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#769013 - 12/14/14 05:56 AM I think emotional affair?
Jt39 Offline

recently joined

Registered: 12/14/14
Posts: 1
To understand the story let me Explain. My wife and I been married foe 14 years and known each other for 18yrs. We were actually high school sweet hearts. Our marriage has never been perfect, we have 4 beautiful children.
But to me she doesn't know how to get angry or argue. She always wants to get up and leave. We separate at least once every two years, but she reacts on how she feels at the moment. She doesn't realize the repercussions that it does to our marriage down the road. She's put me in jail twice saying I abused her. I'll never hit a woman. Recently she started working out, I want to say back late august. We'll she ended up losing 20lbs. Her confidence sky rocketed to the moon. She started taking at least one selfie a day on Facebook ,I even told her we used to make fun of the people that did yah at. I felt her starting to become distant and wouldn't even want to kiss.. She would belittle me every chance she had. I'm a short guy and started making fun of my height. It sucks my own wife. We'll my intuition told me something was up, I checked the phone records and it showed her trainers number where they'll talk a few times out of the day. Her texts were deleted all I saw was like 1200 texts in a month. Haven't had a chance to request the records. I questioned her for the first time in mid October and we both blew up. Typical my wife she wanted to leave. We argued on a Monday by Thursday she had gave a down payment on an apartment. I talked her out of leaving and she promised that there is nothing sexual going on. My dumbass let her keep going to the workout. We stayed good for about a month. On thanksgiving evening after waking from our turkey coma she was trying to get something from her drawer kinda being sneaky. I woke up when she was in the act, I did notice it but I acted dumb. She stayed talking to me but wouldn't want to step away like she was waiting for me to get up and go to the restroom. I didn't, I finally told her to get going cause she was going to do some Black Friday shopping. When she left I checked the drawer, she had gotten a brand new phone. I powered it on , but it was locked. But there was a text that popped up from het trainer that said can we talk for at least 5 minutes. I got pissed, she got home I questioned her, she acted dumb telling me she didn't know the code. After asking like 100 times I just slammed the phone against the ground. She said I'm gonna stop going and she let me block him on Facebook. That's was that. On Sunday we were being lazy watching football, I picked up her phone and a response that said so and so accept fee your friend request. That was the last dagger. I told her to leave so she did. only my youngest left with her, the rest of the kids chose to stay with me. What can I do, should I try and reconcile or let her go .wants nothing to do with me. But I know come divorce I have a chance of getting custody of our children and If I do, she'll want to come back, I just can't get over her.

#769014 - 12/19/14 03:55 AM Re: I think emotional affair? [Re: Jt39]
JulieAnn Offline

recently joined

Registered: 12/17/14
Posts: 1
I wish I could answer your question. It's really hard. My husband also got a different phone that he tried to hide from me. We've been married 29 years. The only reason I haven't kicked him out is because I don't know how I'm going to financially do it. The only reason he hasn't left is because he doesn't want to pay child support.

#769015 - 01/06/15 10:35 AM Re: I think emotional affair? [Re: JulieAnn]
Vroooom Offline

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Registered: 01/06/15
Posts: 9
Ive been cheated on and tried to work through it, but it didn't work. The way I see it you have three things you can try....1) file for divorce and suffer the loss of the woman you love (some say it is harder to grieve than someone dying) 2) tell her you still love her and ask her if she will work it out with you and get into marriage counseling 3) ask her back and settle for a marriage where she cheats and treats you bad and just put up with it. Of the three, you have to do some soul searching. Certainly she has been unfaithful and that is about the only reason that God says divorce is acceptable (I'm kind of religious, hope that doesn't offend), so you are justified in the eyes of God if you decide to end the marriage. On the other hand, if you decide to approach her and ask to go to counseling,, she would also have to want that option, it is a lot of work and trust is hard to rebuild, both parties would have to be willing to do the work....she would have to truly change and you would have to find a way to forgive her and she would have to earn your trust. The last option is to just put up with her and stay married....tell her you still love her and ask her to come back, tell her what she is doing is tearing you up but that you are not going to divorce her or stop her, she alone has to be responsible for her actions in the marriage, depending on how strong you are emotionally, this may be nigh on impossible to accomplish without destroying your emotional/mental health. No one can answer for you what to do. You seem like a very nice man and I hate that she has done this to you. It seems like she can be emotionally mean (making fun of your height) as well. If you are a believer in prayer and fasting, it can sometimes bring about a miracle, which is what is needed in her heart. In the meantime, try to take care of yourself.

