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#228862 - 05/13/07 10:22 PM I don't even know what to do.. Help, I'm young.
realitybias Offline
recently joined

Registered: 05/13/07
Posts: 19
I'm young.. I sometimes think I'm smarter than I really am. I'm a very successful guy, I've done a lot in college so far, and I thought I had met the girl of my dreams. I have been married to her for just under a year, and we've been seeing each other for two. We only live in an apartment, and we barely have any money.

At first, the marriage was amazing. I could not stand being away from her. As time goes on, though, some of her darker side is coming out. She's always arguing, always yelling at me... she gets irritated very easily, and I try to give her space. My biggest problem is that she just doesn't help out, at all. Most of the time, she's just sitting in front of the computer not doing anything.

I provide ALL of the money for the family, I give her so much attention, and I've loved her and stayed faithful from the day I met her. Every time she gets mad at me for doing something wrong, or not doing something, I just feel insulted. She hates it when I tell her that it'd be good if she'd get a job, she hates it when I ask her to help around the house, etc.

And recently, I found out she's also got some serious psychological problems. She cuts herself (I've only caught her once, she said she stopped). I told her to go to a psychologist, which she did, who said nothing was wrong with her (I was floored that they didn't take cutting seriously). She's punched me before after I threatened divorce... that ended in a tearful end to the argument where we both appologised...

But things never change. I was too young when I married her, I still am too young. I keep thinking I made the biggest mistake in my life. The good times between us are great, I love her so much... but the bad times just hurt too much for me to keep going, and she doesn't help out. I don't know what to do...

Divorce would be an easy way out... Our income is about 10,000 dollars a year, and we live in an apartment. The reason that income is so easy to live off of is because I'm on scholarship. I hate to even suggest it, I don't even know HOW my family will react. They love this woman.. nobody knows the side of her that I do. I love this woman too... but I'm wondering if I can keep doing this any longer. I can't stand going UP and DOWN and UP and DOWN every day.



Edited by realitybias (05/13/07 10:29 PM)

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#228863 - 05/13/07 10:28 PM Re: I don't even know what to do.. Help, I'm young [Re: realitybias]
txks1151 Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 03/26/07
Posts: 210
HOLY CRAP!

This sounds exactly like my ex wife.. About 3 years ago..

Sorry to say, but if she does not want to get help for her mental issues, she wont. Did the doc say there is nothign wrong with her, or did she tell you that. And what was the doc told?

If she does not do anything now, what do you think it will be like when you guys have kids? It's probably NOT going to get better..

Depending on the state, if she gets herself declared disabled, you are in for a soaking.. And her never working looks bad too..

My advice, give us some more specifics, but going on what I read here.. Get out now. The longer you wait the more painful it becomes.

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#228864 - 05/13/07 10:34 PM Re: I don't even know what to do.. Help, I'm young [Re: txks1151]
realitybias Offline
recently joined

Registered: 05/13/07
Posts: 19
More specifics, sure. I'm so glad that someone out there can empathize with my plight. I'm only 18. We're both about to turn 19. I'm in college, she will be going to college to study nursing. She wants to help while I'm going through medical school, although I've constantly told her that it's not necessary, as I may decide not to even go to medical school and instead focus on my current degree in graduate school.

I have managed to keep a small job through college, and am living mostly on the income of that job, my family's gratuities, and my scholarship (the school pays me to go to this school). She's pretty much done nothing but sit around the house, she never cleans her own messes, and only does anything around the house when I get onto her case (with much yelling from the both of us).

She's hurt the cats before, nearly choked one of them to death (Shook em up heavily), and goes through constant up and down mood shifts. She refused to go for any more help, saying that the local mental health unit told her that it wasn't necessary. I honestly don't even have proof that she went, but I trust her. It isnt that she's not trustworthy, we both are pretty trustworthy to each other... its that she seems to think that I'm just going to sit here and take every verbal assault, every name calling episode, and just continue to work my arse off to get her through, with no help from her.

I love this woman, but really, there is only so much I can take...

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#228865 - 05/13/07 10:58 PM Re: I don't even know what to do.. Help, I'm young [Re: realitybias]
matilda Offline
Pooh-Bah

Registered: 11/11/04
Posts: 2143


She's hurt the cats before, nearly choked one of them to death (Shook em up heavily), and goes through constant up and down mood shifts. She refused to go for any more help, saying that the local mental health unit told her that it wasn't necessary. I honestly don't even have proof that she went, but I trust her. It isnt that she's not trustworthy, we both are pretty trustworthy to each other... its that she seems to think that I'm just going to sit here and take every verbal assault, every name calling episode, and just continue to work my arse off to get her through, with no help from her.

