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#771778 - 05/09/16 08:15 PM Hello again - how is everyone?
bacall Offline

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 280
Greetings everyone who is now on this board. Back, many years ago now, I wrote on here - it seemed constantly. It was an outlet that I needed to try to make sense of what for me was senselessness. So many wonderful people on this board listened, replied, agreed -- and disagreed -- it was a comfort that I so needed then - just to have a voice, maybe. Divorce, when not wanted by you, seems to take away your voice - along with your heart and sometimes it even feels like your soul is being battered around.

Had to write today to wish all mothers that are on this website a happy day after Mother's Day. It has always been a difficult day for me. Even after so many years, I am still amazed how a man who helped you create life (in my own case, many) has no involvement or commentary for you. I try to find things merely "curious" now, rather than gut-wrenching as I once did.

I'm writing somewhat in the hopes that some old-timers still look on this site. Would love to hear from some of you and catch up on what is going on in your lives now.

If so, please send me a private message.

In the meantime, for all of you who have found this board, my very best wishes and prayers that you safely navigate through this very difficult time in your life. My advice is always to do everything exactly the opposite of what I did. Care about yourself; know that it is over and try very hard to accept that fact. More than anything, take care of yourself and your children (young or old, they still need you). I have other "words of wisdom borne from hurt and disappointment and also from a sense of being quite na´ve about people in general (!), but I'll save them for another day.

Keep posting and sharing your stories. It isn't the theory of misery loving company; it is knowing that you are not alone at a time when sometimes that is all you can feel. Best wishes to everyone on this board that you receive grace and strength for the future!
Take care.

#771779 - 09/22/16 10:11 PM Re: Hello again - how is everyone? [Re: bacall]
Karen1 Offline

Registered: 06/02/05
Posts: 1804
Loc: Ohio
Well said bacall. Several old regulars including you, were my lifeline back in 2002 - 2005 and beyond. good to see you still post here, sent you a PM with my email address. If you are on Facebook I am there. will PM that to you if you want. We can PM there as well. Karen1 also known as Mondami
"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened".

#774609 - 04/26/18 02:49 PM Re: Hello again - how is everyone? [Re: bacall]
NancyD Offline

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 2117
Loc: New York
Well, even if this thread is two years old, I just wanted to check in and give my input as a long divorced person who found help on this board.

It's been over twenty years since my divorce. I had two young children and an ex who basically checked out when it came to co-parenting and supporting them financially. But I made a life that took care of the children and myself, so I didn't look back and try to get blood from a stone.

The kids are grown and on their own. My daughter is married and made me a grandmother last November. I've retired from full-time work and only take on freelance assignments. I bought a townhouse that is perfect for now. Room for the kids to visit, no outside upkeep for me, near to friends and family.

My ex comes back into my life every now and again through the children. And never in a good way. Last Fall he got really sick and was hospitalized several states away. I paid for our son to go and be with him as he was in a coma for several weeks and a family member had to make medical decisions. When he finally recovered, he was rude and argumentative with our son, so son left and has refused to talk to him since then.

I had such a good relationship with both my parents that I find this toxic one my ex has with our children very perplexing. And I'm sad that they are not getting a very good example of paternal parenting.

My only advice to anyone just starting down this road is to do everything you can to keep both parents in your children's lives. Don't shut out the other parent and don't walk away if things get tough. Let the children decide when they are old enough whether there is any value in the relationship.

Bacall and Karen1, it was good to hear from you.


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