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#250860 - 07/04/07 11:34 AM Re: Changing Names after Divorce [Re: youngatheart]
Relayer Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 03/13/07
Posts: 9506
Loc: Moorglade Mover
It's funny. Both my ex's hate(d) my guts. Yet for a long time #1 still used my last name and #2 still does.
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#250861 - 07/04/07 02:41 PM Re: Changing Names after Divorce [Re: youngatheart]
Redlegg Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 10/06/06
Posts: 27903
I heard of guy whose name was Jack Schitt, he couldn't stand it so he had it changed, to Joe.

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#250862 - 07/04/07 02:49 PM Re: Changing Names after Divorce [Re: youngatheart]
Miranda Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
Quote:
My identity has nothing to do with my maiden name. I go by the name I took when I married 12 years ago. It IS my name. That IS who just about everyone in the world knows me by. It is the name in which my education is under. It is the name EVERYONE at work knows me by, all students, all teachers, all families. That said, even if I changed it to Smith or Johnson or Doright, it wouldn't change my IDENTITY. I am who I am....a name is just what I'm called. I have reasons for being attached to the one I use...which is why I use it, same as most people use the name to which they are attached.


I will just disagree with your stance. Changing your name absolutely changes your identity-that is why the word alias exists.
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13.1...because I am only half crazy!

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#250863 - 07/04/07 11:37 PM Re: Changing Names after Divorce [Re: PhoenixRising]
TGSM Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 02/07/05
Posts: 5856
Maybe I am just grouchy today and I apologize for being touchy, but I am very confused. You say in one post, "The fact that it is also his name; is just a coincidence at this point. Just like the two Smiths in my son's class this year aren't related. This child would not be related to that branch.."

Then in another, "If I had my way, in the subsequent marriages the additional wives would NOT be allowed to take the name.

I don't care what you call them but they should NOT have my name; I am still using it..."

Which is it? If it's just a name, then why care if your ex husbands wife uses the name? As far as I am concerned, I don't care what name she goes by. She was her married name longer than her maiden, but don't begrudge me going by my husbands name...he is my first and only husband and as of now I am Mrs. DH P. She is Ms. Yahoo P. now...totally different contexts.
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Faith-a f*rm belief in something for which there is no proof...complete trust.~Merriam Webster

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#250864 - 07/04/07 11:58 PM Re: Changing Names after Divorce [Re: TGSM]
PhoenixRising Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 01/05/07
Posts: 3681
Loc: New York
I was just being touchy...

The other side of the arguement for those that think that the prior wife should not have the name or shouldn't be able to give the name to her subsequent children... is that technically the name should be only given out once... Til death do we part.. Subsequent wives can just wait until I die..
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Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. --Plato

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#250865 - 07/05/07 01:05 AM Re: Changing Names after Divorce [Re: PhoenixRising]
Miranda Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
You think women should give their ex husband's last names to subsequent children? How awful for the children to be named after a man who has no connection to them. My good friend in H.S. had that problem and as soon as she turned 18 she got rid of that last name (her mom's ex's last name) and changed it to her bio fathers-even though he was absent.
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13.1...because I am only half crazy!

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#250866 - 07/05/07 04:24 AM Re: Changing Names after Divorce [Re: Miranda]
PhoenixRising Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 01/05/07
Posts: 3681
Loc: New York
"You think women should give their ex husband's last names to subsequent children? How awful for the children to be named after a man who has no connection to them."

NO, I AM NOT GIVING MY SUBSEQUENT CHILDREN MY EX-HUSBAND'S NAME !!!

I am giving them MY NAME!! He is free to go out and change his name to anything he wants; if he wants to change history and pretend that we hadn't been married for the twenty years...

I purused the school directory: There are:
4 smiths -none related
7 browns -3 related
8 scherers -all related (albeit distantly) founding fathers and all that..
2 schmidts -not related
2 martinezs -not related
3 carrs -2 related..

I will have a whole branch of "G's" not related to their branch.. It will be easy to tell the difference; my descendents will be the ones that didn't fall out of the stupid tree...
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Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. --Plato

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#250867 - 07/05/07 06:18 AM Re: Changing Names after Divorce [Re: Redlegg]
almostheaven Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 07/14/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
He changed his name to Jack Joe???
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Char Fox

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#250868 - 07/05/07 12:16 PM Re: Changing Names after Divorce [Re: almostheaven]
Redlegg Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 10/06/06
Posts: 27903
Come on, two first names, who does that <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

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#250869 - 07/05/07 05:11 PM But remember PR... [Re: PhoenixRising]
preemiemom Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 01/17/07
Posts: 19391
a few things that are different and given your circumstances, you might not relate to:

1) In my case, I will likely have my divorce papers signed off before our 2 year wedding anniversary. Yes, I married him, and I took MY vows very seriously, he didn't given them even half a FIRST thought, never mind a 2nd. I will be returning to my maiden name, PERIOD. I have no intention of having my name associated with him for the rest of my life. I had said this before I ever remarried and had I not had a child, I would have stuck with it.. I was born my maiden last name, I will die with it. The ONLY reason I changed my last name after marrying was b/c I was pregnant.

You're looking at it through the eyes of having had that name for 20 years. I'm looking at through the eyes of having had it about 15 months before he bailed. Totally different.

Also, his last name sucks <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Yours is at least pronouncable. I still can't say my last name, his poor daughter can't pronounce it either.. none of my co-workers can pronounce it. I let telemarkets and other callers get through about 30 seconds of fumbling with the pronounciation before I just say it for them.. yes, that's me.. Mrs. impossible last name.. now what do you want??

2) On the first wife. It wasn't just ME that had a problem with it. His father threatened he'd show up at her house with a shotgun if he found out she'd used HIS last name (stbx's dad). Everyone DESPISES the woman and the man she had the child with was the man she was screwing around on stbx with. The idea that she'd give stbx HIS last name (bear in mind, there were other issues, ie they weren't DIVORCED, thereby technically making the child, by law, stbx's, not the boyfriend's in terms of NY "assumption of legitimacy" rules).

I, and anyone who knew the situation, were in unanimous agreement that for her to name the child of her lover by her husband's last name (given they were divorced etc) would just be the absolute lowest in low-class.

I venture to guess some of HER friends might have said the same thing since she decided shortly thereafter to return to HER maiden name.
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The best we can do is live our lives with enlightened improvisation.

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