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#20956 - 07/15/05 04:02 PM adutrey
MADISON Offline
newbie

Registered: 06/19/05
Posts: 26
is there anyone out there that knows if you can bring an adultress to court and make her pay for helping destroy a family...i've been married for 35 yrs...i thought everything was fine and then my husband has a midlife crisis or what ever and leaves for this pig in a skirt...shes 32 yrs old...shes knew he was a married man with a family...now i'm in hell and i don't know how to get out...i'm affaid at the out come of all this...i don't know what to do

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#20957 - 07/15/05 05:14 PM Re: adutrey [Re: MADISON]
Steph13 Offline
journeyman

Registered: 06/07/05
Posts: 99
Madison,
Your husband is just as much to blame for what is happening in your life. No I doubt there is a law that can put her on the stand and testify. You need to evaluate your situation and see what is the best possible solution for you and your childrens if you have any, he is busy chasing skirts and he'll be doing just that for a whille, in the mean time collect yourself and set bounderies. Protect your interest, and what you fell is rightfully yours after 35 years of marriage.

Good luck to you.

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#20958 - 07/15/05 07:12 PM Re: adutrey [Re: Steph13]
luv2boys1girl Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 317
Check with an attorney. I don't know that many states handle a divorce differently anymore if there is adultery. I seem to remember a civil court case where the OW was sued and the OW lost. Don't know what the final outcome was though. However, after 35 years of marriage, it would seem you are certainly entitled to half of the marital assets, pensions and likely spousal support, if it is needed. Again, consult an attorney. A lot of them have free consultations.

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#20959 - 07/15/05 08:41 PM I've heard of it happening. [Re: luv2boys1girl]
Dee78 Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/02/05
Posts: 11820
Loc: TN
But I'm not sure what state it was in. You should talk to a lawyer.

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#20960 - 07/16/05 02:25 AM Re: adutrey [Re: MADISON]
Lyn Offline
journeyman

Registered: 06/04/05
Posts: 95
Loc: NJ
MADiSON - Alienation of Affection is not applicable in NJ, but my Xs OW was mentioned by name as his 'paramour' throughout my papers...she wasn't pleased, but it sure didn't hurt my case. In your discovery and disclosure process, be sure to check for any monies he spent on her behalf...those are considered marital funds. Lyn

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#20961 - 07/16/05 02:50 AM Re: adutrey [Re: Lyn]
TGSM Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 02/07/05
Posts: 5856
Not sure about your situation or the OP's in totality...I would just recommend caution in naming someone the OW or paramour in writing unless you have irrefutable proof. I had a co-worker years ago that was labled the OW in divorce papers and she sued the BM for defamation of character and liable as it affected her job (she was a teacher.) She was awarded damages....I actually thought about doing the same in my case as I was accused as such, but the BM didn't do it in writing, only verbal so there was no proof of her lies.
_________________________
Faith-a f*rm belief in something for which there is no proof...complete trust.~Merriam Webster

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#20962 - 07/16/05 12:53 PM Re: adutrey [Re: TGSM]
Lyn Offline
journeyman

Registered: 06/04/05
Posts: 95
Loc: NJ
Shanney - You're right and I guess I should have qualified my repsonse by saying there was NO DOUBT in my case...X and OW had even staged a fake wedding and were passing themselves off as husband and wife before he walked out on kids and me. Lyn

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#20963 - 07/16/05 03:44 PM Re: adutrey [Re: Lyn]
TGSM Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 02/07/05
Posts: 5856
Sounds like there was definate proof in your case. I just like to caution people...especially in this litigious society. This co-worker of mine wasn't my friend or even someone I liked, but she definately had cause to sue. In her case, they were lies and she almost got fired because the BM actually called her principal with the false information!
_________________________
Faith-a f*rm belief in something for which there is no proof...complete trust.~Merriam Webster

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#20964 - 07/18/05 03:14 PM Re: adutrey [Re: TGSM]
MADISON Offline
newbie

Registered: 06/19/05
Posts: 26
yes of course i have proof...i taped his car for months and tapped his phone ...i had to be sure and of course i was right...even called her to let her know he was married ...just in case he said he was separated or divorced or whatever ...her response to me was she would beat me up...what a piece of crap she is ... along with my piece of crap husband..beat me up over my husband...he laughed...very hurtful...so yes i would like to drag that pig through the mud...i think she would love it...i know i would...maybe if some of these pigs were dragged through the mud enough they would maybe consider their actions have consequenses...and not put themselves out to married men...

