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#710663 - 04/08/11 10:33 PM help help help me
heartbrokenwife Offline

recently joined

Registered: 04/08/11
Posts: 1
28, married for 8 years with two kids. We agreed to an open marriage after a few things happened... he switched from AF to Army.. Moved to Fayetteville for special forces selection.. we couldnt move up there till he passed that, during the wait before the selection he cheated on me for 2 months with a girl, i found out was upset but it made me mad, but i forgave him, we moved out to nc with him but he wasnt making me happy, he was distant, unloving, not mean but just not there, i ended up cheating on him when he went away for school, he found out , tortured me with months of interegation like questions, he went from i dont care u can go out with your friends any time to basically a jail warden, i was not aloud to do ANYTHING unless i begged and pleaded, finally i found that going to a gay club made him feel better, then he suggested i date girls to make up for his lack of emotion... i did this and it helped , i had my husband and i had girls to give me emotional support. Then i felt guilty and knew in his job feild they cheating, plain and simple THEY CHEAT, we have been doing the open marriage.. ME ONLY WITH GIRLS but he can be with girls, it was fine, it was just wam bam thank you mam, no going back again just sex for him.. i felt like this was ok because he only did it when he was deployed and unlike the other wives I Knew about it, and yes ladies EVERY SPECIAL FORCES GUYS CHEATS!!!! THIS IS A FACT TOLD TO ME BY MY HUSBAND, great guys at home, faithfull go nuts when deployed.. hookers, girls they meet at bars, Free for all basically.. so if yours says they are not THEY ARE LYING! well basically i just diddnt feel any connection with him anymore, it became the girl at the time i was talking to satisfied all my needs and he just sat and watched tv and played his games, i tried and then developed a problem with sex.. it hurt to have sex with him, he became upset and thought maybe i just liked girls now , i told him that wasnt the case but sex became scary.. i knew it would hurt, that put even bigger gap with us and then i just got tired of being married to a man that i diddnt feel i knew anymore so i left... we were gonna take turns living at the house till he found a place to stay but when it was my turn to leave him with the house he pretty much locked the doors and said since i was leaving he should be at the house, i was a housewife, never worked, never went to college, i was there while he furthered his career and i sat in the back watching my life slip away, i was to get a job, i needed 3 months as a waitress to be able to prove income to get a place and then i would get my kids, he started dating another girl, she practically LIVED in my house. he then talked about getting full custody when i was in my second month, he was an [censored] to me. Everything began to fall apart for me, i wrecked my car, totaled, i had no way to get to work, no way to get another vehicle because we technically still had 2 and no way to get to work.He was so angry at me with this seperation because his team kicked him off because he was unable to find sitters for the kids, he went partying every night and spent loadss and loads of money, he actually called me one time yelling at me that the electricity got turned off and i should pay it.. and when i said i diddnt have it he got mad and asked what i was doing with my money.. i had just left staying at my friends house to rent a room from a couple and had to pay for that and a bed and so forth.. i know now that it was a mistake letting him convince me I HAD TO LEAVE THE HOUSE sense i was the one leaving him... anyways so 3 months into the seperation, right after i tottaled my car, two weeks after his new gf broke up with him.. he actually called me very upset saying he missed me, the house missed me, the dogs missed me, asking me to come back, truth be told i missed him to so i came back. Thought things would be different we said we diddnt wanna do the open marriage thing any more but that was short lived cus he cheated on me so we both decided oviously the monogamous relationship just wasnt in our cards for our marriage anymore and thought we could continue what we did before.. and we did.. .. 5 months later he deployed and during the 3 months he was gone i missed him so much, i started thinking about our children and how they deserved a healthy family attmosphere, i knew we had grown distant and things were really wrong and so i vowed to fix things, one of us if this relationship was going to work had to fix things so i was going to take that step... I was going to not date any girls, i was going to be the perfect wife.. set an example and hope he leads, i told him on the phone when on his deployment how i wanted this so much and that WE COULD FIX our marriage before it was too late. He agreed and thought it was a great idea and was for it... well he gets back and is acting really strange, depressed allmost, i mean where he went was like paradise, stayin in hotels , living it up, the money difference was rediculous so he might as well have been a millionare, living