I am recently seperated and am 50 years old. I just feel like I'm numb. I don't want to be alone, but had to get out of a very abusive marriage...so I chose the lesser of two evils. Everyone says to take my time, to find myself, that if it's meant to be, someone will find me...I just don't know how to do this...How do I find myself? I work full-time, but have become a recluse on the weekends. I just can't make myself get out and pretend to enjoy myself when I'm hurting inside. I'm getting pretty depressed, I'm losing weight, I feel very alone...I just can't picture myself dating again. I can't even imagine being with someone else. I've been with my husband since I was 17 years old. But the one thing I am holding on to is that I had to love myself enough to get out of an abusive, toxic relationship that was destroying me. I guess I chose the lesser of two evils. I hope that I can get back into life again someday. I feel really hopeless right now. I admire all of you out there who seem to have the courage that I can't find right now. I always thought that the worst thing that could ever happen to me would be to grow old alone, and now I'm facing that exact scenario. I've only been separated for two months, but it seems like a lot longer. My days are all the same. I go to work, I come home, I close myself up in my house and avoid the world. I know I'm only hurting myself, but I just can't make myself do anything...I can't accept invitations from my friends, I can't go to family functions, I just sit here and continue to be sad. Maybe someone could offer some suggestions on how to get my life back again. My husband was my life, and now he's gone. I wonder if I'll ever have a good life again. Any suggestions would be appreciated. I just want to be happy someday. The sooner the better. Sometimes I feel like life isn't even worth living anymore. I am glad to have found this site. Thank you for listening. I admire each and every one of you. You all seem to have it together...I wish I could find that strength in myself. I just feel dead inside. How long does it take for that feeling to go away? The holidays are really bringing me down...I lost my mom 3 years ago, and my dad just last year, and miss them so much...I am so alone even though I have very good friends who try to encourage me. But they have families, husbands, and even the ones who are going through divorces themselves seem to be in a better place than I am. Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I am going nowhere. I don't want to spend the rest of my life like this. Can anyone help me?