courts. For them both to be protected, it probably should go through them, but it certainly doesn't have to.

OP, this is not a mental issue if his blood pressure is dropping like that. And mental issues are not 'fatal diseases'. And finally, there are Thousands of people living with physical or mental impairments whose parents do NOT financially support them. If you are taking this on, then you need to get with social services and find out what they will provide for your son. His father may or may not contribute, but that is not up to you to decide or demand.
_________________________
Eternity is too long to be wrong.

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#197540 - 02/23/07 11:17 PM Re: child support [Re: Avaya]
jrl1951 Offline
newbie

Registered: 09/23/05
Posts: 30
Loc: New Jersey
Thank you. It wasn't his blood pressure that 20 is was his heart rate. Yes, anorexia is a disease, it is not a choice. The other thing is that once he finds part time work he will indeed contribute and he will back off more. I just want the child support for him to continue and I give it to our son. I'm not sure how to figure it though. I don't think you just cut it in half. The other child, a girl, is 17. Right now I get $550 every 2 weeks for child support. I've been giving our son around $215 every 2 weeks to cover all his needs for college like food, meals out, supplements, gas, clothes, supplies. I also pay the $500 deductible every year for medical, all medical above that not covered for glasses/contacts etc. Some of child support is figured for living expenses other than those I listed right? Like to cover other costs in the home?

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#197541 - 02/23/07 11:20 PM Re: child support [Re: jrl1951]
Sherron Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 11/25/06
Posts: 20729
"Like to cover other costs in the home? "

If you mean other costs in the home associated with the children who are residing at that home and for who cs is being paid - yes. If you mean pedicures or Bingo night for yourself - no.

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#197542 - 02/23/07 11:24 PM Re: child support [Re: Sherron]
Sherron Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 11/25/06
Posts: 20729
"Yes, anorexia is a disease, it is not a choice. "

Okay, i am really not trying to be insensitive, but from what I understand about anorexia... people who feel completely out of control will use their control over food as an outlet, so how is that not a choice? I understand that eventually their body can get to the point that it can't handle any nourishment, but it would still start out as a choice, wouldn't it?

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#197543 - 02/24/07 12:46 AM Re: child support [Re: Sherron]
jrl1951 Offline
newbie

Registered: 09/23/05
Posts: 30
Loc: New Jersey
nope, the anorexia can actually result from several things. It is definitely not a choice. In fact they have determined it is biologically based. What is an Eating Disorder?

Eating disorders such as anorexia, bulimia, and binge eating disorder include extreme emotions, attitudes, and behaviors surrounding weight and food issues.
They are serious emotional and physical problems that can have life-threatening consequences for females and males.
ANOREXIA NERVOSA is characterized by self-starvation and excessive weight loss.
Symptoms include:
Refusal to maintain body weight at or above a minimally normal weight for height, body type, age, and activity level
Intense fear of weight gain or being “fat”
Feeling “fat” or overweight despite dramatic weight loss
Loss of menstrual periods
Extreme concern with body weight and shape


When these kids/adults have this and are extremely low body weight it affects the whole thought process. So one of the first things they try to do is get the weight up. Then the disease starts lifting, so to speak. My son was switched to a new medication in the fall, while in college, by a new psychiatrist and I feel it made everything worse and caused a rapid downward spiral while going off one graduallly and going on another medication.

Surprisingly there are a growing number of males with this disease too. Athletes like runners, wrestlers, etc are very prone to it. My son told me of a boy a few years younger than him who is there who has OCD so bad the child can't stop exercising while inpatient.

My son has told me that his one way to cope with all the stress was to exercise and restrict. I hope he has learned new coping mechanisms and will continue to do so.

Anyway, thank you all for listening and some of your comments I will take to heart.

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#197544 - 02/24/07 01:11 AM Re: child support [Re: jrl1951]
Gecko Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/02/04
Posts: 20602
Loc: Third rock from the sun
NOT to be argumentative...but your explaination did include "refusal to..." and as such, "refusing" IS a choice.
_________________________
If you air your dirty linen in public, expect people to comment on the skid marks!

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