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#250870 - 07/05/07 05:26 PM Re: But remember PR... [Re: preemiemom]
RJ1 Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 12/20/05
Posts: 5165
I just don't get the name thing. Why would anyone really care what an adult names themselves? We all have that right as adults. I could name myself Peter Pumpkineater and I'll be darn if anyone says anything to me about it!

Even though I'm old fashioned, if that's what you call it, I believe the children should have their father's last name. But that's just my opinion and may not fit someone else's life. But it's ultimately up to the adults.

I just don't get it.........(shrug)


#250871 - 07/05/07 05:32 PM Re: Changing Names after Divorce [Re: PhoenixRising]
preemiemom Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 01/17/07
Posts: 19391
Strictly to debate another view.. nothing personal <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

"My name is the name I was given at birth"

I agree I was also given a name at birth. I was given a new name when I married.

----->>> No, it wasn't "given" per se.. a wife ASSUMES the new name. It doesn't erase your original name, nor is there a guarantee of permanency.

The name was not on loan. When I took possession of it; it was with the knowledge that it was permanent.

------->>>>> Knowledge? No... on the promise? Yes. On the hope? Yes. On the assumption? Yes. But there is no guarantee of anything permanent in life.

I left my childhood home and my childhood name.

I fulfilled my marriage contract. I did EVERYTHING I was supposed to do. My ex decided he wanted a younger model..

He doesn't get to take the name back. He doesn't get to renege after 20 years..

----------->>> Actually, all the more reason I WOULD want my own name back. After all that time and after screwing me over? Damn straight, I'd want to make it damn clear I was my own person, and that I didn't need to be tied, emotionally, physically, financially, or by NAME to him anymore. But that's me. It is also my 2nd husband's first wife's position too. She did TWENTY NINE YEARS (yes, my 2nd husband was MUCH MUCH older than I). And she immediately, do not pass go, okay, she collected about $600,000 (no kids)... but she changed her name.. IMMEDIATELY.. Like the day the decree was entered. She actually agreed, no less, to annul their marriage when he got married to #3. So evidently you can renege on that many years.

If I had my way, in the subsequent marriages the additional wives would NOT be allowed to take the name.

I don't care what you call them but they should NOT have my name; I am still using it...

------->>>> Why not? They made the same exact commitment you did. And, in fact, are doing so at greater risk and with a whole lot more baggage. If anything, they probably deserve the name more. You went in as a youngster, wide eyed, full of promise and naivety. No baggage, no ex's, no children. Whoever becomes #2 takes him on with all that stuff. An ex wife who will probably resent her existence (and resent the use of the name, lol.. again, this is not about YOU personally, just a flip side of the coin to look at, so that last was meant to be a joke), children that aren't hers and will probably ALSO resent her presence, impaired finances due to say alimony, child support (where/if applicable), the emotional baggage of someone divorced.. shall I go on? She goes in and she takes that on. Why does she deserve the name any less than the first wife?

Why should a first or previous wife get to KEEP it? Particularly, say, if THEY initiated the divorce? You didn't want the man, why want the name? And why does a name identify/define who you are? (again, using the "you" in the overall sense).

I keep going back to... I am who I was born. Marriage didn't change that. And I will go back to that name. Also, partially why I want to (and am) change dd's name. She is not just a creation of HIS, she is a creation of OURS. Since he reneged on his end of the marriage (and parenting) deal, there's no reason why I should have her have her last name as solely his.. Her name will be a hyphenation of us BOTH. Now that we are split. That way she will always be identifiable with BOTH of us.. actually in ALL her names (her first name is her father's middle name, in feminine form, her middle name is my first name). So she will, truly, be a totally blended version of the two of us name-wise.
The best we can do is live our lives with enlightened improvisation.

#250872 - 07/05/07 05:35 PM Re: But remember PR... [Re: RJ1]
preemiemom Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 01/17/07
Posts: 19391
Welll... I'm trying to look at it now from the MALE perspective.

I don't think I'd want some child that wasn't created from my sperm, and with whom I had no part in providing for, raising, or anything else.. running around with MY last name.

Looking at it through stbx's eyes.. I definately wouldn't want my ex wife's illegitimate child running around with my last name. It would almost seem like she was trying to legitimize the child in doing so, and using MY name to do it. And considering she (and again, speaking in "his" voice) already robbed me of my house, my savings, my sense of self-worth, and any remote sense of pride, I think she should my name alone.

(and ultimately she did)
The best we can do is live our lives with enlightened improvisation.

#250873 - 07/05/07 05:57 PM Re: But remember PR... [Re: preemiemom]
RJ1 Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 12/20/05
Posts: 5165
Well it sounds like it would be considered personal issues with him. Lots of people unrelated share the same last name. But I also think it was in poor taste and tacky to threaten with a shotgun. It goes both ways. But I STILL don't see this big issue with a name. A lot of people couldn't believe I named my son after his Dad when we weren't even married. It's my business and that's exactly what I told them.