#769016 - 01/09/15 06:19 PM Re: I think emotional affair? [Re: Vroooom]
madamagatha Offline

recently joined

Registered: 01/07/15
Posts: 5
I think it IS possible to save a marriage after infidelity but only if there is remorse on your wife's part. It looks to me like your wife continues to lie to you and that makes me lose hope.

The same happened to me. I asked my ex point blank if he's been with another woman. I did not tell him that I had hard evidence - I just asked him. He proceeded to gaslight me. After a month of not allowing him convince me I was the crazy one, he may have started to realize the jig was up. He asked me to go to marriage counseling but only did enough of it to stop me from filing so he could file first.

I know this is not a decision to be made lightly but you may want to beat her to filing first. She will get very nasty. She will lie about you. Start gathering evidence of your involvement in the children's lives NOW. It's a good thing she left and most of the kids stayed behind. Did she take the kids with her the other times she left? Get a weekly planner and document as much as possible (good things as well as bad things - try to maintain a fact-based log). Looking at things this way may also help you make an ultimate decision as well as help you should you seek to dissolve the marriage.

I'm not an expert on the matter but there are certainly some things I wish I had done. I should have looked out for myself a bit more.

Look out for yourself and your children.

#769017 - 12/07/15 07:13 PM Re: I think emotional affair? [Re: madamagatha]
jorgito2001 Offline

recently joined

Registered: 12/07/15
Posts: 7
Loc: FL
Hi jt39, looks like this is an OLD post and not sure where things ended up for you, but I am going through a seperation/divorce thanks to my wife having (and continues to have) an "emotional" affair herself.

As someone stated, there has to be REMORSE on your wife's side if there is any chance of salvaging the marriage...your situation sounds like mine in that she CONTINUES to have this Facebook affair (she swore for weeks she swore off of it til I caught her private messaging him a Love Song AGAIN Thanksgiving weekend)...she's HOOKED and still wants the divorce. I begged, I pleaded, even threw the "tearing up our family" card (we have 2 kids)...NOTHING, not a single shred of remorse or regret. I now want to proceed.

As for kids and custody, it may depend on your state. I love in FL which is a "no fault" state, which in layman's terms means a spouse can have a MILLION affairs and as long as they are a capable parent, it doesn't affect custody in any way (scary right?). We are settling for joint custody and pray it stays on the path.

Hope it went well for you & good luck.

#772737 - 11/13/16 04:20 PM Re: I think emotional affair? [Re: Jt39]
psa Offline
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Registered: 11/13/16
Posts: 2
I've had issues about infidelity since my husband started working in another state, im glad i got the help i really needed now i have the real view of things, If you're ever in need of a reliable and secured source of information you should visit this site im glad i contacted him. My lawyer had him subpoened im glad i did thisGoodluck to everyone

#773146 - 03/28/17 11:30 PM Re: I think emotional affair? [Re: Jt39]
FrancoStacy Offline

Registered: 03/28/17
Posts: 26
First off you have kids, so this decision is not about you, its about all of them too. This is not about your pride or your ego or even your pain, its about those innocent ones.

Dude...fight like hell to save it. Swallow your pride. First look at you. Look at you as a man, as a husband and as a father. Be honest, what faults do you have, what mistakes have you made? Just be aware that none of us are perfect and even though what she is doing is 100 percent wrong and you did NOT force her to do anything, you still have your faults too.

You say your marriage was not perfect, no marriage is. Even ones that last 70 years are not perfect, but they survived in spite of those imperfections.

My story is not too different than yours. How old is your wife? I think that matters because we talk about men having this later in life issue, personally I think it happens in women more.

Try to avoid either one of you moving out. That is not a solution and does not make it better. Separating is not head clearing moment, its the opposite. I say see counseling and advice counseling that is faith based even if you aren't religious.

Fight for her like you love her, not like she is your opponent.

#773147 - 03/28/17 11:33 PM Re: I think emotional affair? [Re: Jt39]
FrancoStacy Offline

Registered: 03/28/17
Posts: 26
If she has had an emotional or physical affair, find a way to forgive her. Its very hard, but do it for the kids if nothing else.


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