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#508014 - 04/20/09 03:50 PM Just Want To Tell My Horrific - Tragic Story...
speck Offline
recently joined

Registered: 04/20/09
Posts: 3
Loc: Augusta, GA
[b]My beloved family is in shambles. A divorce is imminent...[/b]

My wife (of almost 26 years!) couldn't handle the stress of dealing with our demanding, angry, violent and controlling manic-depressive teenager. My wife's brother had violently killed himself and our son knew this. He used this information to manipulate and control her. And in doing so, he got from her whatever he wanted. Against my wishes, she bought him a car (a Mercedes-Benz) when he was only 15, and had no license to drive - not even a Learner's Permit! She gave him the keys and she let him drive it. She believed that this would pacify him. Soon came threats of beating us up and killing us as all, his sister included. He threatened to shoot us and to burn the place down as we slept. One time, I had to pull him off his sister whom he had choked till she turned blue; I don't know what would have happened had I not been there. He then threatened to beat me up and I told him to go for it, warning him that if he stepped up to me like a man, I would treat him as one. My wife, who had months ago become an emotional wreck, jumped in and said that I better not threaten "her" son; and that if I hit him, she would call the police. I am the biological father and somehow our son had become "her" son. And I had not threatened to hit him, I just told him I would defend myself.. He was choking his sister and I'm not sure he would have stopped, had I not been there to stop him. My daughter was traumatized. I'd had enough and I knew that he had to be put in his place. The situation was completely out of control. And my wife, who so far had refused to allow any punishment (grounding or anything at all), then added and insisted that I was not to discipline "her" son in any way at all. She had lost her mind and now I was dealing with two mentally ill family members;

[b]I had seen this coming too.[/b] Lately, after my son's tantrums, my wife would go into a sort of trance consisting of short periods in which she blanked out or would babble incoherently. I had seen this before, in more of her brothers and sisters than you might believe. Mental illness, depression, schizophrenia, and other related emotional/mental illnesses run in her family. So much so that the Medical College of Georgia had once requested to do a study on the family.

[b]My wife continued to grow more and more distressed,[/b] and then one day, after one of my son's worst tantrums yet, she turned and she yelled at me, "I'm leaving you! I'm going back to my mother and I'm leaving you!" She then ran to the bedroom and cried hysterically. I consoled her, and when she calmed down, she cried again as she told me she didn't mean what she had said. She added that she loved me and would never leave me, stating that she was just upset and didn't know what to do about Nikos, our son.. I knew she was in trouble and I would have suggested that she get help; but I knew my wife, and I knew that she would take it as an insult and that she would not have agreed to it anyway. She's touchy when it comes to mental illness. It took her quite awhile and lots of debates between us for her to even acknowledge that our son had emotional problems. At this point, I thought about calling her mom to see if she could help. I quickly dismissed that idea, however, knowing how her mother hated me.

[b]Unfortunately, this scene soon happened again, and again, and then again, over the next 2-3 months.[/b] Concerned about the emotional damage being caused by his tantrums, I pleaded with my son to stop because if he didn't, then one day, she might just do it. She might actually leave. He seemed to understand and he said that he did not want to break up the family, and promised to tone it down. But the violent tantrums continued, and they worsened, and then one day, after another of his tantrums, she DID leave!.

[b]My wife ran away to her mommy.[/b] Later, when I talked with my wife, she said she blamed me for our son's mental illness. She believed that if I had made more money, our son would have been happy and he would not be mentally ill today. She now looked at me with eyes filled with loathing and hate. Her love was gone. My daughter who knew what had happened because she was there, disagreed with what her mom decided and she has stayed with me ever since.

[b]But this is not the worst of it.[/b] The worst part was yet to come because my wife's mother and some of her (12) siblings have always disliked me, thinking me below them in social status and thus not good enough...they saw this as not an established family in trouble that they should reach out to, but rather as an opportunity to ensure the destruction of our once happy and loving family. Forever. And they now had my fragile, emotional wreck of a wife, as putty in their hands.

[b]Angry and blaming me for our son's mental illness,[/b] and to justify what she had done (and being encouraged and pushed by her family), my wife went on to disparage my character to her family and they gleefully joined in. Somehow my wife neglected to tell them the vital details of what really happened in the events leading up to our breakup. My character was dragged through the mud and I was "judged not good enough" for my wife and the mother of my children; I was never even given a chance to tell them my side of the story. My wife's relatives refuse to speak to me to this day.
-- LESS TALK-MORE WALK “by our actions our faith is made perfect.” James 2:22

#508015 - 10/12/10 09:17 PM Re: Just Want To Tell My Horrific - Tragic Story... [Re: speck]
lovely12007 Offline

recently joined

Registered: 10/12/10
Posts: 7
Wow I'm truly sorry that you are living this disfunctional mess. Find some solace in the fact that you did ALL you could do to save the marriage and to keep your family together. As difficult as it may be, sometimes you have to cut your losses and do what you can to move on. Many parents believe over-indulging our children is the way to gain their LOVE and RESPECT when the exact opposit is true. Under no circumstances should you or any parent live with and deal with a child who is violent and has threatened ANYONE particularly a family member with violence. Where is he now? Hopefully with his mom and her family so they can see first hand his emotional instability and seek help for him before he hurts or is hurt by someone. Prayer helps in many ways. I hope you are able to find peace whatever you decide.


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