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#606699 - 02/08/10 09:24 PM Re: Bonus payout [Re: Sherron]
1966Gal Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 04/04/08
Posts: 10103
You could still make 2 houses work. After all, the house would be empty when one parent exercises their time with the kids, and the other parent could stay there for the week until the next switch.
+++++++

Yes, it could absolutely work as long as the kid's best interest was your #1 priority. But we are all too selfish for that. We'd never really put our kids first, would we. Our money, our homes, our right to "move on", our own comfort, all more important to us than our kids??
_________________________
The Gov cannot give anything to anyone - that they have not first taken away from someone else.

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#606700 - 02/08/10 09:30 PM Re: Bonus payout [Re: 1966Gal]
JennyLynn Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 07/14/05
Posts: 31656
&lt;&lt;Our money, our homes, our right to "move on", our own comfort, all more important to us than our kids?? &gt;&gt;

UGH. This is complete bullsh*t Susan.

It would NOT be in my son's best interest if his dad and I shared a home. It would NOT work. It would NOT work if we had 50/50, b/c I would never FORCE him to see his son more. Sorry, but not everyone's life and situation fits into your perfect little alternate reality.

And by saying THAT?? YOU are insinuating that I am NOT putting my child first b/c I am NOT living in your jacked up view of what a pretty little divorced family should look like.

Sorry, but this just irritates me. It's stupid. It wouldn't work for everyone.

(I still love ya, but I soooo disagree with you on this - and I'm cramping like hell, so pardon my crabiness :))


Edited by JennyLynn (02/08/10 09:31 PM)

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#606701 - 02/08/10 09:37 PM Re: Bonus payout [Re: JennyLynn]
gr8Dad Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/07/04
Posts: 31800
The REALLY funy thing is that her HUSBAND can't hang a deer head on the wall, but she is claiming she would have NO problem with SHARING a house, decorations and all, with her EX HUSBAND.

So, day 1 &amp; 2 would be spent changing the sheets and cleaning the house, days 3 and 4 would be making the house "yours" again, and 5 and 6 would be spent packing.

Yep, LOTS more time with the kids, huh?
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...

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#606702 - 02/08/10 09:43 PM Re: Bonus payout [Re: JennyLynn]
1966Gal Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 04/04/08
Posts: 10103
I'm not saying YOU, Jenny. I'm saying ALL OF US. Some people call the Jeff's wife "greedy." Why? Because she gets a nice amount of CS...an amount good enough to offer her kids a much better lifestyle than a salary of $45k could afford?

But Jeff is not greedy for wanting his kids to have a better lifestyle 50% of the time...over what? MONEY.

If we are going to throw around the word "greedy" it's a two-way street. We are all greedy in the world.

I look at one posters H who has 3 kids and he makes very little money. Then he married a woman with a child and has another child, and now can hardly afford to support his "first" kids at all. His desire to "move on" has come before his desire to be able to fully support his first set of kids.

I think when you get married and have a child with someone, you should be "on board" with that person, financially and physically until the kids are grown. And you DON'T "move on" if it means you can't be there for the kids who are already here and still need you in every way.

Too many people are putting themselves first, "moving on" even if it means taking away from the kids you already have. It's wrong. It's greedy. It's selfish.
_________________________
The Gov cannot give anything to anyone - that they have not first taken away from someone else.

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#606703 - 02/08/10 09:49 PM Re: Bonus payout [Re: 1966Gal]
Sherron Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 11/25/06
Posts: 20729
"But we are all too selfish for that. We'd never really put our kids first, would we. Our money, our homes, our right to "move on", our own comfort, all more important to us than our kids??"

Scuse me... I haven't been on a date in [email protected] near 10 years... you, however, have remarried. According to YOUR ideology, which one of us is putting our kids first, and which one of us is the selfish one?

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#606704 - 02/08/10 09:57 PM Re: Bonus payout [Re: 1966Gal]
JennyLynn Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 07/14/05
Posts: 31656
I'm not saying YOU, Jenny. I'm saying ALL OF US. Some people call the Jeff's wife "greedy." Why? Because she gets a nice amount of CS...an amount good enough to offer her kids a much better lifestyle than a salary of $45k could afford?

--Yes, in a perfect world - all of us could have 50/50 with our X's and share a home and everything would be daisies and roses. But the fact is - it's NOT a perfect world. That is NOT going to happen.

I think when you get married and have a child with someone, you should be "on board" with that person, financially and physically until the kids are grown. And you DON'T "move on" if it means you can't be there for the kids who are already here and still need you in every way.

