Strictly to debate another view.. nothing personal <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
"My name is the name I was given at birth"
I agree I was also given a name at birth. I was given a new name when I married.
----->>> No, it wasn't "given" per se.. a wife ASSUMES the new name. It doesn't erase your original name, nor is there a guarantee of permanency.
The name was not on loan. When I took possession of it; it was with the knowledge that it was permanent.
------->>>>> Knowledge? No... on the promise? Yes. On the hope? Yes. On the assumption? Yes. But there is no guarantee of anything permanent in life.
I left my childhood home and my childhood name.
I fulfilled my marriage contract. I did EVERYTHING I was supposed to do. My ex decided he wanted a younger model..
He doesn't get to take the name back. He doesn't get to renege after 20 years..
----------->>> Actually, all the more reason I WOULD want my own name back. After all that time and after screwing me over? Damn straight, I'd want to make it damn clear I was my own person, and that I didn't need to be tied, emotionally, physically, financially, or by NAME to him anymore. But that's me. It is also my 2nd husband's first wife's position too. She did TWENTY NINE YEARS (yes, my 2nd husband was MUCH MUCH older than I). And she immediately, do not pass go, okay, she collected about $600,000 (no kids)... but she changed her name.. IMMEDIATELY.. Like the day the decree was entered. She actually agreed, no less, to annul their marriage when he got married to #3. So evidently you can renege on that many years.
If I had my way, in the subsequent marriages the additional wives would NOT be allowed to take the name.
I don't care what you call them but they should NOT have my name; I am still using it...
------->>>> Why not? They made the same exact commitment you did. And, in fact, are doing so at greater risk and with a whole lot more baggage. If anything, they probably deserve the name more. You went in as a youngster, wide eyed, full of promise and naivety. No baggage, no ex's, no children. Whoever becomes #2 takes him on with all that stuff. An ex wife who will probably resent her existence (and resent the use of the name, lol.. again, this is not about YOU personally, just a flip side of the coin to look at, so that last was meant to be a joke), children that aren't hers and will probably ALSO resent her presence, impaired finances due to say alimony, child support (where/if applicable), the emotional baggage of someone divorced.. shall I go on? She goes in and she takes that on. Why does she deserve the name any less than the first wife?
Why should a first or previous wife get to KEEP it? Particularly, say, if THEY initiated the divorce? You didn't want the man, why want the name? And why does a name identify/define who you are? (again, using the "you" in the overall sense).
I keep going back to... I am who I was born. Marriage didn't change that. And I will go back to that name. Also, partially why I want to (and am) change dd's name. She is not just a creation of HIS, she is a creation of OURS. Since he reneged on his end of the marriage (and parenting) deal, there's no reason why I should have her have her last name as solely his.. Her name will be a hyphenation of us BOTH. Now that we are split. That way she will always be identifiable with BOTH of us.. actually in ALL her names (her first name is her father's middle name, in feminine form, her middle name is my first name). So she will, truly, be a totally blended version of the two of us name-wise.