*shrug* again

Come to think of it, it has never ever crossed my mind if my ex's first ex wife kept his name. Never even thought about it at all. I guess I just don't care what other people do.


#250874 - 07/05/07 07:21 PM Re: But remember PR... [Re: RJ1]
nrvouswrk Offline

Registered: 04/13/06
Posts: 2362
I am remarried and still go by my ex husband's last name. To be honest with you, I couldn't care less how many Mrs. Fools are out there. If he was ever able to find a Mrs. Fool #3, and she had a fit over me using the name, she could go to hell for all I would care.

It isn't as if it is even a great name. Like PR said, it is the one I use. It fits me for some reason. My current husband's doesn't.

#250875 - 07/05/07 07:51 PM Re: Changing Names after Divorce [Re: preemiemom]
Debbie_L Offline

Registered: 06/06/05
Posts: 2031
My daughter (aged 14) and I have NEVER had the same last name. It doesn't bother her, me or anybody else that I'm aware of. It really is a non-issue for us. If it did bother her I would probably have her change it to my name. I wouldn't take her last name (it is her dad's, and while we did live together for a few years we were never married).

#250876 - 07/05/07 07:52 PM Re: Changing Names after Divorce [Re: Redlegg]
almostheaven Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 07/14/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
Well lets see, just off the top of my head:

Eddie Albert
Benedict Arnold
Tom Arnold
Richard Benjamin
Jack Benny
Omar Bradley
Morgan Brittany
Lenny Bruce
Jim Carrey
Drew Carey
Mariah Carey
Ray Charles
Agatha Christie
Dick Clark
Roy Clark
Henry Clay
Billy Crystal
Tony Curtis
Larry David
James Dean
Sandra Dee
Kirk Douglas
Michael Douglas
Chris Eliot
Julius "Dr. J" Erving
Chad Everett
Tammy Faye
Arlene Francis
Barney Frank
Benjamin Franklin
Peter Gabriel
Crystal Gayle
Judd Gregg
Dick Gregory
Darryl Hannah
Paul Harvey
Steve Harvey
Buddy Holly
Bob Hope
Ron Howard
Chris Isaak
Jesse James
Rick James
Billy Joel
Elton John
Danny Kaye
DeForest Kelly
Gene Kelly
George Kelly
Grace Kelly
Ralph Lauren
Martin Lawrence
Brandon Lee
Bruce Lee
Michele Lee
Robert E. Lee
Jerry Lewis

Ok, this is getting tedious, so I'm gonna stop now and just tell ya that I pulled these out of my head. believe that, right? LOL
Char Fox

#250877 - 07/05/07 09:19 PM Re: Changing Names after Divorce [Re: almostheaven]
Redlegg Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 10/06/06
Posts: 27903
Wow, all of that for Jack Sh*t, very nice <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

#250878 - 07/07/07 04:09 AM Re: Changing Names after Divorce [Re: preemiemom]
Debi Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 7157
I had a concern that since her last name was my stbx's last name that she'd try to give THAT last name to the new child. THAT would be a no-no, wouldn't it? I mean, I guess it's "legal" but morally that'd just be super super super tacky no?

----> When my kids asked me what their new sisters name would be I didn't have an answer for them. I kept my name when I got divorced and this child's father doesn't seem to plan to be in the picture.

My oldest daugheter wrote a letter to her father (unknown to me) asking him if it would be okay for the baby to have their last name because they don't want her to feel different. My x called me after he got the letter and told me that if that's what the girls want it's what I should do because it's my name too. I was actually very touched by it, because I'm not sure I'd have asked him or done it. I'm not sure what I'd have done but I'd have had to come up with an option.
When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.

#250879 - 07/07/07 04:36 AM Re: Changing Names after Divorce [Re: PhoenixRising]
momathome Offline
recently joined

Registered: 07/07/07
Posts: 1
I took back my maiden name when I divorced, because my maiden name is the name I was given at birth. My x's name was only my name because we married...for better or worse only applied while we were son of course has his father's name and always will, but that is not MY name. I am about to re-marry, and of course I will take his name...I am pregnant and of course our child will have his name...his x kept the married name and is about to give birth as well, but she isn't married and is unsure of the paternity of the child and it is our concern that she will give the child the "married" name and that people will associate HER child with what is now OUR family...I personally don't like it, but I suppose there isn't much I can do other than assure people that the child isn't related to us in any way...oh, did I mention that the reason she ever became his x was due to her drug addiction and stealing/forgery to support her habit??...this is why we don't want to be associated with her and her child...selfish, perhaps...justified, I think so.

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