--True, and then accidents happen. My situation is a prime example. I was 23, had most of my education behind me, but was unwilling to abort, and I wasn't going to give up my son, b/c I knew I could make a good life for him. Obviously the marriage to his father didn't work out. The fact that his father and I are divorced doesn't mean my son isn't on the VERY TOP of my priority list. Because I am getting remarried and will have another child one day, doesn't mean my son isn't being put first. In MY world? His dad is basically a NOTHING. I don't mean that hatefully, it's just the way it is. DS sees him a few days a month. Other than that? He doesn't hear from him. Why should I NOT move on with my life and remarry and have another child with my fiance? How is that NOT putting my son first? Sure, I could have a better life for my son if XH was paying what he owed - but, I will ALWAYS provide for my son whether or not his father ever does. I honestly can't imagine what more he NEEDS. Does that mean he doesn't need his father's CS? No, b/c if I were receiving the CS he is obligated to pay, less would come out of my SO's pocket, and more would go from his pocket to a new child. We make it OK, we don't have a lot of debt, we have savings, and we make a decent amount for where we live. We're careful with our money, and don't have to live paycheck to paycheck. But if we didn't have SO's income? DS's life would be MUCH different. But I wouldn't be able to FORCE his dad to step up and do more...and at the rate he's at now? I don't WANT him to, other than financially. Why? Because it's been this way for 5 years, and I don't expect it to change.

So while obviously I'm not remarrying b/c of my son, I can definitely say my son would have much less if SO were not in our lives. Most likely? I wouldn't be able to afford my own place, on top of medical, daycare, and everything else. DS wouldn't have a constant male figure in his life (not saying children who don't are in a bad place by any means). Just stating what my son gets out of my marriage, pointing out it isn't all negative.

OK, got on a rant there...sorry...irritated w/ X as of late :).

My point being - my son will be provided for with or without the help from his father. *I* have learned - especially lately, that I CANNOT force my son's father to be there. I wouldn't WANT him to be forced to have 50/50 visitation. Some parents simply DON'T want it. Some people simply AREN'T emotionally mature enough to be the type of parent a child deserves. Sure, you could say it's my fault fo rmarrying him, for getting pregnant, for not giving my son up for adoption, etc. But, life is what it is - what it is NOW. No one can turn back time, we can only deal with the cards we are dealt.

Too many people are putting themselves first, "moving on" even if it means taking away from the kids you already have. It's wrong. It's greedy. It's selfish.

--Yes, too many people do put themselves first. I just don't think remarrying and having a previous child has to be negative. It isn't in many cases. One can be selfish and greedy and not put their child first without remarrying. That isn't what makes a person who they are.


Edited by JennyLynn (02/08/10 10:00 PM)

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#606705 - 02/08/10 10:05 PM Re: Bonus payout [Re: Sherron]
1966Gal Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 04/04/08
Posts: 10103
Scuse me... I haven't been on a date in [email protected] near 10 years... you, however, have remarried. According to YOUR ideology, which one of us is putting our kids first, and which one of us is the selfish one?

++++++

We are all greedy. We are all selfish. I'm getting tired of seeing the lower wage earner, who receives a nice amount of CS being called greedy, while the higher wage earner is not greedy.

ESPECIALLY in a 50/50 situation. I think in a 50/50 custody split, there should also be a 50/50 income split so the kids have have a consistent life no matter where they are each week.

Jeff's ex is working full-time. I assume she's making as much as she's capapble of making. With his current CS and bonus payout, her income is still slightly less than his, but in the same ball-park. Both parents working to their full ability. Both parents raising the kids equally. Both parents paying for the kids clothes, etc.. equally. Income is roughly equal. Sounds ideal to me FOR THE KIDS.
_________________________
The Gov cannot give anything to anyone - that they have not first taken away from someone else.

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#606706 - 02/08/10 10:08 PM Re: Bonus payout [Re: 1966Gal]
Avaya Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 02/09/06
Posts: 9850
Loc: Arkansas
But the fact is, circumstances change. One might be perfectly capable of 'moving on' and having more kids with money to spare after supporting all of the children. Then boom......something happens that hinders that. You cannot account for every 'what if' in life.
_________________________
Eternity is too long to be wrong.

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#606707 - 02/08/10 10:09 PM Re: Bonus payout [Re: Avaya]
JennyLynn Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 07/14/05
Posts: 31656
&lt;&lt;You cannot account for every 'what if' in life. &gt;&gt;

Nor can you expect every "what if" to happen. I choose not to live my life based on the worst possible scenarios.


Edited by JennyLynn (02/08/10 10:12 PM)

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#606708 - 02/08/10 10:10 PM Re: Bonus payout [Re: Sherron]
JennyLynn Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 07/14/05
Posts: 31656
Good point Sherron.

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