This makes me sad. My journey is similar to yours. My ex-wife has manipulated the courts for years, always one step ahead, always motivated by personal destruction, always playing the single mom card, yet somehow manages to live a lavish life-style.
Recently my kids were emancipated. Four beautiful girls. They hate me, of course, because of the lies they've been told. My X forced me into a decision not to see them, back in 2006, because she would have destroyed them just to show contempt for me.
Now, since they are emancipated, they are of no use to her any more, so she's kicked them all out, except for the one girl who vowed to never seek me as a condition of her acceptance.
I had to move out of state. I nearly went homeless and in and out of jail, because she was causing so much trouble for my employers and myself, I couldn't keep a job. (2 stints in MCJ)
Now I owe $207,000.00 in money judgments. The fiction that your children will love you for paying support all those years is a lie. A mother truly bent on poison, will pervert anything you do.
I would do this. Ask a lawyer or trusted family member to open a bank account for your kids. Instead of paying support, accept being the guest of the county for at least one four month bid, live life away from being picked up. Put away the money you should be paying for your kids, each month. Once they are emancipated, at age 21, then let them all know that if they want the money that's in this fund, they need to get to know you for a year. If at the end of that year, everything their mother said about you is true, then they are welcome to the money you saved and they can leave. If, however, they learn that you really did love them, then they can use that money to live and work near you and you can begin a life together, that you missed out on when they were poisoned against you. If they don't come and claim it. Then use it to help yourself through a 4 month stint in county. At the end, they're emancipated and you only had to spend four months in jail instead of 4 months every year.
My brother-in-law's best friend was driven to suicide, by his ex-wife, who also happens to be a social worker, well versed in the rules. He was basically a modern slave. She cause the system to take away his kids, take away his life, take away his hope, and he killed himself. This makes three men, I know personally, who were literally murdered by state proxi. Nothing we can do. The real dirt bags that don't love their children and couldn't care less, make the system, especially in New York, so toxic, that men don't have a voice.
Monroe County is one of the worst. This is a county women go to, specifically, to leverage the system for their retirement. I just lost another job, for this very reason, and I don't live in the stinken State any more. Please write me if you would like advice. I can at least give you some advice that keeps you sane.
A man should support his kids. No question. Should be there for them. But the thing about New York State is, the system is designed so that the harder you push to see your kids and to act in their best interest, the tighter they wind the wheel on the rack. The more you struggle, the worse it gets, until you are dead or you leave your kids. My story is not unique. They are coached by some pretty powerful man-hating females. They built the system so that if she hates you, she can destroy you. The collateral damage from men who actually don't deserve to be treated bad, just understood, is just a statistic. You are NOT ALONE.
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