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#537319 - 07/30/09 07:54 PM Re: Actually, it is... [Re: Cassie23]
JennyLynn Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 07/14/05
Posts: 31656
LOL - awwwwwe *sniffle*

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#537320 - 07/30/09 08:31 PM Re: Actually, it is... [Re: Cassie23]
Yes_Dad Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 08/23/08
Posts: 7406
[quote]I don't think you are an A-hole at all. Your case is an extreme as in you are a high wage earner, you have had to pay CS and alimony in two different cases. You also did a lot (or all?) of your court hearings pro se. You are not the norm for this site.

I find it a bit refreshing, I would rather see the whole picture than bits and pieces of it. You are a NCP living in IL.

Do you think CS laws should be universal?

---&gt; Abso-f-ing-lutely. I have said it many many times that I think CS/custodyshould be a federal issue rather than one reserved for the states. Let's the states do the divorces but what is good for Ohio is good for Illinois is good for Oregon in terms of the kids. Make non-payment a Federal crime along with visitation interference , etc. I think (as I have said) it should be 50/50 with no support exchanged except if a job prevents it. And then go by Federal guidelines. Don't give me the old cost of living BS (not directed towards you) but the percentages are the same of ones income, regardless of where you live. I think if a judged has ordered visitation, then that's what it is. None of this contempt crap that varies from judge to judge. It is what it is. ALL CS should be garnished from the NCP's paycheck (unless selfemployed obviously. Then it's garnished from the company directly) just as taxes are. But they won't do that because who makes money off of divorces? Lawyers. And what constitutes 90% of all state legislatures? Lawyers. Same on a federal level. And what constitutes a majority of court cases in this country? Divorce. They won't change it because some will eventually leave public service and it takes a HUGE amount of potential earnings from them. "Something to fall back on" so to speak. Even with Cook County (basically Chicago and the collar suburbs) most of the court cases constitute divorces. Far more than any crimminal activity. And you take a county like mine, divorces are 3X the amount of any crimminal or other civil cases. The number #2 court action is OP's. In my county, we have one huge courthouse. I mean, it's BIG. One whole floor is devoted to divorce. The #1 "crime" here is DUI. In Cook, there are 7 courthouses, all smaller..but divorce is still the number #1 court action. The lawyers in the state legislature, if voted out, need jobs and the #1 job is divorces/OP's/DUI defenses. Even places like NYC or Houston or LA..along with Chicago, all crime laden places yet divorce is still the main reason for courtrooms. It's a huge money making MACHINE. One CP has been PM'ing me about her case and she has spent over $100K on her custody issue. Murder defense wouldn't cost that much. And lawyers exasperate the problem but egging on the litigants. My sister is a lawyer. A corporate lawyer and she doesn't make all that much. My brother works at a HUGE Top 5 law [censored] in finance and unless you are a partner, you don't make all that much. They just layed off 80 lawyers. Divorce is where the money is. So these various idiots in state legislature will NEVER give up what would probably end up being their biggest money maker if they are ever voted out. I hope I was making sense.


As far as showing your son the court papers at 23 years old, I see nothing wrong with that. He must've had questions. His mother was telling him for years things that weren't true- things that could change his opinion of you, if he let it.

---&gt; It was my daughter but it came about because we were having a "spat" and she was blurting out things her mother had been telling her all these years and I had had enough. As my transplant didn't go so well, I have NO idea how long I am going to be around and I wanted her to KNOW the truth and not spend the rest of her life thinking her father was a dickhead. I didn't do it out of "revenge", I did it because it was the truth and there were obvious resentments. People tend to block out the bad in their parents (usually) but she was blurting out the most insane things. I guess things came to a head. I asked my brother what to do and he said "She's old enough to realize what the truth was" and while you would like to think that, she didn't. She was deflecting or whatever. And ya, she was pissed at her Mom but she didn't turn on her or anything and I didn't expect her to.


SD still talks about this 'Dear John' letter that her Dad left when he abandoned her and her Mom. SD has no idea that BM was having an affair and it was her Dad that found a letter from this guy.

BM also said she was getting no CS, when she did every time, on time, even earlier if she needed it.

I'm glad that you don't hate your X, but considering what she did- I find her actions inconceivable, and to be honest very evil. [/quote]

----&gt; So do my family and friends. So did ex#2 (until we divorced, then it was OK..LOL) but yes, she was pretty evil financially. Like I said though, she never witheld the kids from me. #2 is actually more evil. Money comes and goes. Kids are kids forever and to be quite honest, I have things to worry about FAR greater than her. Or the other one.

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#537321 - 07/30/09 08:52 PM Re: Actually, it is... [Re: Yes_Dad]
Cassie23 Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 10/07/05
Posts: 14784
I am with you on that whole posting...

I also agree that CS laws should be universal...

