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#653242 - 07/27/10 10:12 PM First right of refusal on parenting
hcso Offline

recently joined

Registered: 07/27/10
Posts: 1
My ex of three years has recently started to question my parenting abilities since I introduced my girlfriend of nine months to my (our) children (the first girlfriend I have ever introduced). Our current arraignment is shared custody every other week, Friday to Friday, or in other words a 50/50 arraignment. It started when I needed my youngest to be watched for two hours during a business meeting during my week. I asked her but could not confirm that she would be able to do it but if she couldn't her boyfriend of 5 1/2 months could. I decided I would make other plans and had my girlfriend watch her at her house.
Since then my ex has suggested that we get together to lay out guidelines on when an under what situation that my girlfriend could watch/spend time alone with my girls during my week. Is this common? Can she control what I do with the girls during my week?

#653243 - 08/29/10 05:13 AM Re: First right of refusal on parenting [Re: hcso]
Maury Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/02/04
Posts: 8182
Loc: This Asylum --->
Your question is complicated. She canot determine what you do, but most courts would consider suprevision by parent superior to a significant other. In other words, if you are not spending your parenting time with the children, a court may likely decide that if the other parent is available, tey should have the kids.
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#772873 - 01/02/17 02:57 AM Re: First right of refusal on parenting [Re: hcso]
Photolover Offline
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Registered: 01/02/17
Posts: 1
My ex doesn't spend much time with our kids when he has them but instead his Mom and sister are watching the kids. I very much disagree with this because every week he gets them 1 day after school and he never sees them then. I don't think the relatives should be able to be the ones to always watch the kids but they argue that they are "babysitters" and since I need an occasional babysitter, then they are justified. Very frustrated!!

#773648 - 06/05/17 02:51 PM Re: First right of refusal on parenting [Re: hcso]
srfrog1970 Offline
recently joined

Registered: 06/05/17
Posts: 3
I have been divorced for 12 years now and I went through this issue of “First right of refusal on parenting”. My ex would have her mom watch the kids when she worked at night. The decree stated that her mom could only be with the kids 3 hours per week (A very odd thing to put into a decree that I did not request but understood). I told me ex that I wanted to be with my kids if she could not be there. I talked to an attorney (and other professionals) about enforcing my rights (and my children’s right to be with their dad).

Here is the thing… “First right of refusal on parenting” is a soft law that is rarely enforceable. You could take your ex back to court which is going to cost you and your ex lots of money. The best case scenario is that the courts are going to tell your ex to give you first right of refusal (which they already did). Then what… they do it again. The courts are not going to change custody simply because one parent is not giving the first right of refusal.

I cannot express this point enough - Journal Everything!


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