I live in iowa and our divorce has finally become final, save the equalization of our retirements. The difference is minor, $3500 payable to her out of my retirement, but considering at the sale of our home she will be getting $53,000 v. my $414.00, I would like to keep anything I can. My lawyer withdrew at end of divorce, but prior to drawing up thhe QDRO. Her lawyer, a pompous ass, took the liberty of contacting my plan administrator, obtaining plan summary and plan QDRO sample form, and sent to me the proposed QDRO with the expectation I would sign. Upon reading and researching QDRO's I quickly became aware of how biasedd it was in her favor. Acting pro se (without lawyer) due to financial embarassment, I sent a counter proposal in lieu of signing theirs. The points I argued, all of which were options according to the plan sample, were 1) stating an exact figure vs. a percentage to simplify the amount she is entitled to 2) dropping the sentence that stated she would share in future gains or losses for her share since the decree specifically states she's entitled to the difference between my retirement and hers that accrued from time of marriage to time of dissolution, and 3) in the event she precedes me in death, her share would revert back to me as opposed to being given to the beneficiary of her choosing (hardly seems fair her new husband should be entitled to ANY of my retirement!!!) Further, I offered to pay half the administrative filing fee required by my plan to review and accept (or reject) the QDRO, which is $200. I did not offer to pay any of the atty fees she will have to pay for drawing the QDRO up, and since he used the company sample form, word for word save the fill-in-the-blank portions, I figured I could just as easily draw one up and she could pay me if it is determined I am responsible for all or part of those fees!!
He responded back to her saying I refused to sign, was asking for major changes he claims I'm not entitled to, and suggested he send to the judge unless he heard back from her. She did not try to stop him from doing that. The judge was not impressed by me in court at all to say the least, and now I'm worried he will order me to sign as is!!! I cannot find anywhere where their is an absolute right or wrong, legal or illegal way of choosing these options and question whether or not I am within my rights to ask for the changes???? Any help would be MOST apppreciated. :confused: