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#606709 - 02/08/10 10:12 PM Re: Bonus payout [Re: JennyLynn]
Sherron Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 11/25/06
Posts: 20729
"In MY world? His dad is basically a NOTHING. I don't mean that hatefully, it's just the way it is. DS sees him a few days a month. Other than that? He doesn't hear from him. "

Last time ds10 saw his dad was September of last year. If ds doesn't call him, there is no contact. Despite all that, ds idolizes his dad... he's definitely not a "nothing" to him, and he would be tickled pink to see him "a few days a month".

"But I wouldn't be able to FORCE his dad to step up and do more...and at the rate he's at now? I don't WANT him to, other than financially. Why? Because it's been this way for 5 years, and I don't expect it to change."

You seriously don't "WANT him to" step up? No offense, but I find that sad. A child needs both their bio parents. MY ex is about as flawed as they come, but I know ds10's life would be happier if his dad was in it on a consistent basis.

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#606710 - 02/08/10 10:13 PM Re: Bonus payout [Re: Sherron]
Sherron Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 11/25/06
Posts: 20729
Nice side-stepping of my question, Gal.

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#606711 - 02/08/10 10:14 PM Re: Bonus payout [Re: Avaya]
1966Gal Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 04/04/08
Posts: 10103
But the fact is, circumstances change. One might be perfectly capable of 'moving on' and having more kids with money to spare after supporting all of the children. Then boom......something happens that hinders that. You cannot account for every 'what if' in life.
++++++

Agreed. But apples/oranges. I'm talking about a low-wage earner who is already struggling to get by. He marries a woman with a child and then has another child with her...and she does not work. He's added 3 more mouths to feed, which further limits his resources for his first set of kids. To me, that is selfish and wrong. He put his own desires above his ability to even support his existing children minimally.
_________________________
The Gov cannot give anything to anyone - that they have not first taken away from someone else.

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#606712 - 02/08/10 10:14 PM Re: Bonus payout [Re: Sherron]
JennyLynn Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 07/14/05
Posts: 31656
"In MY world? His dad is basically a NOTHING. I don't mean that hatefully, it's just the way it is. DS sees him a few days a month. Other than that? He doesn't hear from him. "

Last time ds10 saw his dad was September of last year. If ds doesn't call him, there is no contact. Despite all that, ds idolizes his dad... he's definitely not a "nothing" to him, and he would be tickled pink to see him "a few days a month".

--I realize how that sounded. No, he's not a NOTHING to my son. And the only "thing" he is to ME, is my son's dad. Nothing more, nothing less. My son adores his father. My son also adores chocolate. Doesn't mean he needs to eat it every day.

"But I wouldn't be able to FORCE his dad to step up and do more...and at the rate he's at now? I don't WANT him to, other than financially. Why? Because it's been this way for 5 years, and I don't expect it to change."

You seriously don't "WANT him to" step up? No offense, but I find that sad. A child needs both their bio parents. MY ex is about as flawed as they come, but I know ds10's life would be happier if his dad was in it on a consistent basis.

--I have absolutely realized that kids don't need both parents to be there for them 100%. Would that be ideal? Absolutely. But my son's life would not be any better if his dad were around more. In fact, I have no doubt it would be worse. I know that doesn't sound ideal - and it isn't. But it is what it is. And that's life.

I can't live my life based on the hope that my son's father would be a different man. So no, I don't wish that he would step up. I wasted too many years doing so.

(And ETA - no offense taken, I think it's sad as well)


Edited by JennyLynn (02/08/10 10:18 PM)

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#606713 - 02/08/10 10:19 PM Re: Bonus payout [Re: JennyLynn]
1966Gal Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 04/04/08
Posts: 10103
I can't live my life based on the hope that my son's father would be a different man.
+++++++
And in MY perfect world of new divorce laws, parents like your ex would have 2 choices. #1, take 50/50 custody OR lose all custody and hand over 50% of his paycheck to the person he is literally dumping his parenting responsibilities on...and spend some time in jail for child neglect.

