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#738309 - 12/15/11 04:13 AM Wife is going to leave
Dave123456789 Offline

recently joined

Registered: 12/15/11
Posts: 3
My wife told me she is not happy a few weeks ago. We already decided to separate. Her issue with our marriage is that she felt that we had no passion in our relationship. I felt differently than she did and I assumed we were just in a valley in our relationship since many marriages go thru hills and valleys. I really want the passion in our relationship too and I was willing to work on it because I love her very much. However, she told me that a switch turned off with her and that she didn't think we could ever reignite our passion. This was a devastating blow for me because she is my everything and I didn't want to lose her. Ultimately, I told her I think we should separate because I knew she really wanted to and I didn't want her to stay unhappy being with me. I said this because I was thinking of her although truly deep down I didn't. I takes two to be in a relationship and I was the only one who wanted it to work. That just isn't going to work when only one person wants it. Although I have come to this realization, it still can't help feeling down and depressed and probably at the lowest point in my life. I find myself going thru an emotional rollercoaster. One minute I am calm, the next minute I am mad, then next minute I am sad. I am scared of what my life will be like after she leaves. I will miss her and be lonely. Also, am worried about how it will effect us financially. Unfortunately, I think I will have to move into a more business like relationship with her regarding finances and child custody. I am not looking forward to it, but I see it as a necessary evil. It sucks. Currently, her behavior is very business like and I can tell she is looking forward to leaving and moving on with her life. I am happy for her because I am glad she is doing something that she feels will make her life better. However, I will admit that it does hurt my feelings when she acts like this. I am doing my best to support her and be strong but I wish she would show just the slightest bit of empathy since we have been married for 11 years and we have two amazing beautiful children. Her enthuisastic positive behavior towards it hurts. She stopped telling me she loves me and does not communicate with me unless there is something that she has to say to me. I felt like I lost my best friend, love and lover.
I am looking for some people who I can talk to and support me during this time. I would like to get men's and women's perpective on this. I would also like to learn about how to separate/divorce and what things I should consider. I would also like to learn how to begin healing from this. After reading alot of forums it seems like this is a common problem in alot of marriages.

#738310 - 12/15/11 03:51 PM Re: Wife is going to leave [Re: Dave123456789]
Maury Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/02/04
Posts: 8182
Loc: This Asylum --->
It takes tow to be in a relationship. However unfortunate, it only takes one to divorce. One party may indicate that they believe there has been an irretrievable breakdown of the marital relationship and the divorce will proceed forward even if the other party prefers to make efforts to save the marriage.

Most legal fees are rung up , not by legal issues, but by emotional issues. As a result, taking a pragmatic approach is best, although it is not easy. For the emotional issues, you should rely on friends to support you or speak with a therapist. Using a lawyer as a therapist or the divorce as a foil for control simply runs up bills and accomplishes nothing.

You can start the process by attempting to mediate a reasonable resolution of your issues. If you can resolve even some of your issues, that will facilitate settlement and reduce potential costs. You should speak with a lawyer regarding your particular issues. Visit


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