I have a very unique custody situation. After the divorce I was given temp full custody of my 6 yo son and my ex-wife got full custody of our 3 yo daughter.
My son has always had issues with his mother since she was very hands off with him for most of the first 3 years of his life. Once we separated and he was stuck with her full time he started acting out a lot throughout our separation and divorce (it was long and messy and my ex was selling/destroying my stuff, wouldn't let me see the kids, playing mind games, the typical BPD Narcissts) and it got to a point where my ex-wife couldn't handle him. She was giving him to her parents to watch or locking him in his room which just made him angry and more violent towards her. So in the end the court gave me my son and she got to keep my daughter because of her age.
Fast forward 18 months when the final order got settled and I was awarded full custody of my son due to his improvement under my care and the fact his mother basically said in front of the judge she didn't want him. I was denied even 50% shared custody of my daughter. My daughter is almost 5 now and understands more and is now very very angry she doesn't get to see me more than an evening a week and every other weekend.
When she is with me and her mother is even mentioned she get angry and hits and throws things stating she doesn't want her mother and wants to live with me. Getting her ready to go is an hour long battle of tears, hugs, and tantrums. At the door she hits her mother and tries to cling on to me. I am at a lost on how to comforter her and mentally prepare her for exchange. I try to talk her mother up but she just screams and calls her a monster and that she hates her.
Any tips on how to make this better? If I had any hope (or money left) I'd try to go back to court for her but I was advised not to by my lawyer at this stage. Basically to take the win of getting my son away from his mother and wait.