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#710796 - 04/10/11 04:51 PM Input needed from situation
idaho2010 Offline

recently joined

Registered: 07/28/10
Posts: 2
I would like to obtain some input from others regarding this issue.

Background: I went overseas (non military) in 2009 to support family with a job. Could not take family. At end of the year contract wife filed for divorce.
2 boys with her, 2 daughters of her own (both of us married once prior)

She withheld communications with my children so I returned home and attempted to reconcile. She did not try to reconcile. She wanted a generic divorce with no parenting plan. I tried to get parenting plan in place with protections for the children.
During this time her oldest daughter went to college, youngest daughter left to go live with dad, far away.

Divorce finalized end of March and entered in court. 9 days later I was told by her that my boys met her boyfriend and did so at a pizza place where they ate and played games.

No prep or communication and I had no knowledge this was coming.

So in summary, the children were in separation anxiety while I was over seas for 11 months, mom filed for divorce, no battle but trying to get parenting plan in place for about 10 months. Children still want mom and dad together.
Divorce final March (late). Boys meet boyfriend right after divorce.

I am looking for an opinion on:
I feel that the bringing a new man into the children's lives right now is too much for them to handle. They are still recovering from the separation, shock of divorce and trying to get used to the current situation. They may perceive this as a threat to someone taking dad's place.

Also the ex has stated she has known about this man for a while (last summer) but got serious in Jan on 2011. Yet she stated also that she has not known him for long. (yes they have had relations prior to the divorce being finalized)

To introduce a man in a short relationship may not be good as if it does not work out then the boys are again thrust into turmoil yet again.

Your thoughts.

#710797 - 04/11/11 08:33 PM Re: Input needed from situation [Re: idaho2010]
DeeCan Offline

Registered: 04/06/08
Posts: 1266
It's not a wise parenting choice, but one she has the right to make no less. The best thing you can do is just keep any negative comments to yourself, enjoy your parenting time with boys, and move on. It's really the ONLY thing you can do.
Don't drink and park, accidents cause people.

#710798 - 04/12/11 12:53 AM Re: Input needed from situation [Re: DeeCan]
yregna Offline

Registered: 07/25/06
Posts: 1265
Loc: Oregon
You military guys all have targets on your back. The minute she conceived she was all about ending the relationship, and keeping parts of your wallet. Your story is told over and over and over by military guys. You'd think word would start to get around.
"Anything free is worth what you pay for it..." "Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get"

#710799 - 04/23/11 02:56 AM Re: Input needed from situation [Re: idaho2010]
Debi Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 7157
Like Dee said, it may not be the best choice but there isn't anything you can do. While they are your children you don't get to decide who she introduces the kids to. (unless there is a valid legal reason for it)

You DO need to get a parenting plan in place ASAP so that you have more of an influence on your children's day to day lives. How often do you have them right now?
When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.

#710800 - 04/28/11 01:26 PM Re: Input needed from situation [Re: Debi]
nolonger Offline

Registered: 09/15/08
Posts: 305
My kids went through a similar experience. Dad and new gf were with my kids less than 1 month of me filing for divorce. It would be almost a year after that until the divorce was final.

The kids were confused. They expressed their anxiety, their dislike of her and asked a LOT of questions.

Here it is 3 years later. They are still together and 1/2 my kids are OK with her now. The other 1/2 tolerate her OK. They have all told me in their own way that they like that I never say bad things to them about her, that I support them without being mean to her and they hate when dad says bad stuff about my bf.

You're right to be concerned, but time will heal and it will get recognized that you did the right thing.

#710801 - 08/22/11 11:09 PM Re: Input needed from situation [Re: nolonger]
aboundingtime Offline

recently joined

Registered: 08/22/11
Posts: 1
One thing I strongly advise is Prayer. As a vet who has served over seas I am very aware of the crazy things that can happen in relationships.

Whether it may be ill motived or not your priority is your children and the example that's being placed before them. You have to trust God and know that it'll be well with them.

And also pray for your ex wife that she may come to her senses and selflessly do what's right for those kids.
Grab your Bible and find scriptures pertaining to your situation and release Gods will upon it.
Your healthy and helpful source for ://[censored]]Pug Training

#710802 - 01/06/15 09:57 AM Re: Input needed from situation [Re: aboundingtime]
Vroooom Offline

recently joined

Registered: 01/06/15
Posts: 9
Wow. Is your relationship with her completely hostile or can you talk reasonably/rationally about issues regarding the kids? If you are able to have a decent conversation with her, I suggest you telling her your concerns. Make it clear it has nothing to do with you trying to control her life or who she sees, but that your fathering instincts are telling you it would be best for your boys if she could slow down on incorporating him into their lives. Just ask her to give the boys a little more time. In the meantime, be reminded that no one can replace you as their father, and work all you can to build that relationship with them.

#710803 - 01/06/15 07:50 PM Re: Input needed from situation [Re: Vroooom]
BeachBabeRN Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 01/17/06
Posts: 3236
Loc: VA for 21 years, NC forever!
You do realize that the original post is over four years old, right?


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