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#722975 - 06/27/11 04:46 AM Our Anniversary Was Friday and I'm Confused
justaface Offline

recently joined

Registered: 06/27/11
Posts: 2
Because this is kind of long I'm going to start with my question and you guys can read the history if you choose. I'm wondering what would be the purpose of not wanting a divorce for my husband if he doesn't want to fix our marriage and is living with another woman? What can he gain from that?

Me and my husband have had a lot of issues in the last year. I've suspected him of cheating and then he went away to help a friend move and was gone 2 days. I've found pictures of boobs from girls in his phone and also a pictures where he sent pictures of his private area to another woman. While these things are in my opinion a form of cheating, I did not believe at that point that he had had sex with some one else.

I tried to protect myself by building up a wall and not letting any emotions in or out. I have become a defensive and very untrusting woman. I was angry at my husband and to get back at him I too cheated. I was seeking the attention and love I could not give my husband and I regret that with all my soul. I confessed this to my husband thinking he would admit to his own affair which he did somewhat without details.

Saying all that I think to myself why do you want to save this marriage, but I love my husband and I believe with counseling we can get through this. The problem is that when he wanted to work on it I was so hurt and distrusting from all the things he had did that I couldn't.

In May I followed him to another woman's house. I thought we were working through our issues. It hurt me so bad that I packed up all his clothes and put him out. I then was able to trace their phone calls all the way back to 2009 and also found that this was the same woman he had sent pictures of his private area. I didn't even know we had problems then. I found other small things also. We have never had a major argument. We have been together 7 years no breakups.

The thing about working it out is that it requires two and he said he absolutely does not want to work on the marriage or try to fix anything or go to counseling right now.

When I ask about a divorce he is adamant that he doesn't want to get a divorce that we just need time apart to work on ourselves. I really feel like he just wants time to let the current affair run it's course. He calls me and texts me most days and he leaves me hanging on with hope.

I tried to tell him that I had changed as a person and even though it's only been a little over a month a feel I have. All the old pain I feel like I have let it go and if we could just get on some mutual ground everything would be fine.
I just don't know what more I can do.

#722976 - 06/27/11 09:34 PM Re: Our Anniversary Was Friday and I'm Confused [Re: justaface]
BeachBabeRN Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 01/17/06
Posts: 3236
Loc: VA for 21 years, NC forever!
You can start the divorce process yourself. He can contest the divorce but if one of the parties truly wants it, it eventually will be granted.

Not being divorced puts him in the position of not being able to marry again -- perhaps his lady friend wants to get married and he doesn't.

Block his texts and calls and start the process yourself.

#722977 - 09/16/11 09:19 PM Re: Our Anniversary Was Friday and I'm Confused [Re: BeachBabeRN]
alexaf Offline

recently joined

Registered: 09/16/11
Posts: 1
"The thing about working it out is that it requires two and he said he absolutely does not want to work on the marriage or try to fix anything or go to counseling right now."

I think this says it all right here, he doesn't want to work things out. You both have to want it.

#722978 - 09/28/11 06:16 AM Re: Our Anniversary Was Friday and I'm Confused [Re: alexaf]
Max71 Offline

recently joined

Registered: 09/28/11
Posts: 14
It's obvious you truly love this man. It's my opinion the most loving thing you could do for him would be to start a divorce. You're not helping either of you by allowing this to continue without taking action. Sadly, I can't think of any other action besides divorce. If he has a change of heart, you can always give him another chance.

It's easy to think very little of yourself having to endure what you're going through, but maybe this will help... There's not a lot of women out there who would stand by a man's side through as much pain as he's dealt onto you. In my opinion, you're a champion.

I hope the best for you and your husband, and also, hope that you can hang onto the level of goodness you've shown yourself capable of.


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