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#750378 - 06/04/12 04:07 PM Sole Custody and moving child out of state
LimboLarry Offline

recently joined

Registered: 11/23/09
Posts: 17
Hello, my fiance has sole custody of her 4 year old daughter. She currently lives in CT. My son, who I have joint custody of lives in NY. The father of her daughter is not on the birth certificate and pays child support. There are no visitation stipulations on paper. he currently lives 1 hour away and has no drivers license or car. for the past 4 years my fiance has been doing all the driving. She drives her to him every other weekend for a Saturday overnight and usually on the other weekend for a Saturday day only visit. Lets just say that the father is not a very nice man, but he loves his daughter. He has a prior felony, shady citizenship status and no ability to get a drivers license and my fiance has bent over backwards so he can have a relationship with the daughter. She gets minimal child support based on a phony W2 and barely gives her enough extra money for gas for all the driving she does. he lives in a bachelor pad studio apartment and she provides all clothes, etc for when she stays with him. Long story short, he just isn't a good dad.

Our two kids are siblings, they know each other since they are two and we are getting married next year. All they know is each other and love each other very much. We mentioned to the father earlier this year that as soon as my fiance gets a new job in NY that we would like to move to NY and have the kids in the same school district. It is a half hour further away, but that my fiance will still continue to do all the driving and maintain his visitation in it's current form. He verbally agreed and said he recognizes how important it is for the kids to be close to each other and as long as he can still get his door to door visitation service he had our blessing. Of course finding the new job has taken forever so we have been slowed in our move. Enter the new girlfriend into his life that wants to play mommy, she got in his ear and now he is telling us we can't move, etc. She lives in the other direction and we are assuming he wants to move in with her. He said he will take my fiance to court and prevent a move out of CT.

We have two possible plays here...........

1. Take our chances in court, and present that my fiance does all the driving anyway and that his visitation will not change and roll the dice. If we do this, we run the risk of me never being able to live closer to where my son is now. I live 40 minutes away because my ex wife insisted on moving to a particular area of NY and I couldn't stop her. I have 50/50 custody of my son, overnights during the week and every other weekend, summers, etc. I am a very active parent. Basically, I can't move my son due to our agreement, so we were going to move our life to him and still maintain my fiance's ex's visitation. I know going to court may block her from moving out of CT and potentially put my son an hour away from me. It's hard enough now at 40 minutes. I take him to pre-school and pick him up and then go to work in the other direction and it's crazy.

2. Move now before we go to court and then find her job. we have enough money to make it work temporarily. I am unsure how it works though. He isn't on the birth certificate and she has sole custody. She would continue to maintain the visitation agreement which is a verbal one anyway. He even pays his child support in cash because of his shady dealings. So, my questions are............
-If we moved before he could go to court and get an injunction are we in the clear? is there any way we would be required to move back?
-could he even prevent us from moving anyway without having custody?
-being she does all the driving anyway because he has no car, does it even matter where she lives.

Normally, I would feel guilty, but my fiance is a good woman and she has always acting in her daughter's best interests and he has not. She goes out of her way to maintain that visitation and he has done nothing to help his situation. he does none of the driving and his daughter is magically dropped off every weekend at his doorstep so he can play daddy for a night. We are doing what is best for our kids and having them together is ideal.

What do you guys think?

#750379 - 06/04/12 05:21 PM Re: Sole Custody and moving child out of state [Re: LimboLarry]
annieo Offline


Registered: 07/07/10
Posts: 1499
Him not being on the birth certificate means nothing given there is a support order in effect he is the presumed father and that won't change.

You can move all you want - taking the child with you is an entirely different deal, however given what you have stated I would tend to think that the move is probably not going to be blocked and with your finance continuing to maintain the visits the father isn't losing anything.

Is the father just posturing or is he really serious? The new girlfriend has no bearing in the court.

The fact that you want the two children together as siblings will not matter - they are not blood and using this as reasoning is pointless.

Personally if there is not a "move-away" clause preventing a move then I would move. Let him take her to court and if you go to court he would most likely get the same visitation or he would get an increase to EOW (all weekend) and then some summer and possibly a week night visit.

#750380 - 06/05/12 02:53 AM Re: Sole Custody and moving child out of state [Re: annieo]
LimboLarry Offline

recently joined

Registered: 11/23/09
Posts: 17
He has threatened to seek custody a couple of times and in the past my fiance was able to handle the situation outside of the courts. This was for minor things though.

We are sitting down with a CT lawyer on Thursday to see what our options are.

The only thing in writing is the amount of child support and that she has to allow for reasonable visitation. It says she has sole residence and legal custody.


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