I go through this nonsense every year. My husband and I are informally separated but married 32 years. I live in one of our houses. He makes about 200,000/year. I make about 20,000. He deposits 4500/month to pay household finances, would like my share of that to be 1500 a month,the rest I guess is his. Anyway, we filed married/jointly. Surprisingly the refund was 20,000. I took half thinking that's how it works in community property and opened an account to invest for my new grandbaby. He stopped depositing then sent me a note that he'll just apply the 20,000 to the monthly amount he would have deposited and would resume in four months. Said he'll have to fix it so there isn't such a big refund. During that time he will be pocketing 36,000 in take home pay and I will get no part of the refund, nothing to invest.
I have no perspective anymore and obviously I lack the the ability to be assertive or objective either practically or ethically. Besides that, our communication is strained. He makes the majority of income, but we filed jointly. Should I let it go? Call it a wash? Is he right? I'd like to see what others would think of this.
I wish I could be stronger and clearer about this but I'm not there yet.