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#774801 - 07/14/18 03:31 PM Why pay child support?
NothingToLose Online   content
recently joined

Registered: 07/14/18
Posts: 2
I understand the legal argument for paying child support; if you don't pay, you can go to jail, have your wages garnished, property seized, etc.

I even understand the moral argument that says if you conceive children, you have an obligation to support them.

But in my case, my children have been taken away from me by my wife's parents who are far wealthier than I am, and they are trying and succeeding through the courts to keep me out of their lives as much as possible. I don't own a home, I'm stuck in a job I hate, and I have absolutely nothing that I materially value that I'm concerned about losing. The only thing I cared about was my children, and they've already been taken away from me. They are materially well-provided for regardless of whether I give those people money. And as for the consequences, I'd honestly be fine going to jail or even living in a homeless shelter if it comes to that.

So why should I give these people money? Nobody seems able to make any kind of convincing argument about that. Everything everyone has said to me is about warning of the consequences for me, which I don't care about, or trying to make me feel guilty about not supporting my children, when they're already fully and easily supported by the people I believe kidnapped them.

Anybody want to straighten me out on this?

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#774809 - 07/18/18 10:02 PM Re: Why pay child support? [Re: NothingToLose]
MinnesotaMom Offline

old hand

Registered: 01/05/11
Posts: 969
You have what is known as learned hopelessness, probably from being beat up by the system. You've already stated what the consequences are if you don't pay. What you missed is what the effect will be on your kids and I'm not talking about the financial impact, but rather what you bring to the table as a parent, which is far more important than money. If you don't pay, you can count on being non-existant to the kids. I wish you and your kids well. They need you.

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#774818 - 07/21/18 02:40 AM Re: Why pay child support? [Re: NothingToLose]
NothingToLose Online   content
recently joined

Registered: 07/14/18
Posts: 2
I'm almost non-existent as it is. I only get to see them two hours a week and I have to pay more than $600 a month for the privilege of having a stranger supervise those visits, all because the other side convinced the court that my depression makes me unsafe for my children... even though I have never done and never would do anything to endanger them. My children barely know me as a result. There certainly doesn't seem to be any hope and I think it's intended to be that way; I'm pretty sure they're doing all this because they don't want me in my children's lives, and they have the resources to make that happen.

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#774865 - 08/07/18 01:02 PM Re: Why pay child support? [Re: NothingToLose]
MP4Life Offline
recently joined

Registered: 11/18/17
Posts: 1
This makes me sad. My journey is similar to yours. My ex-wife has manipulated the courts for years, always one step ahead, always motivated by personal destruction, always playing the single mom card, yet somehow manages to live a lavish life-style.
Recently my kids were emancipated. Four beautiful girls. They hate me, of course, because of the lies they've been told. My X forced me into a decision not to see them, back in 2006, because she would have destroyed them just to show contempt for me.
Now, since they are emancipated, they are of no use to her any more, so she's kicked them all out, except for the one girl who vowed to never seek me as a condition of her acceptance.
I had to move out of state. I nearly went homeless and in and out of jail, because she was causing so much trouble for my employers and myself, I couldn't keep a job. (2 stints in MCJ)
Now I owe $207,000.00 in money judgments. The fiction that your children will love you for paying support all those years is a lie. A mother truly bent on poison, will pervert anything you do.
I would do this. Ask a lawyer or trusted family member to open a bank account for your kids. Instead of paying support, accept being the guest of the county for at least one four month bid, live life away from being picked up. Put away the money you should be paying for your kids, each month. Once they are emancipated, at age 21, then let them all know that if they want the money that's in this fund, they need to get to know you for a year. If at the end of that year, everything their mother said about you is true, then they are welcome to the money you saved and they can leave. If, however, they learn that you really did love them, then they can use that money to live and work near you and you can begin a life together, that you missed out on when they were poisoned against you. If they don't come and claim it. Then use it to help yourself through a 4 month stint in county. At the end, they're emancipated and you only had to spend four months in jail instead of 4 months every year.
My brother-in-law's best friend was driven to suicide, by his ex-wife, who also happens to be a social worker, well versed in the rules. He was basically a modern slave. She cause the system to take away his kids, take away his life, take away his hope, and he killed himself. This makes three men, I know personally, who were literally murdered by state proxi. Nothing we can do. The real dirt bags that don't love their children and couldn't care less, make the system, especially in New York, so toxic, that men don't have a voice.
Monroe County is one of the worst. This is a county women go to, specifically, to leverage the system for their retirement. I just lost another job, for this very reason, and I don't live in the stinken State any more. Please write me if you would like advice. I can at least give you some advice that keeps you sane.
A man should support his kids. No question. Should be there for them. But the thing about New York State is, the system is designed so that the harder you push to see your kids and to act in their best interest, the tighter they wind the wheel on the rack. The more you struggle, the worse it gets, until you are dead or you leave your kids. My story is not unique. They are coached by some pretty powerful man-hating females. They built the system so that if she hates you, she can destroy you. The collateral damage from men who actually don't deserve to be treated bad, just understood, is just a statistic. You are NOT ALONE.
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#774944 - 09/27/18 01:22 PM Re: Why pay child support? [Re: NothingToLose]
John h Offline
recently joined

Registered: 02/08/18
Posts: 10
Legal things are not to play, I would suggest you to concern a lawyer legally, you will get your answer more clear their, they are experienced and knowledgeable about the law, they will guide you the correct way.

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#774946 - 09/27/18 01:27 PM Re: Why pay child support? [Re: NothingToLose]
John h Offline
recently joined

Registered: 02/08/18
Posts: 10
[quote=NothingToLose]I'm almost non-existent as it is. I only get to see them two hours a week and I have to pay more than $600 a month for the privilege of having a stranger supervise those visits, all because the other side convinced the court that my depression makes me unsafe for my children... even though I have never done and never would do anything to endanger them. My children barely know me as a result. There certainly doesn't seem to be any hope and I think it's intended to be that way; I'm pretty sure they're doing all this because they don't want me in my children's lives, and they have the resources to make that happen.[/quote]

It's sad to hear that but the court doesn't see the case emotionally, they deal with the things according to law.

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