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#228602 - 05/12/07 03:36 AM Re: Summer school question.... [Re: nrvouswrk]
Buckeye Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 12/08/05
Posts: 7873
Loc: OH
Right now she is the one seeing that the kids get to and from school since she isn't working.

Don't know if the school offers after school care for the summer.

The kids haven't failed yet - DD is hoping that they can get it together and at least pull out a "D".

Another problem is that they moved and they tried to get through the year at the old school (which I don't blame her for). But, the school found out, and they were thrown out and have to go to the new school district for 20 days, until school is out. They will continue there next year.

The education stuff is one of the reasons SIL wanted to have custody of the boys. He wanted custody during the winter and would give BM custody during the summer. But, it didn't work out that way.

#228603 - 05/12/07 03:50 AM Re: Summer school question.... [Re: Buckeye]
Debi Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 7157
OKay, I don't know his x but I can sympathize with having kids that won't do anything. For three quarters of this year I called my oldest daughter's teachers (all 5 of her core class teachers) every week and left a message saying I would pick up any work she missed on Friday afternoon. We would spend the weekend doing those assignments and then she never turned them in anyway. At the beginning of 4th quarter I gave up. I am to the point that if her younger sister passes her up maybe she'll wake up. The only thing is that won't happen because of the damn "no child left behind" crap. It doesn't mean they won't be left behind, it means they won't learn crap but will get passed on anyway. I feel like a bad mom saying that I've given up but I don't know what else to do.

Is there any chance his x will try along with him to get the kids signed up in his district? I can't imagine the work would be any different than the school they are in now.
When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.

#228604 - 05/12/07 04:13 AM Re: Summer school question.... [Re: Debi]
Buckeye Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 12/08/05
Posts: 7873
Loc: OH
Deb, absolutely no. She would not do anything to help SIL even if it hurts the kids.

The oldest is the one that has the most problems. SIL, DD, YS, DGD were out in the yard raking up leaves and bagging them. OS was in the house watching TV and playing video games. SIL went in and told him to come out and help too, then they all would go do something fun. OS said no, he didn't feel good. So, SIL told him to go to bed since he was too sick to help, then he was too sick to watch TV and play video games.

Just seems like OS is turning out just like BM's boyfriend, who is a major loser. All he does is watch TV and play video games. Great role model.

#228605 - 05/12/07 11:46 AM Re: Summer school question.... [Re: Buckeye]
tsl Offline

Registered: 06/24/04
Posts: 2274
I see 2 options right now:

SIL hires a tutor in his area to help the boys out. They do NOT attend summer school. (Summer school here is a farce, IMO. It was a waste of time the summer I sent D there. I refuse to do it again. I get recommendations from her teacher, I go to a bookstore and get workbooks for her. If there is something specific she needs to work on, I get books on that such as phonics or multiplication tables, ect. and the tutor works on those each day.)

There is a neat program I am going to purchase this year for my two kids to do during summer. It is on-line, tracks their progress. Has like study work then they take tests to see where they have progressed.

The other option is that he talks to mom. Tell her he has a plan. He WILL BE getting kids during summer. He can take them to summer school but he needs mom to pick them up when summer school is out each day and keep them till he gets off work. This will be extra time for mom.

If dad has plans already to go on vacation one week, then they go on vacation and skips summer school. I don't know how long summer school lasts in his area, but here it is only like the month of June.
Duct tape can't fix stupid but it can keep them out of the way."

#228606 - 05/12/07 12:15 PM Re: Summer school question.... [Re: Buckeye]
Dee78 Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/02/05
Posts: 11820
Loc: TN
Parenting isn't just about fun times and if he wants to get them for 8 weeks in the summer then he needs to find a way to get them to and from summer school. Was it her fault that they have to go to summer school? Possibly, but ultimately it is the child not doing what they are supposed to do. You said it yourself, your SIL can't even get him to do what he's supposed to do so obviously it isn't JUST the BM's problem.

