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#582216 - 11/27/09 05:32 PM Anyone else scaried of starting over when your 38+
katyy1971 Offline

recently joined

Registered: 11/27/09
Posts: 5
I just recently became seperated from my husband after 10 years together and it ended badly(he cheated on me and left me for her). I AM NOT putting myself back in the dating field yet by any means but the very thought of being alone at my age scares me to death. Yes I had breakups before BUT I was young in my 20s and both my parents were alive for emotional support. In the last 10 yrs both my parents have past away,I'm a only child and I never had any children of my own so I feel so alone. Plus now that i'm older I think if anything health wise happens to me(more likely now that i'm older) who will help me. Most of my friends were spouses of men who worked under my ex so I lost 90% of my friends. I also hear all the time how hard it is to find someone after 35 and that the only men interested in someone in their late 30s are 50+ yr old men looking to hook up with a younger woman. I'm sorry if I sound like i'm just rambling on but this whole breakup with my husband was such a shock and happened so fast. One mouth we were happy plaining our anniversary and 4 weeks later he was gone.

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#582217 - 11/27/09 07:16 PM Re: Anyone else scaried of starting over when your 38+ [Re: katyy1971]
DRose Offline

recently joined

Registered: 11/06/09
Posts: 5
Loc: Eastern PA
I would really not be concerned about finding someone at your age. And to be quite honest, the fact you do not have children of your own will actually make things a lot simpler in the dating world. I had read somewhere, not too long ago, that the age range of most people getting divorced is between 35-45.

I was not quite your age when I got divorced and actually was not even looking for anyone when my now husband came along. However, I had 3 small children that I had to weigh into the mix on if the relationship would work long term. Not only did I have to want this person in my life, but my children did too.

Take your time though and find yourself again first. When you gain that confidence to know that YOU deserve a lot in your life, love will find you.

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#582218 - 11/27/09 08:33 PM Re: Anyone else scaried of starting over when your 38+ [Re: DRose]
katyy1971 Offline

recently joined

Registered: 11/27/09
Posts: 5
Thanks for the words of encouragement I really need them now. Like I said the last time I was "single" I was in my 20s and all my friends were single and no worries. Now it seems everyone I know my age is married with kids and I really feel like i'm out of the loop to say.

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#582219 - 11/28/09 01:28 AM Re: Anyone else scaried of starting over when your 38+ [Re: katyy1971]
hessie30 Offline

recently joined

Registered: 11/14/09
Posts: 15
I just divorced my husband of 18 yrs. and I will be 37 in 1 month with a 15 yr. old son. I am not scared by am very cautious about other men and their intentions. I'm not on the lookout for somebody, I think that will happen when it's supposed to happen. If I'm always looking for it I may miss when it really happens <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Do what feels OK to you and you will be fine. Seek out what makes YOU happy!! There are alot of singles out there, the last time I was single was 18 yrs. old!! INSANE to get married that soon. Glad it's over and I now have freedom to frow into the person I was meant to be <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Keep your head up and focused on your goals!!

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#582220 - 12/03/09 12:50 AM Re: Anyone else scaried of starting over when your 38+ [Re: hessie30]
ZARDOZ Offline

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Registered: 12/03/09
Posts: 8
Starting over at 38+? You're fortunate. Try "starting over" at 54 and raising two pre-teens alone.

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#582221 - 12/03/09 01:39 AM Re: Anyone else scaried of starting over when your 38+ [Re: ZARDOZ]
AloneInTheDark Offline

member

Registered: 08/04/09
Posts: 179
As a man still in the divorce process thats 41 and dumped because she wants to find out what she missed being with only me for 18 years, I know that fear too. Her looking for greener pastures makes me wonder if I should find someone else at they going to do the same when they think they can get money from the marriage and then there be more kids of mine in the world that I cant be a dad too anymore?

Its worse when your lawyer tells you to watch out because there are a lot of good looking women (usually with kids and I do like kids) out there who are looking for someone like me who is decent looking, has a steady job and decent income (if it wasnt for the marriage/lawyer debt) who would love to take advantage of me. Not having dated for 18+ years, I am too much out of the "game" to not get burnt if I trust people in women like I tend to now and don't go at it like they are all out to hurt me again.
_________________________
AloneInTheDark but life goes even without being a Dad any more.

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#582222 - 12/03/09 03:53 AM Re: Anyone else scaried of starting over when your 38+ [Re: AloneInTheDark]
Sherron Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 11/25/06
Posts: 20729
"Its worse when your lawyer tells you to watch out because there are a lot of good looking women (usually with kids and I do like kids) out there who are looking for someone like me who is decent looking, has a steady job and decent income (if it wasnt for the marriage/lawyer debt) who would love to take advantage of me."
Well, then go for an ugly woman with kids, problem solved. Did your lawyer also tell you about pre-nups?