You start putting laws like that in place and you'll see parents "figuring out" their priorities.

Just like income taxes...no one would pay if there weren't obsecenly stiff penalities for not paying. I think you would see lots of moms and dads "stepping up" if our courts didn't make it so easy not to.
_________________________
The Gov cannot give anything to anyone - that they have not first taken away from someone else.

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#606714 - 02/08/10 10:21 PM Re: Bonus payout [Re: 1966Gal]
JennyLynn Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 07/14/05
Posts: 31656
&lt;&lt;And in MY perfect world of new divorce laws, parents like your ex would have 2 choices. #1, take 50/50 custody OR lose all custody and hand over 50% of his paycheck to the person he is literally dumping his parenting responsibilities on...and spend some time in jail for child neglect.&gt;&gt;

But see - I also wouldn't be for that Susan. I wouldn't give my son's father the choice of 50/50 or NOTHING.

And I don't think all parents should be given those 2 choices (and only those 2 choices) either. Just b/c one doesn't have 50/50 doesn't make them a bad parent.


Edited by JennyLynn (02/08/10 10:21 PM)

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#606715 - 02/08/10 10:23 PM Re: Bonus payout [Re: 1966Gal]
Sherron Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 11/25/06
Posts: 20729
"My son adores his father. "
Thanks for clarifying, jl.

"I have absolutely realized that kids don't need both parents to be there for them 100%."
The stats don't lie. Hopefully, your ds will be an outlier, but there is plenty of evidence that states otherwise.

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#606716 - 02/08/10 10:25 PM Re: Bonus payout [Re: Sherron]
JennyLynn Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 07/14/05
Posts: 31656
"I have absolutely realized that kids don't need both parents to be there for them 100%."
The stats don't lie. Hopefully, your ds will be an outlier, but there is plenty of evidence that states otherwise.

--And statistics are just that - statistics. I refuse to believe my son will have a worse life b/c his father chooses not to be a constant in it. As his mother and the person solely responsible for him, I will do everything in my power to be sure my son isn't one of those statistics. If his father weren't the person he is? I would absolutely 100% agree with you.


Edited by JennyLynn (02/08/10 10:26 PM)

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#606717 - 02/08/10 10:25 PM Re: Bonus payout [Re: JennyLynn]
1966Gal Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 04/04/08
Posts: 10103
But see - I also wouldn't be for that Susan. I wouldn't give my son's father the choice of 50/50 or NOTHING.

And I don't think all parents should be given those 2 choices (and only those 2 choices) either. Just b/c one doesn't have 50/50 doesn't make them a bad parent.
+++++++

Parents should get 50/50 or nothing. If they choose nothing, then it's up to the CP how much time the NCP will get with the kids. BUT the kids and the CP are no longer held to the WHIM of the NCP, if and when he/she decides to see the kids.

If they don't want 50/50, fine. Hand over 50% of your pay for CP and cover your share of the parenting costs. And CP will let NCP know when it's convienent for the children to see them, NOT the other way around. Again, no child should have to sit at teh window wondering if their parent is going to show up this time. NO CP should have to plan their time around an NCP who may or may now show up this time.
_________________________
The Gov cannot give anything to anyone - that they have not first taken away from someone else.

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#606718 - 02/08/10 10:26 PM Re: Bonus payout [Re: Sherron]
Sherron Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 11/25/06
Posts: 20729
"And in MY perfect world of new divorce laws, parents like your ex would have 2 choices. #1, take 50/50 custody OR lose all custody and hand over 50% of his paycheck to the person he is literally dumping his parenting responsibilities on...and spend some time in jail for child neglect."

How would that work with the father of your children? You know, the one who is off on business trips to further his career? Would you put him in jail for child neglect, since he's not willing to make 50/50 work?

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