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#250880 - 07/07/07 03:02 PM Re: Changing Names after Divorce [Re: momathome]
PhoenixRising Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 01/05/07
Posts: 3681
Loc: New York
Let me understand...

You think that you and your bastard child deserve the name..

But the woman that was actually married to the man do not...

Sorry that logic escapes me... but the bottom line is: IT was her name long before you came into the picture..

If you don't like the situation; don't make it worse by marrying into it...
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Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. --Plato

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#250881 - 07/07/07 05:23 PM Re: Changing Names after Divorce [Re: PhoenixRising]
Miranda Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
You think that you and your bastard child deserve the name..


*********

Yikes, I guess you think your bastard children should get your ex's name too though, right? Isn't that the right of a former spouse?
_________________________
13.1...because I am only half crazy!

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#250882 - 07/08/07 01:19 AM Re: Changing Names after Divorce [Re: PhoenixRising]
preemiemom Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 01/17/07
Posts: 19391
Quote:
Let me understand...

You think that you and your bastard child deserve the name..

But the woman that was actually married to the man do not...

Sorry that logic escapes me... but the bottom line is: IT was her name long before you came into the picture..

If you don't like the situation; don't make it worse by marrying into it...


But again, if I read correctly the child is NOT biologically his?

This sounds like a VERY similar scenario to my stbx. His ex seeing that up til that point had retained her married name (although, now in retrospect that evidently wasn't by choice, she could NOT change her name b/c she wasn't legally divorced.. a fact SHE knew but stbx did NOT.. once the divorce WAS final, she wasted no time whatsoever in changing her name back to her maiden name, so half of what came out of her mouth regarding her name was bs to begin with).. but ANYWAY.. HAD she retained her married name, she COULD have given her new child that name and you think that's appropriate?

The child is NO relation whatsoever to being that last name. The wife was no longer married to stbx, the child was NOT his biologically, AND to add further potential insult to injury, the ACTUAL father of the child was the man that she was cheating on stbx with.

So he should be happy her illegitimate child, fathered by the man she was cheating on him with, should share the same last name of his biological child with her, and also his biological child with me?

Sorry, I'm pretty ballsy sometimes but I would NEVER have the temerity, being divorced, to give my ex-husband's last name to a child NOT of his biology. To do that is just tacky in my opinion.
_________________________
The best we can do is live our lives with enlightened improvisation.

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#250883 - 07/08/07 02:18 PM Re: Changing Names after Divorce [Re: preemiemom]
sally1234 Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 12/07/06
Posts: 237
I believe it is every adults choice to have whatever name they choose.

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#250884 - 07/08/07 02:24 PM Re: Changing Names after Divorce [Re: ssmom79]
rocki Offline
newbie

Registered: 06/12/07
Posts: 29
I kept my ex's name and added my maiden name at the end. My then six year old daughter was afraid that if our names were different that I wouldn't be her mommy anymore. I only use the ex's last name when it pertains to my children i.e. school. But I do not agree to giving a child an ex's name just so children in the house have the same name. I have 4 kids and only 3 have the same last name. One has my maiden name. And now everyone is covered.

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#250885 - 07/09/07 08:52 PM Re: Changing Names after Divorce [Re: rocki]
Relayer Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 03/13/07
Posts: 9506
Loc: Moorglade Mover
The child should have the last name of whoever the father is. Period.
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GO CUBBIES!!!!

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#250886 - 07/10/07 03:04 AM Re: Changing Names after Divorce [Re: Relayer]
almostheaven Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 07/14/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
Why? Who made the law that children should be named after the fathers? Who decided that women, who do all the bearing, the birthing, the 9 months of sickness, swelling, backaches, etc. etc., weren't important enough for a child to have THEIR name? And what if the father isn't even in the picture? What if he was some fly by night schmuck she met in a bar and didn't catch his last name, and was too drunk to remember his first? Do we name the child Baby Schmuck?
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Char Fox

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#250887 - 07/10/07 12:07 PM Re: Changing Names after Divorce [Re: almostheaven]
Redlegg Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 10/06/06
Posts: 27903
Maybe its just a tradition and not a law, and women giving birth really has nothing to do with it, as it has been proved that one person who does something by themselves in a marriage has no more rights than the spouse who does not participate. I guess you could call the child baby Schmuck, baby Slut, baby stupid, baby what was I thinking, or even baby OOPS, If the parents are married, then the child should have their last name including hyphens if they exist, if it is a single custodial parent, then they child should have the name that parent chooses, but neither parent should get the choice based solely on their participation, thats not equal and not how we do things these days.

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#250888 - 07/10/07 01:41 PM Re: Changing Names after Divorce [Re: Relayer]
preemiemom Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 01/17/07
Posts: 19391
Quote:
The child should have the last name of whoever the father is. Period.


And why is THAT? What if a woman doesn't take her husband's name upon marriage at all? I wasn't intending to. My career has been mostly with my maiden name, and I was extremely hesitant to change it and ONLY did because I was pregnant.

Now, I have NO intention whatsoever of keeping sfb's last name (it's impossible to spell or pronounce), we were only "married" 16 months and I'm 100% responsible for the child financially and about 95% responsible for her physically.

So, other than provide sperm, what exactly has he done that warrants an assumption that his last name is somehow better than mine?

I will be reassuming my maiden name, our daughter's name will be changed to be a hyphenated version of BOTH of our last names. To me, THAT is fair. It equally represents BOTH parents, doesn't change his status on the birth certificate, and at least gives us some "same name status" in the same household (something that is of importance to me, and my value system... doesn't matter to others, but it matters to me).
_________________________
The best we can do is live our lives with enlightened improvisation.

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#250889 - 07/10/07 02:02 PM Re: Changing Names after Divorce [Re: Redlegg]
almostheaven Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 07/14/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
Well why not? Relayer wants them to have the choice based solely on their gender. I think participation should trump gender.
_________________________
Char Fox

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