I love this woman, but really, there is only so much I can take... [/quote]

Don't you worry about her reactions if you ever have children with her? It is not uncommon for child abusers to also abuse animals. I hope you are using condoms. Have you thought about a trial separation so that you have time to get your head cleared? It might help motivate her to get some counseling for her issues.

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#228866 - 05/13/07 11:02 PM Re: I don't even know what to do.. Help, I'm young [Re: realitybias]
HatesFeminazis Offline
newbie

Registered: 05/13/07
Posts: 47
Cut your losses and get rid of the wench.

Seriously... Just think if she decides to get pregnant on ya!

Once you are rid of this leech, join any Fathers/Male rights group that you believe in and fight these "give me" "feminists" with all that you have.

It will only get worse if you don't stand up and join the fight, now (no pun intended)

Hate those butch cut, man haters!


Edited by HatesFeminazis (05/13/07 11:02 PM)
_________________________
First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, then you win-so read me.

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#228867 - 05/13/07 11:02 PM Re: I don't even know what to do.. Help, I'm young [Re: matilda]
realitybias Offline
recently joined

Registered: 05/13/07
Posts: 19
Neither of us want kids. She's on birth control, and I'm quite honestly scared to have children with her. There are times when I would think she'd be a great mom, and then there are times where I think she would possibly even hurt them. She's gotten extremely pissed off at me for even suggesting this, though, because I have talked to her about it. She then says, "Why are you holding the past against me? I wouldn't treat the kids like that. Kids are not cats"

Then she'd likely go on to call me a retard, jerk, or less mentionable things that I shouldn't be posting on this forum. I'd probably just bear it for a while, but she'd keep going on and on, and I'd try to explain myself... clear things up a little... and then she'd get mad at me, tell me to shut up, ask me why I'm continuing the argument. I'd finally just break down and stoop to her level, engage in a little name calling back (I've gotten a LOT better at avoiding this altogether, though, and haven't done that in a long time).

That's how an argument usually goes between us...

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#228868 - 05/13/07 11:04 PM Re: I don't even know what to do.. Help, I'm young [Re: realitybias]
realitybias Offline
recently joined

Registered: 05/13/07
Posts: 19
HF, I am actually not against feminism, but the concept of double standards is a cause that I can rally against beside you. It's so funny that you mention this, because she can call me the male version of the b word all she wants (not sure what the rules are on this forum for posting profanity), and insult me all she wants, but as soon as I sling an insult back, she tells me that I can't do that, and then cries, and gets angry at me.

She has said, flat out, that she believes its fine for her to call me names, but when I call her a b after a long argument (and by the way, it isnt often that I stoop to that level, but arguing for a certain amount of time does that to your brain), it's not fine.

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#228869 - 05/13/07 11:06 PM Re: I don't even know what to do.. Help, I'm young. [Re: realitybias]
almostheaven Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 07/14/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
Sounds to me like she DOES have some mental problem and perhaps you should first concentrate on getting her to a REAL psychologist. Because the one she saw (and do you know for a fact she did see one?) wasn't worth .02. Once her problem can be diagnosed, you may no longer see these "episodes" she seems to be having.
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Char Fox

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#228870 - 05/13/07 11:07 PM Re: I don't even know what to do.. Help, I'm young [Re: realitybias]
realitybias Offline
recently joined

Registered: 05/13/07
Posts: 19
I would also like to say that I've never hurt her. I've held her down when I believed she'd be a danger to herself (when she gets so angry that she thrashes around and starts rolling around the bed like a seizure), and I've held her close whenever she was crying and in an angry fit to try to comfort her, only to get repeatedly kicked. Hell, she'll even kick me in bed if I even so much as slightly touch her after we have an argument.

She's flat out punched me before, as I mentioned earlier, after I threatened divorce. It hurt my ego more than it did physically, and during the argument, she kept calling me a baby... but after it was all through, she told me that she was so sorry, and that she's not normally lik ethat, and that she didnt mean to hit me.

And then, like magic, she's got me back, feeling happy again, not wanting to really let go of her.

She's even told me before she's felt like killing herself, told me that she nearly crashed the car into a tree on purpose, and every time I threaten to divorce, she goes into this state where I literally think she will...

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#228871 - 05/13/07 11:08 PM Re: I don't even know what to do.. Help, I'm young [Re: realitybias]
almostheaven Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 07/14/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
Try and get her to go to therapy WITH you, so you know she went, so you know she's serious about working on it. If she won't do that, follow txks1151's advice before you're in the marriage too long that more damage is done.
_________________________
Char Fox

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