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#774114 - 12/01/17 02:09 PM Ultimate betrayal from retired Army +2kids wedlock
Destia22 Offline

recently joined

Registered: 07/04/09
Posts: 1
My heart is shattered and 25 yrs of marriage to a retired soldier who committed the ultimate betrayal. Not only did he have 1 kid with a retired soldier 20 yrs ago and I forgave (naive and dumb) Oops he did it again! He had another child with a soldiers wife! I know that many of you will say, "How stupid am I to stay with my husband"? Well let me go back a little bit. My husband and I met in AIT and as soon as I completed my tour I got out of the military to marry and continue my education. During our marriage everything was fine at first until I caught him on many occasions cheating on me. He groomed me to the point I felt as though it was my fault that he was cheating. After having 2 children he came home one day after deployment, threw some pics on the table and ask me, "What would I do if he had an 8 month old daughter with another soldier" I physically, emotionally lost apart of ME that day. It was the worst day of my life. I knew I had to be strong for my children but I just couldn't except his child. I kept on saying to myself, "Its not the Childs fault" so to protect my sanity I left and stayed with my parent's for a while until I could figure out what I was gonna do. I took advantage of a year apart and completed my nursing degree. During that time and many conversations later I returned back to my husband. Initially it was great until he began the verbal and emotional abuse. I remained in the marriage for my kids sake. By this time we had 4 kids and despite loving my husband but I was not in love with him I remained until I found out about his 2nd child from a spouse of a soldier who was the baby sitter. How dumb was I. Physically, emotionally my entire being was numb. I was mad. I was pissed but this time I never left. I did find myself requiring more mental health counseling and medication to sleep. My career as a nurse stopped completely and I became a stay at home mom to keep my house free of baby sitters, woman, etc. I didn't trust my husband or anyone else. My youngest was 10 and we ended up doing a final tour in Hawaii. I really thought the time in beautiful Hawaii would strengthen our marraige but unexpectedly at the age of 42 found out I was pregnant. I was already 4 months pregnant so we had our 5th child. My husband retired after 24 yrs of service while my marriage began to unravel. As soon as we got back to the states we lived in a house that we had purchased (like he say's...He purchased) but as time went on I just couldn't and wouldn't continue with a cheater. He always threatened to remember two words if I ever left him. BULLET & HEAD. By this time I was severely depressed and checked myself into the VA mental health unit for one week. I was discharged to a woman shelter for abused woman. I finally felt free! I decided to get an apartment and proceeded to get my credit together because I wanted to purchase my own house, and so I did. Its been a year since I lefted him, but only 3 months since I bought my home in GA, His oldest child out of wedlock is 21 and his other daughter out of wedlock is 14. He pays child support for the 14 and his taxes are garnished until he pay's off child support. I have to be a resident for 6 moths before I can file. I am 100% Disabled Veteran {total & permanent}. My husband is 90% TP (unemployable) plus he receives his retirement pay. I have my 17 daughter and he has our 7 yr old son. I already know that I'm in the 20/20/20 meaning I get 50% of his retirement. So the way that I look at it is....He has a house and I have a house. He has one child and I have one child. Im entitled to 50% of his retirement, The problem with this is that his retirement is $2,200 but they take out 200 for child support and the only amount deposited into his account {we both have separate accounts for years} his retirement deposit is only $1,400. I think he may have made a fake allotment for $600 to go to his other bank account. FINALLY>>>> MY QUESTION IS... How is it determined how much I get with the 20/20/20. Am I entitled to half of the $2,200? Will they go by what actually is deposited into his account $1,400 (he is hiding $600)or will they deduct his child support for his child out of wedlock and give me half of $2,000, which would mean I would receive $1,000. Anyway it goes he will fight me for his retirement. He claims I am entitled to $0 but the military law states other wise! Can someone please explain how they determine what I would get from his retirement (he pays child support and hides $600) He is supposed to get $2,200 a month. TIA {Thanks in advance}

#774117 - 12/01/17 08:00 PM Re: Ultimate betrayal from retired Army +2kids wedlock [Re: Destia22]
MinnesotaMom Offline

old hand

Registered: 01/05/11
Posts: 949
First, you will most likely be paying child support when the 17 year old graduates, based on your disability pay + the part of retirement you get until the 7 year old graduates from high school. You would have to research HI family law to get an estimate of the amount.

As for the retirement, it's up to 50% unless you have taken other assets/cash in its place, which can reduce or eliminate what you get.

As a nice bonus though, as long as you don't remarry (as long as all 20 years of your 25 year marriage he was active duty), you will qualify for medical benefits and commissary and exchange privileges for the remainder of your life.

#774127 - 12/04/17 05:19 PM Re: Ultimate betrayal from retired Army +2kids wedlock [Re: Destia22]
TJMH Offline


Registered: 07/17/15
Posts: 349
First off, if I'm not mistaken the federal law just establishes that military pension is a marital asset which can be divided, and establishes that the maximum that can be awarded to an ex-spouse is 50%, but how it's divided is up to the family court which is governed by state law. But I believe that if you were married for the entirety of your husband's career most judges would lean toward 50%.

The amount to be divided is your husband's "disposable military retired pay" which is his gross pay minus a couple of items, most notably any offset for VA disability (if he's at 50% or above this should have no impact as he should be getting full retired pay in addition to disability) and Survivor Benefit Program premiums if you elected for that. So your share would be half of $2200 minus those items, and should not be impacted by deductions for his child support.

As long as your marriage and his career overlap by at least 10 years you should be able to get paid your share of his retirement directly from DFAS, but you'll want a lawyer who specializes in this to draw up a QDRO to send to DFAS.


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