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#582223 - 12/03/09 07:41 PM Re: Anyone else scaried of starting over when your 38+ [Re: Sherron]
AloneInTheDark Offline

member

Registered: 08/04/09
Posts: 179
Lol, no, he said don't get married or an expensive girl friend. lol
_________________________
AloneInTheDark but life goes even without being a Dad any more.

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#582224 - 12/06/09 12:40 AM Re: Anyone else scaried of starting over when your 38+ [Re: Sherron]
timbuktu Offline

journeyman

Registered: 09/26/09
Posts: 77
I was married to a good looking man for 15 years..started over at 47 and started dating a pretty average looking guy.

Looks aren't everything.

Put it this way..he was nothing to look at..but we clicked like crazy...had tons in common..laughed a lot..he was always telling me how lucky he was to have met such a beautiful sweet woman that treated him well..was trustworthy, honest, etc...and what happens? He goes back to his 300# wife!!

I give up!!

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#582225 - 12/06/09 08:35 PM Re: Anyone else scaried of starting over when your 38+ [Re: katyy1971]
toserve Offline

recently joined

Registered: 12/06/09
Posts: 2
You have to know that you are not old and see this as liberation. It is always hard to leave someone that you have been with for a long time, but just know that everything in life happens for a reason. Whether its for a lesson, heartache, or happiness it is all happening and it is up to you how you handle this. Happiness is a choice. Move on and be happy. He is not worth you going through pain. don't give him the satisfaction!

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#582226 - 12/08/09 05:04 PM 38?... [Re: katyy1971]
almostheaven Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 07/14/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
I'm 44 years young. You're never TOO old. That's all a state of mind. My grandma passed away and at 88, grandpa started dating again. But at his age, he figured he didn't have a lot of time to wait around for it. At 38, you have plenty of time, don't rush dating. And remember that what you "hear" ain't always what it's cracked up to be. With the divorce rate out there, there's just as many single middle aged men as there are women.
_________________________
Char Fox

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#582227 - 12/10/09 03:02 AM Re: Anyone else scaried of starting over when your 38+ [Re: toserve]
dixiebull Offline

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Registered: 12/10/09
Posts: 1
Loc: South Ms
I am 39 in Jan. and I have been seperated from my soon to be ex-wife since March. It is my experience that you are as young as you feel. When the break up came. I (AS MOST) crashed from loss of appitite. I lost a good bit of weight.
AND even though I am now pushing 39, I feel 21-30 Most of the time. But, most the important thing that you need to do, IS love who you are. Don't jump into it and then you should be ready to start over. But the clubbing thing is not for most. Take it easy.

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#582228 - 12/20/09 05:55 PM Re: Anyone else scaried of starting over when your 38+ [Re: dixiebull]
Roxy1 Offline

recently joined

Registered: 12/20/09
Posts: 1
I am recently seperated and am 50 years old. I just feel like I'm numb. I don't want to be alone, but had to get out of a very abusive marriage...so I chose the lesser of two evils. Everyone says to take my time, to find myself, that if it's meant to be, someone will find me...I just don't know how to do this...How do I find myself? I work full-time, but have become a recluse on the weekends. I just can't make myself get out and pretend to enjoy myself when I'm hurting inside. I'm getting pretty depressed, I'm losing weight, I feel very alone...I just can't picture myself dating again. I can't even imagine being with someone else. I've been with my husband since I was 17 years old. But the one thing I am holding on to is that I had to love myself enough to get out of an abusive, toxic relationship that was destroying me. I guess I chose the lesser of two evils. I hope that I can get back into life again someday. I feel really hopeless right now. I admire all of you out there who seem to have the courage that I can't find right now. I always thought that the worst thing that could ever happen to me would be to grow old alone, and now I'm facing that exact scenario. I've only been separated for two months, but it seems like a lot longer. My days are all the same. I go to work, I come home, I close myself up in my house and avoid the world. I know I'm only hurting myself, but I just can't make myself do anything...I can't accept invitations from my friends, I can't go to family functions, I just sit here and continue to be sad. Maybe someone could offer some suggestions on how to get my life back again. My husband was my life, and now he's gone. I wonder if I'll ever have a good life again. Any suggestions would be appreciated. I just want to be happy someday. The sooner the better. Sometimes I feel like life isn't even worth living anymore. I am glad to have found this site. Thank you for listening. I admire each and every one of you. You all seem to have it together...I wish I could find that strength in myself. I just feel dead inside. How long does it take for that feeling to go away? The holidays are really bringing me down...I lost my mom 3 years ago, and my dad just last year, and miss them so much...I am so alone even though I have very good friends who try to encourage me. But they have families, husbands, and even the ones who are going through divorces themselves seem to be in a better place than I am. Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I am going nowhere. I don't want to spend the rest of my life like this. Can anyone help me?

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