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#772112 - 07/08/16 02:19 AM Second chance after?
jhinor Offline

recently joined

Registered: 07/08/16
Posts: 3
My wife and I have been in an unhappy marriage for a while. Talking does nothing. I got to the point that I just didn't know what to do anymore and said that I thought we should divorce. 4 days later she had sex with the guy she cheated on me with 6 years earlier. A week later, we had a nice talk and questioned everything and had sex. She told me about 6 hours later about the sex with the other man a week earlier.

We've been talking and wondering if we can save this anyway, and the entire time we've been talking, she's been texting and meeting up with a different guy she met on tinder. Yesterday, we were having a good conversation all day through text,when she abruptly ended our conversation and said she'd be home in an hour. 4.5 hours later she came home, had clearly had a few drinks and was looking very annoyed that I was waiting for her but I asked what happened and said I was worried about her because she wouldn't answer phone calls or texts.

She said she was out with a "friend". I asked who and she said that I didn't know them. I asked why she was being secretive and she said that she has a ton of friends I don't know because I never would go anywhere with her.

Anyway, she was very defensive and it took an hour, but she finally admitted she was with the guy from tinder, but it wasn't a date. She insists they're just friends and they talk about our divorce.

So I looked at the cell phone data log. They've talked non stop since 7 days ago when they met, and sometimes at 3am. They text first thing in the morning and last thing at night.

I also asked what they did for 4.5 hours. They met at a restaurant, had drinks, then went for a drive in his car, then parked up on our version of "look out point" as the sun set. That doesn't sound like anything but a date to me, but she insists that it wasn't.

Anyway, all of that was going on the last 2 days we were talking about saving our marriage.

So what do you think? She's not serious about wanting us to work at all? She's telling the truth about the tinder guy? She's just covering her bases in case we don't work out? She's toying with me for asking for a divorce? What are your thoughts?

What are your thoughts about the tinder guy?

What are your thoughts on someone having sex after 4 days and then having sex with me a week later but not telling me about the other guy until after?

#772113 - 07/08/16 03:18 AM Re: Second chance after? [Re: jhinor]
jhinor Offline

recently joined

Registered: 07/08/16
Posts: 3
I need to say my side of the problem, too. I have been a heavy drinker for years, and I know it's affected my marriage. After I asked for a divorce we fought a lot over text while she was staying in another city and I said some very resentful, hurtful things. She says that this is why she slept with the guy after a few days. She said she felt horrible and hurt and just wanted someone to make her feel good and who liked her for her.

Similarly, she says that with all the animosity and pain that comes with our divorce, she just needs people to talk to, and that her tinder profile specifically says that she is getting a divorce, does not want to date and that she just wants people to talk to.

#772114 - 07/09/16 02:37 AM Re: Second chance after? [Re: jhinor]
jhinor Offline

recently joined

Registered: 07/08/16
Posts: 3
She admitted to dating the tinder guy. Never mind. Filed divorce papers today. :)

#772115 - 07/13/16 07:35 PM Re: Second chance after? [Re: jhinor]
matilda Offline

Registered: 11/11/04
Posts: 2142
Sorry that you are having to deal with the break up of your marriage. Please be careful not to use alcohol to deal with the pain of the break up. You might make some unwise legal decisions that you don't think all the way through if under the influence. I know it is cliche, but find something that you can focus on such as running, working out, gardening, etc. I hope everything works as for you.

#772738 - 11/13/16 04:30 PM Re: Second chance after? [Re: jhinor]
psa Offline
recently joined

Registered: 11/13/16
Posts: 2
i think you should have her phone checked out to know what it truly is between both of you. it's not healthy to keep on going through the same thing, ive been there, you should visit this site he'll be of help to you about the information you need, you deserve to know what's going on

#773145 - 03/28/17 11:17 PM Re: Second chance after? [Re: jhinor]
FrancoStacy Offline

Registered: 03/28/17
Posts: 26
Do you have kids?
How you answer this changes my advice.

I am not one to say a marriage should be given up on because one was unfaithful. Adultery is a deep wound to heal, but it can be healed. Its easier to heal if you can accept you too were at fault and you sound like you have already done that. I want to this though, never say your faults CAUSED her to cheat, that is simply not true. Everyone is responsible for her own actions and she wanted to cheat, bottom line.

My wife cheated on me, but I was willing to try an forgive her. I was willing for her to come back home and still have a boyfriend becuase i was confident I would win her over. I was willing to take the pain and swallow my pride for our kids and for the sake of our family that was happy for many years and also because I loved God and promised to not give up on marriage.

It seemed to anger her that I would forgive her. When I asked to her to come back to our house with our kids and me and that if she felt the urge to get away, we would lie to the kids and claim it was her traveling for really made her angry. Sometimes I think she wanted me to hit or or go out and have sex with another woman to give her a battle cry. But I didnt and I am glad I didnt.

In the end, after being seperated for 4 years while she was on her own, we finally got divorced. It was a sad day for everyone except her. She seems happy now just like she use to be with me and our kids.

After taking all this, Im glad I did. I can look anyone in the eye and say I did everything to save my marriage. I want my kids to know I fought for the family. I want my x to know I gave it all I had. In the end, I lost, but it was worth the fight. Better to have tried and failed than to not have tried at all.


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