I'm using the double window system here...hopefully I won't get confused.
I answered another part of your question in a separate post -- in order --
1. Why would you go in OFFERING this? That makes no sense. There's no court in the WORLD that will make you pay all that stuff, not even in Virginia.
2. Without independenet verification of adultery, none of the incidents can be used in court. While adultery IS grounds for divorce in Virginia, you darn near have to either have the testimony of the other party or clear photos of a sexual act. Familiarize yourself with the VA Code.
3. You cannot MAKE her do anything. The house you owned is your separate property and you'd be entitled to it in a divorce decree. The jointly owned house is marital property and as such, may be made part of a property settlement.
4. As long as there was no comingling of funds, that house and its profits, remain yours. However, consider the housing market carefully. It's coming back, but it's nowhere near what it used to be.
5.She may be entitled to half the contributions made during the term of the marriage only.
6. Absolutely not.
7. Without proof of adultery, you can't file for divorce before a year's separation unless there are no children involved. If you have no children together, you can get divorced in six months, regardless of the grounds for the divorce.
8.No, unless her drinking directly affects the care of children -- and you'd better have solid proof that it does. Were children in the car with her when she received any DUI charges? And knowing that she has an alcohol problem, why did you permit her to drive ANY vehicle? Lock the keys up.
9. Better to have a formal agreement before you move out -- the date on that agreement starts the clock ticking. Unless there's nothing to divide? Get it in writing.
10. If you can afford it? Attorney, all the way, based on what you're saying here and in your other post about spousal support.
11. No, you are not required to pay for health insurance for her once you're divorced, unless that's made part of a court order. Knowing what the price for COBRA is? I'd avoid that under any circumstances. You will, of course, be willing to pay for health insurance for your child(ren)? The cost for health insurance and necessary daycare is a credit to your child support amount.
12. Absolutely. Lifetime alimony? Not in a million years. IF she's lucky, she'll get it for half the term of the marriage but the length of your marriage is under the ten year mark -- again, attorney.
13. There's no need to spend 10's of thousands of dollars. Perhaps if you just sit down with her and tell her you want a divorce? The two of you can come to some type of basic agreement and you can involve an attorney at that point.
Judges in Virginia want everything to be settled BEFORE you enter the courtroom. They don't really want to adjudicate the dissolution of a relationship because someone is usually unhappy and it turns into a complete mess. Creativity is NOT a bad thing when working with finances. You could offer to pay a mortgage for her, pay her utilities, etc as part of spousal support for a certain amount of time. Child support is a separate issue and you need to be prepared to be completely hosed on that -- make certain that you don't impute income to her that will raise your child support to a greater monthly gross amount.
You NEED to read the Virginia Code buddy.....you don't necessarily have to sign yourself up for years of spousal support that may not be the best thing for her. She's a grown woman, she's got to learn how to be one and get on with life. Your marriage is of reasonably short duration....your other post sounded like you'd been married for 30 years!
Don't be offering up the moon and stars -- offer what is REASONABLE. Your offer? Completely out of line with what the facts are. You've never mentioned your children -- how many, how old? That's something that is truly needed here -- as child support and spousal support are two completely separate issues in a divorce court and on a tax form. She pays taxes on spousal support, you deduct it from your gross income. SHE is responsible for the filing of income tax forms for that money, YOU are not responsible for WITHOLDING that amount. If she doesn't PAY her taxes, it's on HER. NOT you. She'll probably qualify for the earned income credit on her taxes, not to worry -- she'll get back money she never even PAID into the system.
Step back for a bit, check out some attorneys, and realize that you're offering her more than any court would consider awarding her in a divorce action.