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#20965 - 07/18/05 05:23 PM Re: adutrey [Re: MADISON]
TGSM Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 02/07/05
Posts: 5856
I am sorry this happened to you and I am glad you have proof to back up your claims. What I do not understand is why you place so much blame on this "other woman", your STBX is just as much at fault, if not more. He let her drag him into an affair. There are women out there that prey on men...married, fianced, single, whatever...yes,even my husband has been hit on. He puts those kind of women in their place. Personally, I would start focusing on your recovery and not revenge or retaliation...it will only slow your recovery down. JMHO. Good luck!
_________________________
Faith-a f*rm belief in something for which there is no proof...complete trust.~Merriam Webster

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#20966 - 07/18/05 05:57 PM Re: adutrey [Re: TGSM]
MADISON Offline
newbie

Registered: 06/19/05
Posts: 26
yes of course its all his fault...but i would think that when i contacted her she would have at least had the heart to back off...i explained to her that he was married and i loved him very much and we had five children (all adults one of them one year younger than her) that loved him ...please back off..so i would be able to try and work things out...i didn't want a confrontation with her...she laughed at me as i was crying and upset and said confrontation...i will kick your ass...and as far as the kids they were old enough to get over it...that pissed me off. sorry but it did and i just want her to know that shes not going to get away with a total disreguard to a family she didn't know....i guess i'm very bitter...

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#20967 - 07/18/05 08:05 PM Re: adutrey [Re: MADISON]
TGSM Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 02/07/05
Posts: 5856
Of course you are bitter and angry. You have that right...but you will need to start to get past it for your own sake. Have you started any kind of couseling? Start to focus on you and let the losers have each other. ((HUGS))
_________________________
Faith-a f*rm belief in something for which there is no proof...complete trust.~Merriam Webster

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#20968 - 07/18/05 09:18 PM Re: adutrey [Re: TGSM]
MADISON Offline
newbie

Registered: 06/19/05
Posts: 26
thank you ...you are right...everyone tells me that i should just let go...i know that i should and more than likely i will probably have to go to some sort of counciling ...because i have so much i don't know if its confusion ,anger or my own self pity...which i guess i do to my self...i just can't get passed the why of it ...i'm really not too sure what it is, cause there is so much hurt...i guess its time to give in and get some help...you all have been saying that to me...i'm sure you all can't be wrong...along with all of my children too.

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#20969 - 07/18/05 11:53 PM Re: TGSM [Re: TGSM]
luv2boys1girl Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 317
I agree with you, TGSM. It takes two. If the X wasn't interested in OW- it wouldn't be an issue. Can't change it. Work on healing yourself

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#20970 - 07/23/05 07:51 AM Re: adutrey [Re: MADISON]
IrrelevantSheIs2 Offline
recently joined

Registered: 07/23/05
Posts: 5
Maddison,
Please, seek a counselor. If you don't have insurance you can go through your local mental health center on a sliding fee scale. You may not believe it now, but this woman is Irrelevant and even though your anger towards her is valid he is his own problem. She will get her turn so let her go. The problem is within him and she just happened to be willing to participate in his illness.
Women participating in these behaviors are in their own denial and illness, but rest assured the pain and anger will pass and they will be left to rationalize and justify their behaviors with only the ignorant willing to buy into it. Let her go she's an irrelevant element not worth your time. Work on healing yourself and your children. Counseling will work immediately so hurry up get an appointment. Take Care and Good Luck!
[color:"pink"] [/color] [color:"pink"] [/color]

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