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#774965 - 10/09/18 02:36 AM Moving (w/2 kids) out of VA to CA (not filing yet)
grrrrlnxtdoor Offline
recently joined

Registered: 10/09/18
Posts: 3
Hello - I have a cousin who feels is emotionally being abused by her husband and wants to leave Virginia and return to California where all her family is.

They've been married 5 years, got married in California. They lived in CA for a year or so but he couldn't hold a job so he convinced her to leave all her extended family and move to Virginia where his parents and siblings are because it is a lower cost of living.

Over the past 5 years, he has consistently lied about his finances and job situation (pretending to have a job but didn't, or got fired and didn't tell her, kept her from the bank accounts etc.) and they've been kicked out of apartments multiple times, lost cars, etc. because of it.

We think there is a pathological liar situation, mental health issue, and/or gambling/drinking problem but it's gotten to the point where she may need to move back to CA to stay with family just to have a roof over their heads. He refuses to move.

They have 2 babies now, one is almost 3 y/o and a newborn/infant.

Can she go back to CA to stay with her parents while she sorts things out and decides whether to file for divorce? She is a stay at home mom, and he likely won't fight her visiting CA at first. In fact she has a planned family visit (grandpa is paying) coming up and he has OK'ed that but not sure he'd OK an extended visit or her staying there.

What are her options? In CA she has a place to live, a roof over their heads - his parents in Virginia had been letting them live in a basement - not a finished one even just a tiny dark storage place - and they are now kicking them out. They have no credit, he has no job and no money. We think he may have some criminal or legal problems but aren't sure (all his jobs have seemed to be under the table or if not he loses the job pretty quickly - could be DUIs or something, we aren't sure - he's shady and seems to have made up jobs, and she is very gullible.)

He "hates" CA and does not want to move back himself, even if it meant free rent and job offers.

What are her options? Can she move to CA for a while legally with the kids? Can she go temporarily while he gets his act together? What if he doesn't agree to it?

If she decides to divorce can she stay in CA? Or what needs to happen so she can be in CA where she has extended family support, job prospects, housing, medical and everything they need could be provided.

Thanks for any info or resources she may use. She isn't sure she wants to divorce but is tired of his lies and being flat broke, no medical and now they are about to be homeless so the alternative is a shelter. Can't she just come home?

#774966 - 10/09/18 08:37 AM Re: Moving (w/2 kids) out of VA to CA (not filing yet) [Re: grrrrlnxtdoor]
MinnesotaMom Offline

old hand

Registered: 01/05/11
Posts: 969
She would have to live in CA for 6 months to become a resident there to file for divorce. Otherwise, the children are residents of Virginia and would remain there. If she were to refuse to return and he filed for divorce in Virginia before 6 months, the courts would order the children back. She is free to live wherever she pleases.


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