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#753938 - 09/18/12 01:35 PM Unstable BM
kellynoel Offline

recently joined

Registered: 09/18/12
Posts: 2
So, I am seeking advice because my boyfriend's soon-to-be ex-wife is making our lives an utter living hell. They were seperated before I even met him and he had to perform negotiations with her to get her to leave. in the 6 years they were married she refused to get a job and kept the house in complete filth (which he has photographic evidence of)and let her children terrorize my bf. In order to get her to move the home he had to agree to pay her rent, car insurance, and utilities for a year and he had to agree to give her half of the 2012 and 2013 tax returns. This being said she lives bill free in a nice apartment and in the 7 months of their seperation still has yet to look for a job. There is no morailty clause whatsoever in their agreement and even if there was my bf has proof of her co-habiting with a man (she was almost evicted for him living with her). Now she is trying to tell my bf that she can have the agreement thrown out and he will have to pay her alimony for the rest of her life because he and I live together. He and I moved in together because he could not afford the bills on his own and their son loves me to death. She once tried to refuse him visitation because I am there and it was "immoral". This comes from a woman that has a bisexual 15 year old son in the home who recently had a baby with the 16 year old girl she also has living with her. Can she possibly get the agreement thrown out? Might i also add that she gets their 5 year old son to agree with her how "sorry his father is" and how he would be better off if his father dropped dead.

#753939 - 09/18/12 08:29 PM Re: Unstable BM [Re: kellynoel]
finz Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/17/08
Posts: 6756
While I wouldn't condone the two of you moving in together with him being seperated only 7 months and involved with contentious divorce and custody issues.......I think bm is deluding herself if she thinks she can get alimony for life because he is 'shacking up'

IF there is a 'morality clause' about cohabitation while the child is staying overnight, sounds like BOTH parents have violated it (both living with significant others).

He should make sure there is wording in any spousal support order that it will end if/when she cohabitates (which, of course, she has already done) or marries.

It sounds like your bf is really get pushed around by her. Does he have a lawyer involved ?

#753940 - 09/22/12 01:37 PM Re: Unstable BM [Re: kellynoel]
Debi Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 7157
She can not get alimony simply because he is living with you, however she is in the process of setting up a good status quo situation for herself. While she will have to get a job once they are divorced she is in the process of proving she can't make it without his help and he is in the process of proving he CAN make it while helping her. If him paying her keeps her off assistance what do you thnk the courts are going to do?

Is this agreement he made filed with the courts? If not then he needs to quit paying immediately. She is out so if nothing is CO'd (an agreement filed with the courts would be considered court ordered if a judge signed off on it) then he could be in control right now. Has divorce been filed for or just separation? If not he needs to get on that ASAP.

Her son's sexuality is not part of the equation. She could be the most moral person in the world and have a bi-sexual child. Him living in her home is not up for discussion. He is 15, she can't kick him out. (The girl on the other hand is a different story) Since her husband is living with another woman it makes her living with another man a wash.Being there is no co-habitation clause or morality clause he can't even bring it up if the separation agreement is CO'd. Except in the case of the temporary alimony....he may be able to bring it up for that but the agreement was for a year. He will spend 5 months trying to get into court to change it.

She can definitely TRY to get life time alimony (not based on him living with you). She's not going to get it for a 6 year marriage. She may get it short term though, although probably not at the amount of what he's paying for now.

That said it amazes me that when one person is already living with someone they complain about their stbx doing the exact same thing. It also amazes me that people who are barely separated and not even divorced are ready to jump into another relationship. My advice to you (even though you didn't ask for it) would be to distance yourself emotionally. He has a lot to go through and isn't even close to healing yet from his marriage. I know you won't listen because no one ever views themselves as a rebound. Just keep it in the back of your mind.
When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.

#753941 - 09/23/12 05:49 PM Re: Unstable BM [Re: kellynoel]
SRS Offline

Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 11/05/10
Posts: 2585
I'd back away quickly from this mess. He's not divorced and only been separated for 7 months.

How often does he see his 5 year old? That would say a lot about his character, imo. WHy doesn't he have his 5 year old living with him, if things were so filthy at his stbx's home?

Run, not back away. Read about some of the others here who have taken on their new husbands drama.

Once he gets his life in order, he may be ready to start a real relationship with you.

#753942 - 09/29/12 01:31 PM Re: Unstable BM [Re: SRS]
javajunkiee Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/02/08
Posts: 3200
Loc: SC
Morality clauses don't mean jack. Courts can't enforce anyone's morality and have a tough enough time enforcing cut and dried laws.

That said, what state? Some states do have at-fault divorces, and that may be why she thinks she can get more money than she's worth out of him. What she fails to realize is if that *is* her reasoning? Her screwing around as well cancels her claim.

Just an observation, but why on earth anyone gets involved with someone going through this drama I never understand. He better have something really special to put up with this type of nonsense.
Marriage doesn't come with a money-back guarantee.

#753943 - 06/23/16 08:19 PM Re: Unstable BM [Re: javajunkiee]
vincenzo_pucci Offline

recently joined

Registered: 06/23/16
Posts: 3
<a [censored]="[censored]://" target="_blank">Karen Schoenau</a>


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