a millionaire lifestyle.. becuase we are honest with eachother (kinda i know now) he told me he spent alot of time with a girl down there, i diddnt realize how much time. he told me she cried when he left and told him she loved him.. he said he didnt say it back and diddnt know what to think.. he also told me she knew he was married.. well when he went to bed his first night home i looked through his phone email and low and behold there was an email account i diddnt know he had, he was telling her he missed her, loved her, and by her emails i could deffinately tell she did not know why were together.. i was furious so when he woke up I told him I found this information and emailed her that he was married and found out all about there fling by her... which was a lie i never emailed her i just wanted to see if he would admit to things and it worked, he was so upset that i emailed her, said she was someone of importance down there and knew all the team guys and that she could seriously ruin [censored], said that she acted as a team escort, to show around team guys that game down there, was the personal tour guide and was very close with his team daddy, like a little sister.. i told him i really diddnt cus he was really freaking out thinking his career was gonna be messed up. he seemed releived but said he would tell her the truth, the next night i started the getting to know eachother better, i turned the tv off, turned to him and started asking him first date questions trying to rebuild what we lost, in this conversation he basically told me we couldnt ever get back to where we were and that we had reached a breaking point, i begged i pleaded, i cried, i tried.. to no avail. He wanted a divorce. PERIOD. He is deploying again in 2 months to goto the very same place where she is... FOR 8 months, he said nothing has to change as far as finances go that i would still get his paycheck every month and could stay with what im doing tell he gets back, which when he gets back we are supose to pcs to florida where he actually will be checking into in a month, we were just gonna stay here tell he got back so that we diddnt have to go for 8 months where we diddnt know anyone but now he wants a divorce, so im supose to go along doing everything the same.. BUT WE ARENT TOGETHER, and then when he gets to florida move down there but then we will be in seperate homes... im a housewife, i never worked because thats what he wanted, so now i have 8 months, to goto school so i can be able to support me and my kids, im freaking out!!! he says he will make sure i have some income obviously he has too but i would get primary custody of the kids because his job will be taking him away ALOT... so ive now gotta get to school, hes going to be gone so im like a single mom, we are already living month to month because of ALL the debt he racked up in 3 months time when i left before, so i cant afford a sitter and hes not around to have them somtimes, NO FAMILY here and im supose to goto florida and just start new. Any advice??? I have my sister in colorado and thought i would move there but he basically said if i did that then he would not support me like we would if i went to florida, he wants to be able to be near his kids when hes home which is understandable , deffinately. ANother thing, he claims this has nothing to do with this female he met, but im pretty sure it does, and she has no clue that we were still together, has no clue that even while being HER boyfriend he has already cheated on her when he went to another city down where he was deployed... he is trying to be very friendly with this divorce, i mean giving me all his income for bills and what not till he gets back... i think thats pretty nice... but im so upset that hes leaving me for her, that she has no idea... that i want to tell her. but if i do that then this will become an ANGRY DIVORCE, i have no work experience, i dont know how id suport the kids on what the army would have him pay... and pay a sitter, if i really cause [censored] he could not be deployable..making his not be able to go see her but then again he will RETALIATE against me... his job is his NUMBER one passion... so not i sit, i just found this out last night and I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!! If i say somthing to this girl and he wants to drop all niceness for this... what am i entitled to? Hes E6 gets 5034 gross pay with two kids... what would i get income wise, because if i know this i can look at my options and whether i can get a waitressing job, school and such on that income,,, HELP

#710664 - 04/23/11 10:22 PM Re: help help help me [Re: heartbrokenwife]
DedicatedDad Offline

Registered: 09/05/04
Posts: 1318
Please change this to about 3 sentences and ask a question. When a post is this long, I need to get paid to spend 1/2 hour trying to figure it out.

#710665 - 06/01/11 04:52 AM Re: help help help me [Re: DedicatedDad]
REDFOXX1967 Offline

recently joined

Registered: 06/01/11
Posts: 3
u can either contact Social Service or the Court House and they will direct you to your next step. You can meet with a case worker and they can give you an estimate on how much to expect.


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