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#761243 - 04/04/13 12:45 PM feeling alone
startingoverat40 Offline

recently joined

Registered: 04/04/13
Posts: 1
I seperated from my husband in December and our divorce finalized last month. I'm not ready to start dating, but I'm struggling with my new life, spending so much time alone is hard. My friends are all married and keep inviting me out on their date nights, which is awkward to say the least. I need to make new friends my own age who are single and want to get out of the house like I do. I don't even know where to begin with meeting new people. I'm not a drinker and don't want to go to bars and I can't afford to pay to go to the gym or join a class. Can anyone offer ideas as to how at 40 I can make new friends and get out of these four walls once in a while?

#761244 - 04/05/13 12:28 AM Re: feeling alone [Re: startingoverat40]
Debi Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 7157
I'm not sure how big of a city you live in or if you live close to a large city, but there is a "club" for want of a better word near my city where singles 35+ can sign up for group outings. You can go or not go on any that you want. It could be theatre, bowling, bungee jumping, a cooking class, ect. There are members of both sexes. (think of senior groups for younger people)

A friend of mine and I looked into it but never ended joining. Something like that may be outside your comfort zone but that's not always a bad thing. It's not a "dating" group so no pressure.
When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.

#761245 - 05/03/13 02:57 PM Re: feeling alone [Re: Debi]
markwilliam Offline

recently joined

Registered: 05/03/13
Posts: 1
I am going to chime in because I actually have the same question. Wow what a struggle it can be when you feel so alone and you just lost your thought to be family and best friend.

#761246 - 05/07/14 07:45 PM Re: feeling alone [Re: markwilliam]
kotabear Offline

Registered: 09/05/07
Posts: 642
true markwilliam
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on. (Robert Frost)

#761247 - 05/09/14 10:27 PM Re: feeling alone [Re: markwilliam]
Curmudgeon Offline

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 2030
Loc: MO Ozarks
In my experience, friendships just happen naturally. Look at where people meet - at work, in church, at gyms, in schools and people you simply bump into and strike up a conversation with while walking (a dog is a great conversation starter), shopping, jogging, etc..

Look around you. When I divorced it seemed that every woman who owned a shop or restaurant I patronized eventually inquired about my ex and once they knew I was "available," had a friend they knew would just love to meet me. Women at work came out of the woodwork as well. Interestingly enough, a couple of years later I asked out and then married the one woman I knew from work who made no approach whatsoever. I liked and appreciated that about her.

#761248 - 03/22/15 04:09 AM Re: feeling alone [Re: Curmudgeon]
NV_611 Offline

recently joined

Registered: 03/22/15
Posts: 1
Dear Startingoverat40,
Due to your circumstances, have you thought of volunteering or take a class at a Recreational Park if any near where you live?
Volunteering can be rewarding and a positive distraction. I may help with loneliness? It doesn't have to be something big... and take it 1 step at a time.
If there's a Rec center, they usually offer classes for free or very cheap. I took Yoga class once for $15 for 2 months.
Hope this helps...

#761249 - 12/09/15 02:50 PM Re: feeling alone [Re: NV_611]
jorgito2001 Offline

recently joined

Registered: 12/07/15
Posts: 7
Loc: FL
There are some GREAT suggestions here. I have been seperated since July, she moved out in September and the holidays are wrecking HAVOC on my emotions & feelings of loneliness. Like the OP, the feelings I get when the kids are with the soon-to-be-ex almost feel devastating. Its a terrible feeling. And a lot of my friends are either "mutual" friends OR are married and have their own lives.

I've thrown myself in job offers Good Works opportunities and even met a few women this way...nothing solid (yet), but trying to keep hope alive. Plus good causes when feeling BAD is a POSITIVE thing (vs getting drunk at a bar or plain 'ol self-destructive behavior). Also, may want to download an app called Lots of activities available.

The OP posted this almost 3 years ago...hope she found something to fill the void in a positive manner. I feel anyone in this situation as I still get feelings of EXTREME loneliness (in particular last night when I had the whole evening to myself). Then again, I'm freshly seperated/divorced so its only natural...I just wish there was a ffwd button. :(


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