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#228872 - 05/13/07 11:09 PM Re: I don't even know what to do.. Help, I'm young [Re: almostheaven]
realitybias Offline
recently joined

Registered: 05/13/07
Posts: 19
Almost, we don't have money. Heck, we don't even have health insurance... and she's perfectly content thinking she's got no problem.

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#228873 - 05/13/07 11:10 PM Re: I don't even know what to do.. Help, I'm young [Re: realitybias]
almostheaven Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 07/14/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
SHE'S on BC, but are YOU? Don't trust someone, whom you yourself says has some issues, to be honest with you about the BC...any moreso than she was honest about the psychologist that I seriously doubt she saw. Make sure YOU'RE covered in this area until you DO make a decision to get out or until she has gotten help.
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Char Fox

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#228874 - 05/13/07 11:12 PM Re: I don't even know what to do.. Help, I'm young [Re: realitybias]
almostheaven Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 07/14/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
When she hits you, threatens to kill herself, etc., call 911. If she's threatening suicide, they'll take her to the emergency room and FORCE her to therapy. That may be the only way to get her help. Then if she is put on medication, you'll need to make sure she takes it. Getting them help is one thing, making them keep up with that help is an ongoing process.
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Char Fox

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#228875 - 05/13/07 11:14 PM Re: I don't even know what to do.. Help, I'm young [Re: realitybias]
almostheaven Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 07/14/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
There are free/income-based clinics in every state. Contact your local Dept. of Health and Human Resources and they can direct you where to find these. As I mention below, if you call 911 during these incidents, they will force her into therapy. And you can fill out financial forms at the hospital to base what you would owe on your income or receive the services free.
_________________________
Char Fox

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#228876 - 05/13/07 11:14 PM Re: I don't even know what to do.. Help, I'm young [Re: almostheaven]
realitybias Offline
recently joined

Registered: 05/13/07
Posts: 19
Already, sex is getting fewer and far between. There are so many things that have to be right for her to be in the mood, though it wasn't always this way. I watch her take the BC pills, though, and I'm not too worried about that aspects. She doesn't want any kids either, I'm sure of this, because despite all of her insecurities, she's a very smart woman. That's why I married her. She doesn't want to ruin her life, but there are certain issues that are just too tough for her to deal with, and she pushes back so hard, that she ends up hurting me as well. She goes from being sedentary, quiet, without working at all or doing anything... to standing up, working for a few minutes, and finding something to scream about, get angry about... and then goes back to sitting at her computer, ignoring me...

hell, that's exactly where she's at right now. We just had an argument about an hour ago... it's what prompted my posting of this.

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#228877 - 05/13/07 11:17 PM Re: I don't even know what to do.. Help, I'm young [Re: almostheaven]
realitybias Offline
recently joined

Registered: 05/13/07
Posts: 19
Thats the problem.. she went to one of those free clinics. She never even TALKED to the psychiatrist. Instead, she was put in contact with a certified therapist who screens all of the incoming cases and allows certain ones to go through to the psychiatrist. She told me that the psychiatrist was booked for 6 weeks, so they are only taking really serious cases.

She told me these things when we weren't arguing, and from experience, she's usually very trustworthy when we're not arguing. She told me all that she told him (That she cut herself, that she is depressed a lot, that she gets angry a lot), and she said that the counselor told her that life sucked, and that she should instead see a psychologist on my college campus. I'm trying to get her to go to one of those, but she just seems to have no interest, equating what the counselor said as meaning, "It's really not serious"

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#228878 - 05/13/07 11:28 PM Re: I don't even know what to do.. Help, I'm young [Re: realitybias]
realitybias Offline
recently joined

Registered: 05/13/07
Posts: 19
So.. I understand that I've used this forum to vent, and I thank all of you for coming to talk to me. There are things that keep me with her, and there are things that push me away...

The case to stay with her...
She really is a nice lady, most of the time.
She makes me feel loved.
I was her first (everything).
She depends on me.
She is awesome, when not going through her rougher phases.
I take marriage seriously.
I've worked so hard to make this marriage work.

But then...
She doesnt respect me.
She doesnt work.
She has extreme anger problems.
She has threatened suicide.
She has cut herself.
My family LOVES her (and it would be so hard to explain, because I'm the person they all expect to succeed in everything in life).
She depends on me (Funny how this is both a reason to stay and a reason to let go).
The fights are just getting tougher and tougher to go through..

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#228879 - 05/13/07 11:33 PM Re: I don't even know what to do.. Help, I'm young [Re: realitybias]
matilda Offline
Pooh-Bah

Registered: 11/11/04
Posts: 2144
She may not wants kids now, but that could change if she thinks she is losing you. More than one child has been born as a way to keep a failing marriage intact. "Accidents" happen as well. She is still young, so she probably likes her freedom. In a few years she could decide it is time to start a family. If she doesn't get help before then it could become more complicated to leave. Co-parenting with someone who is irrational is not fun!!

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#228880 - 05/13/07 11:36 PM Re: I don't even know what to do.. Help, I'm young [Re: matilda]
realitybias Offline
recently joined

Registered: 05/13/07
Posts: 19
I hoping that everything will be over in a year from now, either through her own successful attempt at fixing the problems that are rendering this marriage tougher and tougher to live with, or by truly just leaving this marriage. I will make sure, though, that no children are made in the process, to the best of my abilities. I may have made her sound like too much of a bad person, she's a very sweet girl, and usually extremely nice.

It's just when she goes into these crazy spats, that she becomes literally, a wholey different person.... Hah, I wish I could just stay married to one of them instead of being with both!

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#228881 - 05/13/07 11:45 PM Re: I don't even know what to do.. Help, I'm young [Re: realitybias]
matilda Offline
Pooh-Bah

Registered: 11/11/04
Posts: 2144
The case to stay with her...
She really is a nice lady, most of the time. I'm sure Saddam, Hitler, etc all were nice at sometimes. Child abusers are nice at times too. She needs help and she doesn't sound very motivated to get it.

She makes me feel loved. Sorry, but a puppy can make you feel loved too. A normal healthy relationship can make you feel loved as well without the worries of getting hurt. Do you have a need to try to help and fix her? Some people stay in dysfunctional relationships because they have a need to "fix" the other person.

I was her first (everything). This is not a reason to put up with being mistreated. It may be that others realized that she had emotional issues and decided to stay clear. Would you feel guilty if you left because of this? Do you feel some obligation to care for her because of this?

She depends on me. A healthy relationship has both people contributing to the relationship. Do you have some need to have others depend on you to feel good about yourself?

She is awesome, when not going through her rougher phases. Your rougher phases sound like they could become very serious. Are you worried about her physically hurting you or herself?

I take marriage seriously.
I've worked so hard to make this marriage work. It takes two people to make a marriage work. If she won't work to make herself emotionally healthy, she isn't taking your marriage seriously. A marriage won't work unless both people put forth the effort.

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