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#383653 - 04/27/08 04:15 AM emotionally abusive wife leaves me while pregnant!
tool3rd3y3 Offline
recently joined

Registered: 04/27/08
Posts: 9
This is a very long and horrible story. I know this may take a few moments to get out, but I have to begin the process of talking about this with people because I have been so extremely depressed lately - as well as lost.

I met my wife in March of 2006 in Palm Springs. She had a daughter that was 8 years old at the time, and I really fell in love with the both of them very quickly. The daughter (she told me) was from a previous marriage where the husband left her while pregnant and never sought them out again...I felt sorry for her. I even moved in with my wife for about a few months when we first met, but I had permanent residence in Georgia that I wanted/needed to get back to. My wife offered to move (after only knowing each other for 3 months) to Georgia so that I would not have to be away from my family - since she is estranged from all but 1 of her other family members. I guess I was "caught up" and let her and the daughter move in with me. After only 5-6 more months, I asked her to marry me.

During this period of time, I noticed that my wife was showing more and more signs of being VERY controlling (to the point of creating my 'bedtimes'), and she began to treat me like a child with lectures every day. She was this way to her daughter as well, and I resented her many times for it...I continue to believe that how she treats her daughter is VERY close to psychological/emotional abuse - Her restrictions get outrageous. Well, I began to take more and more from my wife emotionally until I got to a point where I was in tears 4 days a week from her verbal attacks and rants. I don't know how I let my wife talk me into having a child (since I began to have concerns about her mental stability at this point), but she did. She got pregnant very early this year.

We had some minor problems that were usual during her pregnancy, and her accusations and verbal assaults got worse at this point. It got so bad that she asked me to move to my parents' house. I respected her because she said "my anger/stress would KILL the baby." - which of course I was NEVER angry or threatening. Before long, she began to act more and more strange bringing accusations out of nowehere that I knew nothing about. She finally told me to come over one day to talk. It was there that she told me, "I am moving back to Palm Springs to have this baby with or without you...you can't change my mind. If you want part of the child's life, you will have to come as well." Of course my whole life was centered in Georgia, and I even consulted an attorney at this point who made me aware that I had no legal rights to "keep" her in Georgia. So she kept her word and took her daughter while pregnant back across the country to leave me to take care of everything where she had been living...that's a whole other story.

Well, I dropped EVERYTHING and took care of the house where we had previously been living and got to California after a month of wrapping up MANY loose ends. We had agreed to live separately for a short trial period to undergo some marriage counseling until I moved in with her. She found a place for me to live, and that is where I am at now. Well...after I moved here, she would talk to me less in less over a 7-day period (5 conversations to ZERO)...I went 3 days without hearing from her, and I got concerned. She then accused my phone calls as being harrassing her and (again) "KILLING the baby."

At this point, I got a private investigator because I wanted to know more about what happened with her first marriage/daughter...She found an e-mail address that I was using to correspond with him, and she somehow got into it and went crazy with my online accounts. She began to purchase things with my debit card, she created a site for me on reunion.com and stopped ALL communication...She even accessed my online banking site. She is very good with computers, etc...

The next day I got served with papers asking for a "legal separation" and allllllll kinds of money and assets from me. I was so caught off guard that I didn't know what to think. Here I am in a strange place (away from all support - friends and family) and my wife has simply gone from a little abusive to vengeful and crazy. The private investigator concluded that it was HER that left her first husband, and she has never let him get in touch with her...she's changed addresses, etc.. I found no criminal background, but I would like to know more of her childhood which she claims was extrememly abusive.

I am now in Palm Springs and cannot talk to my step-daughter. My wife will not communicate with me. I came allll the way here to be a good father (even during pregnency). I left behind so much, and now she has done this to me...

Does anyone have any suggestions other than simply seeking legal counsel because I have been, and will continue, to do that? I am now a broken man in a strange place worried that my wife will make up some stories about me to try and gain sole custody. I was told by my wife's ex-husband's mother that her son used to complain that he felt "emotionally abused" by her and that he felt she only wanted to get pregnant then leave...There is obviously a trend, and I had no idea that women out there could be so predatory on nice guys like me. I am simply venting, but this is all true, and I know that I need to be divorced from her anyway - she was causing severe emotional distress with me during the late relationship, but I don't know what she will be capable of doing with the baby that is mine...I will NOT have her disappear on me with the child, but I feel it coming. Could that even be possible?

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#383654 - 05/01/08 09:24 PM Re: emotionally abusive wife leaves me while pregnant! [Re: tool3rd3y3]
dontcallmemaam Offline
recently joined

Registered: 04/30/08
Posts: 22
Loc: Southern California
let her go, and go home.
My best friend just went through almost the same situation you are going through and he spent over $30,000 in legal fees just end up with visitation every other weekend. His 6yr old daughter has been poisoned by her mother through all this and doesn't look at him the same anymore and its just been one heartbreak after another for him. Also just because the court orders it this way doesn't mean that it is followed. His ex has not brought her to him on those weekends and he's had to go back to court, which takes weeks to enforce it. This last time that it had happened he decided to let it go because he is now emotional and financially drained by the whole thing.
People like your wife feed on attention and since she has the children she has most of the power to make up false accusations and feed the lies into the children to back them up. Children only know what they see, and if they see that mom is always there for them and taking care of them that's who they will be loyal to.
After all that has happened doesn't it make you wonder why your wifes first child's father really left?
Before you go and spend all kinds of money trying to fight this you need to think about what you're about to go through and if its really worth the fight. Don't get me wrong you do have an obligation to your unborn child but the end result may be the same in court whether you make a big to do about it or not.
I'm not sure what her motive is here but if she's asking for all kinds of money you need to protect yourself. She obviously wasn't after the other guys money if she tried to keep him from finding them.
Is she able to support herself and the children? If she can then there's no reason why she could just disappear, that's why I said don't feed into the drama, let it go, at least you'll know where she's at.
But if you do plan to fight and believe she is harmful to the children, file a report with children services, don't let her do it first. You never ever want to be the respondant in those cases, my friend's life was turned inside out because of false accusations made and it was because she filed first so most of his legal fees were spent toward defending himself.
I don't know if this helped at all but at least it will give you something to think about. Its best that you don't talk to her since she obviously has the power to emotionally destroy you and we tend to do and say stupid things when we're in that state of mind, things that may be used against us later if you know what I mean.
By the way, not all women are like this, I've been married twice have 3 children from those marriages and all of my children have a great relationship with their father and step/father. I never let how they treated me or how much they paid a month to be the basis of when or how long they could see their children. So don't let this discourage you because there are millions and millions of women out there, yes alot may be psycho but you've got to just work on your screening process and for god's sake don't jump into it so soon next time. That knight and shining armor stuff is cool, if it is APPRECIATED, she is clearly not worthy.

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