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#655658 - 08/09/10 11:59 AM Not possible or legal... [Re: brendam77]
almostheaven Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 07/14/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
The kids WILL show up on paper. He IS the father whether on the BC or not. You're "married". That makes him the father legally and since children are born of the marriage, the courts will decide that they show up on the paperwork. Have to. Otherwise, neither of you have any more rights than the other to the kids.
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#655659 - 08/09/10 12:02 PM Clarify this... [Re: brendam77]
almostheaven Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 07/14/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
You say he didn't "adopt" and you say he didn't want "put on the bc". Were the kids born into the marriage? If so, he's the father. Doesn't have to adopt. If not, then no, he has no rights to the kids. But everything you're saying about child support and custody battles...sounds to me like he's really their dad, whether on the BC or not. And he's automatically dad...whether on the BC or not.
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#655660 - 08/09/10 03:06 PM Re: Clarify this... [Re: almostheaven]
brendam77 Offline

recently joined

Registered: 08/08/10
Posts: 17
The children are older than the marriage. He is on paper as stepfather.. He doesn't want to take care of the kids anyway. He comes up with every reason for why he can't handle the kids on his own..
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#655661 - 08/09/10 03:16 PM Re: I need to talk to someone This is scary.. [Re: Wagntail]
brendam77 Offline

recently joined

Registered: 08/08/10
Posts: 17
Well wag. I talked to a lawyer a year ago. For a $35 consult. i told him everything He told me everything. I broke down cried in the office. Of course there were tissues there
(. And this is before things got so bad that the kids heard him call them mfs. I can't get the look on their faces out of my mind when that happened)
I went to pull out my checkbook and he said " don't worry about the fee". I don't know if he thought I was gonna follow through or was wasting his time. Why waive the fee?
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#655662 - 08/10/10 07:24 AM Re: I need to talk to someone This is scary.. [Re: brendam77]
Wagntail Offline

newbie

Registered: 06/16/10
Posts: 39
Loc: Oregon
Is he the biological father of either child? If so, what AlmostHeaven said is true, and you can't move the kids more than 60 miles, for now. I think you need to get them and yourself out of that environment. Can you get access to half your savings? If so, do it now and do it fast. Put it into an account under your name only. That should cover your immediate needs and the cost of a lawyer. Find a place and get into it before school starts. It seems to me that you know this is what you need to do, but it's a hard jump to make. Do it now, do it quickly, and don't break any laws.
You need to file divorce papers ASAP, and get in that motion for pre-trial support. If he's BF to either child, get pre-trial CS started as well.
Don't expect this to be amicable. I know that's how you wish it to be, but I think you're dreaming. How long were you married and/or cohabitating? You're entitled to 1/2 the value of all assets, including retirement and home equity, and support for basically half as long as you were married for. Get it. You'll need everything you can get to start your new life. Your children deserve it, and you do, too. Don't even feel guilty or mean about taking what you are entitled to. It's business, lady. You need to look out for your children and yourself.

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#655663 - 08/11/10 05:06 PM Re: I need to talk to someone This is scary.. [Re: brendam77]
msycle Offline

recently joined

Registered: 08/11/10
Posts: 24
The best thing you can do is join a local divorce group. I am a father and joined one 6 months after my divorce. I could of kicked myself for not doing it sooner. I would not have had all the attorney problems if I would have done it sooner. also everyone will greet you with open arms. this is a very tramatic experience so you need support. hope I can be of some help. God Bless!

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#655664 - 08/11/10 09:24 PM Re: I need to talk to someone This is scary.. [Re: Wagntail]
brendam77 Offline

recently joined

Registered: 08/08/10
Posts: 17
it just got scarier . He said kids start school on monday and I told him I didnt want them to go to school here. i wanted to take them to a "safe zone" he is very angry, accusing me of planning things and not talking to him about it. i told him I have been scared to talk to him. there was never a right time where things havent been irrational lately. he threatened in a lot of ways such as quitting job stop paying on car, disconnecting my phone. i told him I dont want the kids here with hostile tension and i did want to talk before going to the lawyer. now, i dont know why, i dont feel safe. he is on his way home and we have to continue this discussion. i dont have a place for my kids to go so they dont have to witness or hear this. its going to get irrational. i can already tell with all he is threatening. I didnt threaten anything. i just said, why do you think women go through lawyers to take care of this, he said, cause their [censored]..I said, maybe its fear, like the fear I am feeling now. They are scared just like I am now. I feel intimidated scared and no safe place I want to leave now and file later..
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#655665 - 08/13/10 06:00 PM Re: I need to talk to someone This is scary.. [Re: brendam77]
brendam77 Offline

recently joined

Registered: 08/08/10
Posts: 17
Things are calm. We have to cease and desist everything right now. Bad timing but my kids bdays are on Saturday and Sunday. No fighting right now but I need to put kids in school Monday and go back to plan separation ahead..ironically our 7 year anniversary is next week, also
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#655666 - 08/17/10 06:09 PM Re: I need to talk to someone This is scary.. [Re: brendam77]
brendam77 Offline

recently joined

Registered: 08/08/10
Posts: 17
kids are back in school. I have to pick up on physical therapy and work through some of this before i can take any more steps. he made a scene on the kids bday yelling at all of us as they were about to open presents because we interrupted his tv..which could be paused. me and the kids just took the opening presents and cards into the bedroom, safe zone, alone. I videoed it. a few hours later he wanted to sit down and talk reasonably about me leaving and helping. i dont know if what he did with the kids bday hit him, but he stopped throwing threats, I told him it was Seans Bday and I didnt want to talk about it that day. I think he actually did his research. he offered me the savings account to leave and start over. i havent said yes. he really knows now that the 25% is a possibilility and really wants to know if I am planning on hiring on a lawyer and when I am leaving. He wants to know if we can work out all the conditions ourselves. present our own case. i told him maybe, but if it gets irrational or unfair, then I am retaining. he says me and the kids can live here as long as we need to and he isnt kicking us out, but he doesnt want to go through lawyers. I told him whether we did with lawyers or not, we would need a mediator. something tells me to get the lawyer, but now he is trying to be amicable. im not after half his retirement, income, va, etc. I am just asking for a little security. I havent made progress with anything, from stomach flu to insomnia, I couldnt even manage packing a suitcase right now. I think he is over the shock though and i told him there arent going to be any surprises. he isnt going to come home one day and find us all gone, that we will plan what is best for everyone. kids being in school, cps cant come for me for not putting them in.and I dont have to worry about having the kids to school in another state by the 24th. I did tell the school I am separated and there is no way i can pay the tuition book fee when I dont even think we will be here a few months.. now, i need to figure out the next step.
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My Mission..To Love, Live, and Laugh for a Lifetime..

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#655667 - 08/18/10 05:27 PM ARE YOU FOND IN RELOCATING YOURSELF ABROAD? *DELETED* [Re: Wagntail]
mollotutto Offline

recently joined

Registered: 08/18/10
Posts: 1
Post deleted by dsAdmin

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