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#758036 - 01/04/13 08:58 PM New to Mediation
FirstEveryday Offline

recently joined

Registered: 01/04/13
Posts: 1
I have been divorced for approximately 6 years now. We settled out of court because he didn't want to be audited (he's a CPA). The kids and I were comfortable with the money we settled with. We both are remarried now. My child support is over what the TN child support suggests - because we settled on an amount just 2 years again. This was done out of court with my attorney. In the papers it states that no one can take anyone to court to change the child support amount even in an upward deviation. I did this just to make sure the children are always taken care of and I didn't care if his income goes up. The kids and I live in a very modest older home, I never go on vacation and I never get my nails done, ect.
Well, with the kids being 16 (car insurance), 13, and 11 (braces) , and with inflation, I noticed I was having a hard time making ends meet - so I got a job. Besides, I felt the youngest was old enough. And with the extra money now that I am making, I put two of the kids in a private school this past August.

Well, my ex isn't happy now and he is taking me to court to lessen Child Support and Increase his visitation with the children. If I lose the extra money I get in Child Support, I will not be able to afford the private school for the kids and they will have to change schools again.

Mediation will be at the end of this month and I don't know what to expect and I don't know how this could have happened?
If we agreed and settled out of court just 2 1/2 yrs ago on child support, how can he take me back to court?
He is also asking for more time with the kids. The kids don't want more time with him. How can he come around now asking for more time with the kids when they already have their life in order.
He is also asking I meet him 1/2 way for picking up and dropping off - how can I do that when I'm working? He's self-employed and can come and go when he wants.

I could go on....but I just don't know how this is all going to play out in Mediation? Why are we going to mediation anyway when I don't agree with any of his demands? What is going to happen?

#758037 - 01/11/13 08:33 PM Re: New to Mediation [Re: FirstEveryday]
javajunkiee Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/02/08
Posts: 3200
Loc: SC
The fact that he broke the agreement and is asking for a change isn't unusual. Just because someone asks for a change doesn't mean they will get it. Your expenses have gone up with regards to the kids and I would be sure to have your attorney document those costs - school, braces, car, etc.

Has there been any significant change in circumstances for you or your ex? Could he point to a loss of income as justification for asking for the downward modification? If so, he could get it, and you would have to adjust expenses where necessary.

The transportation issue? Assuming that one of you moved a distance away, that person is normally deemed responsible for ALL transportation costs. Search the forums for 'move away' to see more info.

As for increasing visitation, courts give the kids minimal say, if any, whether or not they have to spend time with the other parent. Activities and teenager social lives are normally deemed low priority to the parent-child relationship. You can ask for a phased-in approach if he's not been active in their lives, and ask that he allows/transports kids to their activities if they occur on his time. Note I said "ask" - he doesn't have to agree or comply.

In prep for the mediation, I would make a list of what you're willing to compromise on and whats off the table. Make sure that your attorney understands your position very clearly and keep in mind that if either of you push it to court neither of you will likely be happy with the outcome.
Marriage doesn't come with a money-back guarantee.

#758038 - 01/11/13 09:34 PM Re: New to Mediation [Re: FirstEveryday]
Renny Offline


Registered: 09/24/11
Posts: 479
A couple of points. One is that I wouldn't worry about mediation. Go prepared of course, but don't worry about it turning out badly because you can lways walk out. Second, I'm curious bout the no modifiction clause and whether it's enforceable in TN. CS is the children's right and I doubt you can cap it. At any rate, for a downward modification he has to prove a ubstantial change in circumstances. With your extra private school expenses, which you will show are in the best interest of the children,
I don't see how he can claim he owes less CS. The modification of visitation he is seeking is a real nuisance, but it depends on the judge. I doubt the judge will mofify anything given your work and more frenetic activity of the kids.

#772867 - 12/25/16 07:21 AM Re: New to Mediation [Re: FirstEveryday]
knoxfamilylaw Offline

Registered: 12/07/16
Posts: 25
Loc: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Just curious how this went...
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