Understanding that you have things far greater to worry about than your X's, sometimes I have difficulties getting past the 'past' (that may be a woman thing). However, I would never let my ill feelings work against what is in the best interest of my children. I am able to see, quite clearly, the difference between right and wrong. Even more that, the difference between what are MY issues are and those that can affect my children.

That's why I posted what I did on the SF board:

"Put simply: Imagine that the person who hates you most controls the person you love most?"

That just makes me utterly ill, not even in the sense that the BM in that case would do that, but that our laws as a whole do not PREVENT it from happening. Why not? I think if they did there wouldn't be so many power struggles (where children of divorce are affected) and we would see more parents co-parenting. At least I'd hope---

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#537322 - 07/30/09 09:12 PM Re: Actually, it is... [Re: Cassie23]
Yes_Dad Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 08/23/08
Posts: 7406
[quote]I am with you on that whole posting...

I also agree that CS laws should be universal...

Understanding that you have things far greater to worry about than your X's, sometimes I have difficulties getting past the 'past' (that may be a woman thing). However, I would never let my ill feelings work against what is in the best interest of my children. I am able to see, quite clearly, the difference between right and wrong. Even more that, the difference between what are MY issues are and those that can affect my children.

That's why I posted what I did on the SF board:


"Put simply: Imagine that the person who hates you most controls the person you love most?"

--&gt; That actually struck me hard and I noted it and it's true. I can honestly say there are only three people I hate in this life. Two former business associates and my surgeon. As far as the rest, I either like, am neutral on or dislike but not hate. If you guys knew what I went through with the surgery, you would understand. One of my brothers wives is a total a-hole. Yet, I don't care. If he wants the abuse, it's his life. I have helped a LOT of people in their careers. I have helped a lot of family and friends. I am doing a favor for my brother tonight I prefer not to. The rely on me a lot and I get no thanks and help me very little. But this is important.

That just makes me utterly ill, not even in the sense that the BM in that case would do that, but that our laws as a whole do not PREVENT it from happening. Why not? I think if they did there wouldn't be so many power struggles (where children of divorce are affected) and we would see more parents co-parenting. At least I'd hope--- [/quote]

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#537323 - 07/30/09 09:28 PM Re: Actually, it is... [Re: Yes_Dad]
Cassie23 Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 10/07/05
Posts: 14784
I am doing a favor for my brother tonight I prefer not to. The rely on me a lot and I get no thanks and help me very little. But this is important.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Boy that sorta mirrors my life and my siblings.

Your story on your surgeon and your surgery- I can imagine there must be something crazy behind that. Considering you don't hate your X's, the surgeon must have royally f'ed up. I knew a guy who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Great guy, older than I am...I think I was 30 at the time and he was probably 40. Lived in a small town, small hospital. He was there for weeks and was getting worse by the minute. A few of us finally pulled his wife aside and told her that she needed to take him out of that hospital and to the city. The small local hospital was against it, they told her he would probably die if she did. Once she did, he got better- slowly yet it happened. I really didn't think he was going to make it. He lost so much weight, strength and will at one point. It was heartbreaking.

He is doing very well now.

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#537324 - 07/30/09 10:07 PM Re: Actually, it is... [Re: Cassie23]
Yes_Dad Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 08/23/08
Posts: 7406
Well, condering I was the first in the world to undergo this procedure in the history of the world, and then 3 months ago where the surgeon is out and out lying on his report to cover his ass pisses me beyond belief, in addition to being physically WORSE than pre-transplant. I was used as a lab rat, he and the robot screwed up and he's not only not owning up to it, he is lying outright about it. He needed someone with the balls to do it, and I had them.

You can pretty much guess what my next steps are.

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#537325 - 07/30/09 10:08 PM Re: Actually, it is... [Re: Yes_Dad]
Cassie23 Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 10/07/05
Posts: 14784
Wow. What a pathetic man. I don't think there are words for that.

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#537326 - 07/30/09 10:33 PM Re: Actually, it is... [Re: Cassie23]
Yes_Dad Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 08/23/08
Posts: 7406
Well, the problem is he gets grants from the Fed for this, and had to basically erase me from the results or funding woukd slow

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#537327 - 07/31/09 11:55 AM Re: Actually, it is... [Re: Sherron]
almostheaven Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 07/14/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;No, not a TOTAL one.

ROFLMFAO!!!

&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;I'm sure I rub a few people the wrong way as well. Life goes on.

I stopped worrying about how I rub people. Public board is for speaking your mind. ;)
_________________________
Char Fox

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#537328 - 07/31/09 11:58 AM Re: Actually, it is... [Re: Cassie23]
almostheaven Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 07/14/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
I wish 20 to life meant 20 to life too, and not 5 with good behavior. Doesn't mean I think we should just set all the criminals free because some of them don't get what they deserve.
_________________________
Char Fox

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