This situation could be a positive or negative at his next court appearance. The fact that they have to go to summer school would be a negative against her. But his choice here could be a negative agaisnt him if he chooses to not get them for his summer parenting time because it's too much work to be a parent. Or it could be a positive for him because it shows that he's willing to be a parent and do what it takes to make sure they get what they need.

#228607 - 05/12/07 02:02 PM Re: Summer school question.... [Re: Buckeye]
PhoenixRising Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 01/05/07
Posts: 3681
Loc: New York

Your SIL is about to be initiated into the joys of summer logistics. It is horrible, stressful, and guilt ridden. Most of the time, you are not where you are supposed to be. The boss wants you at work, the kids need to be chauffeured.

The situation $ucks…

He needs to contact the school ASAP. Our schools run “camps” for parents that work. 7am-6pm. They bus them to the pool, beach, field trips, they provide sports, computers, etc.. Even if the school doesn’t have something specific, there might be a district program. We have Science Inventions, Sports Plus, etc.. Even if there is no busing, by contacting those programs directly, he might get some carpooling information.

Our local Y runs a bus up to the school and transports them back to attend programs at the Y.

MANY parents work during the summer. He isn't the only one in that school district w/ this problem. Many spend the 9mths leading up to summer trying to find placement that: they like; doesn’t cost an arm and a leg; has hours compatible w/ our needs.

There are answers out there. It depends on how much effort he wants to put into finding them and how much he wants to pay.

PS: Ditto on what Dee said. He must show support for summer school. Judges have categorized parents two ways. He is either part of the problem or part of the solution. Whining about it being all her fault and excuses (no matter how justified) will reflect poorly on him.

He has custody over the summer, he inherits summer logistics hell. He can’t make it her problem. If he has no adult to help with chauffeuring; what was he plan going to be if they weren’t in summer school?

#228608 - 05/13/07 12:48 AM Re: Summer school question.... [Re: Buckeye]
focusedon2 Offline

Registered: 12/10/05
Posts: 2136
[quote] Right now she is the one seeing that the kids get to and from school since she isn't working. [/quote]

Can he take the kids to school and she picks them up at noon? She wouldn't do that, considering she's not working?

#228609 - 05/13/07 01:22 AM Re: Summer school question.... [Re: focusedon2]
jimmie Offline

Registered: 12/19/06
Posts: 117
In Buckeye's town (my town as well), SIL driving kids to SS, then going to work could easily mean driving 40 min to drop kids off then driving another thirty minutes to work. No kidding...... It would be a real hardship!

#228610 - 05/13/07 01:43 AM Re: Summer school question.... [Re: jimmie]
Buckeye Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 12/08/05
Posts: 7873
Loc: OH
Around here, summer school doesn't start until about 2 weeks after school is out and then runs until the first week of August, give or take.

So, I guess we will just have to do the "wait and see" and then plan accordingly.

Just wanted to see what people here thought he should do. I know SIL would insist on summer school, just wondered who should be doing all the driving or maybe they could even split the driving.

YS is doing a lot of sports now (kinda of M5 situation) but he is getting "scholarships" to join private type teams. Apparently BM's boy friend is getting upset with all the driving that she is doing and being away from her family with him babysitting all the kids. I'm sure if she has to drive to get kids to or from summer school, boyfriend will not be happy.

#228611 - 05/13/07 03:06 AM Re: Summer school question.... [Re: Buckeye]
4yroldmom Offline

Registered: 10/09/05
Posts: 40
BF will have to get over it. At the very least they could compromise and share some of the summer school and other activities. We do it today for my ss's. Ex drops off the other picks up or vice versa unless we have something that takes precidence over sharing the driving responsibilities. Boys are older 16 and 14 and 16 yr old has even figured out how to ride the buses if he just wants to go somewhere and is impatient about waiting around for someone to take him there.

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