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#772425 - 08/23/16 09:30 PM Paramour
ScaredAndAlone Offline


Registered: 07/27/16
Posts: 25
My soon-to-be ex is sleeping with a married man. The wife is OK with it. My soon to be ex is bringing my kids over for 'family' dinners. We've not told our two children yet and she is already being physically intimate in front of my children (waiting until we have something concrete to tell them about where they will be/who they will be with). This is also a couple my children know to be married and they are watching my soon to be ex and the husband kiss and hug in front of the wife. This new man is also an alcoholic. A few days ago, he got drunk (he was the only one in the car), drove at unsafe speeds, didn't wear his seat belt, hit a guard rail and then a house (yes, a house), fled the scene, and was later apprehended at home. Is there ANY way a court wouldn't say "absolutely! keep these kids away from this man in particular and this whole scene"?

#772426 - 08/24/16 04:08 AM Re: Paramour [Re: ScaredAndAlone]
MinnesotaMom Offline

old hand

Registered: 01/05/11
Posts: 880
You clearly need an attorney from the many issues you've mentioned. Your case goes far beyond what any internet forum has to offer.

#772427 - 08/24/16 01:28 PM Re: Paramour [Re: MinnesotaMom]
ScaredAndAlone Offline


Registered: 07/27/16
Posts: 25
I already have engaged an attorney. Just curious as to what the sense is out there or if anyone has had a similar experience. Your reply tells me at least the depths of this issue when view from the outside.

#772428 - 08/24/16 04:30 PM Re: Paramour [Re: ScaredAndAlone]
TJMH Offline


Registered: 07/17/15
Posts: 349
You're obviously upset about the whole "paramour" business. It might be a good idea to talk through your hurt, betrayal, disgust, etc. with a counselor--therapist, religious advisor, trusted friend, etc.--to deal with your emotional issues.

But better to leave all of that out of the divorce and child custody issue. Even though you're disgusted with your wife's behavior and hurt by the betrayal, it's better to treat the divorce like a business deal and try to get it done with quickly, efficiently and fairly. Trying to "punish" her for her moral failures will just make getting divorced harder, more unpleasant and probably more expensive.

You might point out to your wife that you think her behavior is likely to be confusing to the kids, especially if they don't yet know about the divorce, and ask her politely to cool it when they're around. For that matter it wouldn't be out of line to politely ask her to cool it when you're around, just out of respect for your feelings. What she does in private is her business, you're better off putting that out of your mind as much as you can.

If you think she's putting your kids in a bad environment with the other guy, then discuss with your lawyer about what your rights and options are.

#772429 - 08/24/16 05:32 PM Re: Paramour [Re: TJMH]
ScaredAndAlone Offline


Registered: 07/27/16
Posts: 25
Appreciate the input. And you are absolutely right. I am not looking to 'punish' her. I totally get she is an adult and she can do whatever adult things she wants with other (and however many) consenting adults as she would like. The kids don't know yet, no. And, I guess more what I would be seeking would be to have the paramour restriction around the children during the divorce. From what I was given to understand, this is commonplace. Once we are divorced and custody is settled, I understand she can do whatever she pleases.

I will add to this that that other man WAS a friend of mine for 20+ years. So, yes, I am dealing with WORLDS of emotional damage. I am seeking help on that front, too. For the divorce, however, I am trying to keep it focused on getting my kids in as good a position as possible in this most awful of situations.


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