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#772898 - 01/11/17 07:02 PM What to do about new relationship's ex-wife
SLB17 Offline
recently joined

Registered: 01/11/17
Posts: 2
Hi. I am looking for some advice. I have been involved in a relationship for several years now -- both of us divorced with kids from our previous relationships. My bf's ex has always been an issue. I think she is mentally ill. She has limited placement of the kids, but does see and communicate with them. I think she may be psychologically abusing and trying to manipulate her kids. We moved in together a couple of years ago and things escalated with crazy emails and texts, accusations, twisted truths (where it has a bit of truth within a big lie or exaggeration), calls to child services, the police, the schools, etc. When we moved in, she also included myself and my children in on the fun -- it has been a nightmare. Two years later, it has not stopped and is possibly even worse. I have now moved out with my kids to keep them (and me) safe and hopefully get us away from the psychological turmoil. My bf is upset and feels that she has "won" and that I have abandoned him and his kids. He feels like I have financially hurt us, not living together and sharing expenses and responsibilities. He has tried to reassure me that the authorities, schools, etc. all know that she is crazy -- but that still does not alleviate my feelings of fear and despair as even the emails and communications she sends are so destructive. Not to mention that I don't know what goes on when she has placement/communicaton with her kids. I feel AWFUL and terribly guilty, but do not think it was helping to have us all under the same roof -- just seemed to add additional people for her to target. My bf is a great person and I love his kids, but am honestly starting to become afraid of them as well as they are heavily influenced by their mother who talks to them in private (we are not allowed in the room as per her request that is followed by my bf) on a regular basis. Did I do the right thing? Am I a terrible person for just giving up on this? Was there another option that I just cannot see? Do you think she will continue to terrorize my kids and me or will this stop it? Ugh. It's not been fun and I have started to have panic attacks. I think my child has, as well (panic attacks). I just don't know what else to do. Please, any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Edited by SLB17 (01/12/17 01:26 AM)

#772907 - 01/12/17 02:05 PM Re: What to do about new relationship's ex-wife [Re: SLB17]
Gecko Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/02/04
Posts: 20602
Loc: Third rock from the sun
If your BF is not willing to do what it takes to protect his children and you and your children from an unstable and/or vindictive ex, then you have to. NEVER feel guilty for putting the physical safety or mental health of yourself and your children.

If the ex is as bad as you say, your BF should probably request supervised parenting time and counseling.
If you air your dirty linen in public, expect people to comment on the skid marks!

#772910 - 01/12/17 04:38 PM Re: What to do about new relationship's ex-wife [Re: SLB17]
khsmiley Offline


Registered: 05/24/16
Posts: 26
While I don't have children, I'm also involved in a relationship with a man who has a crazy ex. As soon as she found out that he was dating someone after their breakup, she began Facebooking, calling, texting, and emailing me. She even looked up my address using her resources as a Court employee and showed up at my apartment once. I recently had to file a police report after I asked her to stop multiple times and made her aware that her harassment was causing me anxiety, distress, and making me feel threatened. She continued to harass me. I'm now waiting on a court date and have compiled all my evidence to present. The DA says I have a great case against her and that the likelihood is that the judge will order No Contact. If she communicates with/about me or harasses/stalks me after that, she'll face court time. Having a paper trail has been very helpful for me.

So, if you still love this man, I wouldn't necessarily give up unless the risks outweigh the benefits. You could continue living separately until things calm down, and proceed from there. You obviously are looking out for your children and their safety, but don't let someone else make your decisions for you and run your life.

Best of luck!

If you've asked her to stop communicating with you and she continues, file a police report and show them your evidence. If you have enough evidence, a warrant may be issued for her arrest and could be represented by the DA in court depending on how she pleads.

#772923 - 01/16/17 04:37 AM Re: What to do about new relationship's ex-wife [Re: SLB17]
SLB17 Offline
recently joined

Registered: 01/11/17
Posts: 2
Thank you both, very much. Both responses were very helpful. I am feeling kind of numb about the whole thing right now and am finding it difficult to trust my thoughts and/or intuition.


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