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#264131 - 08/02/07 05:38 PM feeling alone new to board
4courage Offline
recently joined

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 3
Been looking on the internet for some common ground
I'll try to make my story short. Married for 35 years and I left about a month ago...husband hadn't slept in same bed with me for 4 years..bought my own clothes, car, toiletries. He is retired and said we didn't have money for extras so I knew I'd be working the rest of my life anyway. I live in a small town and when you are the leaver there is no understanding. I don't tell my troubles at large because it is no ones business. I was just wondering if anyone out there had left for the same reasons. he was so controlling all those years in such a suttle way....when I told him I had always been a little afraid of him he said, "I know". also our grown sons (30 and 35) are hurt and dissapointed in me. They worry about their father because he tried to committ suicide a few years ago...didn't realize what a mess I'm in till I typed it here!!!
<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

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#264132 - 08/02/07 07:15 PM Re: feeling alone new to board [Re: 4courage]
yregna Offline
veteran

Registered: 07/25/06
Posts: 1265
Loc: Oregon
4courage,
Let me translate...When a women says the man was controlling, what she means is he wouldn't agree to let her spend money indiscriminately no matter how much money is earned. Right ?
_________________________
"Anything free is worth what you pay for it..." "Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get"

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#264133 - 08/02/07 07:52 PM Re: feeling alone new to board [Re: 4courage]
matart1 Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 09/01/05
Posts: 2798
sometimes you have to ignore comments from yrenga because he has not figured out what he wants to be when he grows up, the other times he actually can say things that are helpfull...

35 years is a long time in a marriage.
your grown sons most likely will not understand as they not only have their own lives but it has been a good bit of years since they have lived in the house (just a guess unless they lived at home a long time..)

have you considered counseling after so many years invested in a marriage like that..??
by invested I mean memories, time and things along those lines. my husband's parents have been married almost 40 years or so and it is almost like seeing 1 person verses 2 if you know what I mean...
_________________________
Life is a long lesson in humility.

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#264134 - 08/02/07 07:54 PM Re: feeling alone new to board [Re: yregna]
4courage Offline
recently joined

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 3
Well, no, he gets about $4,000 a month retirement. I net about 1500. For 20 years I bought my own vehicle. I said if I could have 300 or 400 a month I would be happy to retire also. My job never offered benefits as so many women's jobs don't. controlling means, I don't approve any of your friends (in 35 years) and I don't sleep with you because you snore ( I don't think I'm unatractive but it's all in the beholder I guess). You don't write checks from joint account...but I (he) go on trips, always have a late model pick up trucks, a camper I (he) takes on trips and a new ATV... in my new garage I built after retirement.

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#264135 - 08/02/07 10:14 PM Re: feeling alone new to board [Re: 4courage]
txks1151 Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 03/26/07
Posts: 210
Womens jobs..

What are women's jobs besides Hooters' Girl? Never seen a job that required woman to do it out required one to be a man outside the military, and even here it is a small subset (submarines and special operations).

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#264136 - 08/02/07 11:11 PM Re: feeling alone new to board [Re: matart1]
almostheaven Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 07/14/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
>>>>>the other times he actually can say things that are helpfull...<<<<<

He can????? When?

4courage, I don't think you've listed anything that might not be able to be helped through marital counseling. After a marriage this long, you may find a bigger problem ending the marriage than in trying to salvage it.
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Char Fox

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#264137 - 08/02/07 11:11 PM STFU troll (eom) [Re: yregna]
almostheaven Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 07/14/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
.
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Char Fox

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#264138 - 08/02/07 11:14 PM Re: feeling alone new to board [Re: 4courage]
almostheaven Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 07/14/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
Hon, you need to look into another job. Other than when I worked as a temp, I've ALWAYS had benefits, paid vacations, sick days, health, vision and dental insurance, as well as 401K plans. And I guess you could consider administrative and secretarial work as one of the more commen "women's jobs". Though men do them, men are in short supply in that field.
_________________________
Char Fox

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