icwal - with all due respect, you are missing the legal boat. i'm new to all this too - we are set for our nominal hearing in April after two court dates to resolve TRO. You fel very strongly about what you (and many others) consider moral issues - problem is, the courts don't. Here's my issue: stbx and i always agreed we would fund our children's higher education. One is half way through an expensive private college; the other has aspirations of the same. The way we established our assets, if we simply split 50/50 and stbx chooses to not fund college, it ain't gonna happen. I raised the issue to the judge. PhoenixRising correctly scolded me. The judge said simply, in my state "college is a moral obligation not a legal one - it is not part of this discussion". Basically, my daughter, age 19, is not a factor in any discussion involving me and my stbx. I find that as shocking as you find adultery or smoking pot or any other "moral" issue. It's hard to swallow, but the quicker you do the better off you'll be. I have no idea of your situation other than what i can gleen from these posts, but if you even imply anything negative about your stbx to your kids, you're doing them a disservice. Even the smallest arrow shot will pass through him and pierce your children. My stbx has some serious issues - i refuse to bring them into my discussions with my daughters (the younger of which i currently have temp custody of (not common for a man in my great state)). Besides, i'm not perfect either. You appear clearly in the anger stage. hopefully now that a few weeks have passed since your last post, if you read this, you have gotten a handle on that. best of luck to you...more importantly, to your kids.