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#229047 - 05/14/07 05:28 AM Pretty good day....
EarlF Offline
recently joined

Registered: 05/12/07
Posts: 20
Loc: Hades
Kids' mom called this morning asking to see the boys today. I set myself up for an argument on her part but told her if she was willing, I would meet her at he park by our house and we would spend as much time as we could. It went prettty well. the boys didnt ask where she had been, why she hasnt been here, or anything like that. they seemed to take it at face value. She was here, she was gone, now she is back. They told her they were happy, active in sports, doing great in school, etc.... She had brought them a basketball, as the park we met at had a basketball court. She told them they could go play hoops if they wanted. Well, of course, they did. Which left me alone with her. She started off by telliing me how much she missed me, the boys, being a mom, all of that stuff. I kept my mouth shut. I didnt know what was coming but then again, I did. She asked if we could start over and be a "couple" again. I kinda laughed, with no humor or malice, and tol dher it was way past that point. ALL I am worried about is having what is best for the boys, and getting them ready for college, etc..... She threw a fit, not in front of the boys, thank the lord. I told her the visit was over and maybe we cold do it again soon. She said she is going to modify her custody petition to just vistiation. I guess that will come out in the wash. But , all in all, it was a great day for the boys Stopped on the way and let them buy her some roses and develop some pics off their digital cameras for her. I am not stressing near as much as I was. Thank you all for all the great advice. :D
Earl Very grateful for my two boys.

#229048 - 05/14/07 10:18 AM Re: Pretty good day.... [Re: EarlF]
tsl Offline

Registered: 06/24/04
Posts: 2274
Well, if you both are being civil, next time you talk to her ask if she will try to sit down with you guys (as I feel the boys are old enough to be involved to an extent) and come up with a phased in visitation schedule.

IMO, with the boys being older they shouldn't need a long phase in period.
Duct tape can't fix stupid but it can keep them out of the way."

#229049 - 05/14/07 12:22 PM Re: Pretty good day.... [Re: tsl]
EarlF Offline
recently joined

Registered: 05/12/07
Posts: 20
Loc: Hades
I agree. I know they are going to need and want time without me there, and I have no problem with that. I just want them to know her a but before I send them off. They are very mixed up inside as to how they should/do feel. We sat up later than we should have last night talkin gabout it , and all I could think to tell them was that everything they felt was right and normal. They want to get to know her again, for the first few years, she spent 24/7 with them. They do remember her, so it shouldnt be long.
I am just scared to death she is going to take off again. But, I cant prevent that any more than I can prevent her seeing our sons.
Earl Very grateful for my two boys.

#229050 - 05/14/07 10:27 PM Re: Pretty good day.... [Re: EarlF]
PhoenixRising Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 01/05/07
Posts: 3681
Loc: New York

Pat yourself on the back..

You maintained a civil conversation w/ your stbx. You must have had many emotions running through you but you kept the conversation and her from getting out-of-hand..

You didn't "poke the dog."

I am not able to be you, yet..

My ex and I haven't graduated to being able to be in the same room together. I would love to say it is all his fault but it takes two...

Congrats! You are an awesome Dad and did a great thing for your kids...
Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. --Plato

#229051 - 05/14/07 10:29 PM Re: Pretty good day.... [Re: PhoenixRising]
HatesFeminazis Offline

Registered: 05/13/07
Posts: 47
I am jealous PhoenixRising!

How can you post your name and I cannot even talk about my good friend


without getting censored?
First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, then you win-so read me.

#229052 - 05/14/07 10:33 PM Re: Pretty good day.... [Re: PhoenixRising]
joym525 Offline
old hand

Registered: 03/13/07
Posts: 756
You are great dad! The boys are lucky to have you. I am sure it is very scary to let her back into their lives knowing she may split again. But maybe, just maybe, she is serious about being in their lives.

Good luck!

#229053 - 05/15/07 11:01 PM Re: Pretty good day.... [Re: joym525]
jimmie Offline

Registered: 12/19/06
Posts: 117
Earl I am glad to hear that it went well.

My situation is not as extreme as yours,but I will say this. My kid's father was our of the picture for a year nd seemed a little unstable. He has been seeing our child for about five months now, and per our personal agreement, I am present. The tone of his parenting time isn't like
i am there to "watch" him, I am there to supervise our child. These past five months have been incredibly healing. I think of EX like a brother, and when he is around I feel we are all family members enjoying our time together. When Ex and I are ready for him to take child alone, I will be very greatful that I had this time to build trust in him. The way we figure it, the more trust we have between us, the less court in our future! We also like the idea of coparenting and we are really commited to working together on that. You are a great dad, again I wish you the best of luck!


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