Start Your Divorce Today - Premium Divorce Online

Topic Options
#729536 - 08/31/11 12:45 AM When do you know....
jswmpb Offline

recently joined

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 3
When do you know it's time to give up? My husband lies to me, has relapsed and gotten sober, but I believe relapsed again based on behaviors. When he's high he post sexual ads on craigslist. He's always talked innappropriately to people (of both sexes). Things were going great till last week when I looked at his texts and saw a text saying that I was leaving (for vacation) in 2 weeks and they could "[censored]" then. He made up some excuse. I don't know what's real or what's not real. People say just leave, but until you're their you can't imagine how hard it really is. I don't know what to do.....

#729537 - 09/02/11 03:37 PM Re: When do you know.... [Re: jswmpb]
tdymadison Offline

recently joined

Registered: 08/18/11
Posts: 3
You can only decide when its time to give up. You have to make sure you do what is healthy for you. The situation you're in now is obviously unhealthy and it has to change for your sake. Right now my wife and are separated and I am suspecting her of infidelity. Early on during the issues a good friend told me to divorce her, and I got angry as it was not what I wanted to hear. I really wanted to save the marriage and give her the benefit of the doubt and still do, but I could no longer deny the issue. One thing that is working for us is therapy, both couples and individual, as we better understanding what our concerns and issues are and she's getting how her actions are impacting me. Things are getting better, however divorce appears to be highly likely at this point. But for us it has made the situation less unhealthy. However, it works if both people are invested and open to it, and it may not work for everyone. Its been good having someone there to mediate and ask questions that we have been unable to ask each other. You may also want to consider a trail separation. As hard as it is living alone right now, its better than the awkwardness of living together in this current situation. At the end of the day this is an extremely difficult situation and positive steps need to taken for your sake and if he's unwilling to work on it then you need to think about what will be healthiest for you in the long term.

#729538 - 09/28/11 06:35 AM Re: When do you know.... [Re: tdymadison]
Max71 Offline

recently joined

Registered: 09/28/11
Posts: 14
I know very well what it's like to be in that position. You love them so very much that you can forgive anything... The problem with that is that they tend to walk all over you when they realize you'll forgive them so extensively. Forgiving them doesn't have to mean doing nothing though. If he's into drugs and drugs cause him to act destructively, it's no loving act to simply forgive him and do nothing. He needs help. Rehab. Sure, forgive him, but get him the help he needs and insist on him doing it. You never know. He may leave you no choice but to divorce him. You can try to get him help and stand by his side through it, but if he's unwilling to make an effort to honestly change you can't just sit there and watch him destroy himself. That's my opinion anyways.

It would be easier if you didn't love him so much, but if you didn't have the love and commitment you're showing, you would have married for the wrong reasons. Walk away if you don't have any other choice, but if you do walk, walk away knowing you did everything you could.

Habits are, well... habitual. People with addictions tend to fight those addictions their whole lives, what ever that addiction might be.

I hope the best for you both.

#729539 - 10/02/11 07:01 PM Re: When do you know.... [Re: Max71]
1goodman Offline

recently joined

Registered: 10/02/11
Posts: 16
all i have to offer is, i feel for you. if you love him, dont give up on him. my wife found another man and left for him because she said i was insecure and untrusting. i was right to be untrusting. i dont know how you keep the cheating from getting you more down. they can go to rehab for the drugs but can they get the cheating and lying out of their system? what part of your story hurts the most? for me its the cheating.


Resources & Tools
Start Your Divorce Online Start Your Divorce
Several Options to Get Started Today.
Divorce Tools Online Divorce Tools
Keeping it Simple to Get the Job Done.
Divorce Downloads Download Center
Instantly Download Books, Guides & Forms.
Divorce and Custody Books Discount Books
Over 100 of the Best Divorce & Custody Books.
Negotiate Online Negotiate Online
Settle your Divorce and Save.
Custody and Support Tracking Custody Scheduling
Make Sure You Document Everything.

Easily Connect With a Lawyer or Mediator
Have Divorce Professionals from Your Area Contact You!
Enter Your Zip Code: