Hello all,
I am looking for input whether it be positive or negative.
Here's my situation. I am on my 2nd marriage, 10/2014 married. I am 47. I was married 20 years the first time around. I met 2nd hub soon after. He was wonderful at first; showed me so much love, attention, even wrote stunning poems. He was broke with 4 kids and losing his home. That Fall I offered for he and his youngest son to live with me. I had my 3 children living at home; 17b, 15g and 10g at the time. I own my home outright. I bought him a $6700 truck which he soon trashed, turned a room at the back of the garage into a workshop for him which is dirty and messy. He hasn't shown respect for anything I've given him. I had money at the time for inheritance, but it has dwindled down to not much. I am a generous (and stupid) person. So it was tough going taking on a new family. My own family are all dead except for my children, so I was lonely and sad. I feel like he preyed upon me, "wooed" me, made me feel special and awesome. But over these 5 years every time I get mad at him he walks out. This most recent time is probably the 5th time he has left. I can never get mad at him or bitch at him about anything. It's hard to live this way. Trust me, I am far from easy to live with; I have high expectations and tend to be anxiety ridden.
So a couple of years ago the poems stopped and I don't feel special to him anymore. I think it's because I'm sick. I just found out I have celiac disease, which explains a lot of my behavior--depressive, jealous, etc. I am managing my disease well but it takes time for things to heal.
April of 2016 he found out I was talking to another man. It was awful and I was so, so sorry for what I did and how I hurt him. He filed for divorce but reconsidered as long as I did what he asked me to; counseling, no smart phone, no internet use among other things. Over the last year I have been doing well with it. However, 2 of his older children (23b and 20g) hate me. They won't talk to me and family gatherings are super awkward. Also one of his sisters hates me. I try to talk to him about it but he just gets angry and says "what do you want me to do about it?" and "this is your fault and you have to accept the fallout". I have asked him to call a meeting with all of us to talk to them, to explain I hold myself accountable for my mistake, I love their dad and them, and that we are working on moving forward but need their support. He won't do this. So we recently had a screaming match about it because I can't live this way, with people hating me. I literally have no family of my own left other than my 3 children; no mom, dad, sister, brother, aunt, uncle or cousins. They are all gone or dead. So I feel very, very alone.
I am sad because I love this man very much. But I feel I should cut my losses now, come up with the $3000 retainer for the attorney and file and move on.
I am torn and need help. I feel I will never love anyone like this again nor will anyone love me again.